January 28, 2008

Divorce and Society

Egypt is a messed up society on so many levels. Anyone who lived in it long enough will know that; actually, I have friends who only know Egypt through summer visits who know that.

I don’t have the attention span that would make me able to discuss the millions of issues I have on my mind! So I will try to focus… I write short paragraphs when I need to focus; otherwise, I babble.

One of Egypt’s worst flaws (as well as that of Arab countries) is misinterpretation of religions and tailoring quotes to fit our own perceptions of right and wrong!! No one can argue with that fact!

I think it’s rather a human trait. Only in Arabia it shows more because religion is a big deal and for some reason, lately it has become a matter of do-whatever-but-don’t-get-caught rather than inner beliefs, more of the “الحرامي هو اللي بيتمسك مش اللي بيسرق” concept, and of course it’s justified by “إذا بليتم فاستتروا” and “ربنا امر بالستر”.

Sadly, those very two phrases is how my soon to be x-husband explained why he would never admit to cheating to anyone but me. When I though arguing with him was useful, I tried to tell him that there should be a punishment for what he did; anything really to restore my belief that nothing goes unpunished same as nothing goes unrewarded. That was when he said it was inappropriate of me to argue that way and flaunted the other two religious phrases “الرجال قوامون على النساء” and “و جعلنا للرجال على النساء درجة” that men in our society seem to know by heart, which might bring me to the disgraceful gender perceptions in Egypt… Not now insomniac, focus!!

I hated him in so many ways when he came to come clean… he did it without any real remorse, and it bruised my pride even more. He only came to tell me because he was afraid she would! How sick and twisted, let alone humiliating is that?

That was in no way the man I thought he was… as men go, that was in no way how a true man behaves; that’s what I think he would have said if he heard of similar behavior!! But now that he did it himself, he’d say “I had my reasons”… need I say more about the power of rationalization!!

He thought that telling me would grant him forgiveness because when he asked for it I told him “how can I forgive you for what I don’t know”… I think he never really knew how my mind worked, not that it matters anymore.

His plan B was to point fingers at me and say it was me, and I almost believed him!!! You see, he’s that good at selling what he believes, and I was stupid enough to share his beliefs for a while! Luckily I had stopped believing him a while before that, and I was working on a long process of self healing since I could no longer count on him to heal me.

I almost believed his promises to be civil after he knew I was not willing to go back. When my friend H told me he wouldn’t live up to his word, I told her “come on, x wouldn’t sink that low, the good person I once saw in him wouldn’t let him hurt me”, but he did! Strange how I think I never really knew him!

I stopped blaming myself for my mistakes after I acknowledged them, tried to explain I didn’t mean them and even apologized for them. Moreover, I paid the price in full: 7 years. I forgave myself, although I doubt I will really forgive him… not for the cheating, but for all the lies he knew I would believe because I had blind faith in him, and because now I have trust issues because of him.

So after all that, I should not have to explain to people why divorce is better as if I am clearing my own name!!! I mean come on; it takes two to tango, how about marriage?!! It takes two people to make it, and it does take two people to break it… it’s a general rule, but I am willing to agree to it in a way, only because I was not willing to continue in that marriage anymore myself.

I think our society needs to be more tolerant rather than prejudiced, if they can’t seem to properly handle religious interpretations. This is what I have been practicing for a while now; when I hear a divorce story or some other social story, I do my best to remain unbiased and to not look for hidden meanings and/or reasons; some things are simply what they are! And since I am doing it, I am being naive enough to expect others to do it with me as well; now I can honestly say I have projection added to my list of psychological ailments.

So to whoever reads that, please try to see the whole cup; not just the empty part, and not necessarily the full part alone either… there is always more than one angle when looking at things. When it gets confusing, just give your mind a break and think about something else, it’s better for your brain cells, only shortcoming is that you might get to suffer from short attention span syndrome… not the worst that could happen I tell ya.

January 27, 2008

All bright and sunny, except…

Nothing is majorly pissing me off these days! As a matter of fact, I will be off to Luxor tomorrow night isA with my family and some family friends whom I haven’t seen in ages. Moreover, I have spent four hours packing yesterday, so I better as hell have fun.


No one knows! None of those friends have the slightest clue of the drama my family is going through on my account… According to my dad’s story, the husband is on training in Dubai, and I am spending the time he’s away with them to get as much help as I can with my two kids and all.

I don’t know how to answer questions like “where does he work now?”, “how long is he staying in Dubai?”, “how is his family like, now you’ve moved in with them?”, etc. for I honestly do not know where he works now, he’s not in Dubai to be having an expected return date, and I am not capable of saying anything about how my life with him or his family was like; God knows I need professional help to forget. Let alone the whole speaking of him lovingly that I once did; now I can no longer imagine doing!

Can’t I just say “it’s over, only the divorce is taking more time than it should” and not have to answer any further questions?? Can I just come out without having to deal with any sympathetic reaction or remarks??

I think the whole “you don’t understand the implications of a divorce” my dad always told me is starting to sink in! It doesn’t feel good, and it’s not because I worry either about assumptions or judgments; it’s sympathy I find harder to accept. It’s the “matestahleesh kul da” or “danty bent nas” that I’ve been getting from everyone in our family and friends circle… those phrases hurt in so many ways, they hurt more than the “enty Kaman akeed konty ghaltana”!!! I think I am weird that way; too proud perhaps! I also think they make me feel bad for my parents and sisters more than I can afford right now.

This one single thought is making it hard for me to feel easy about anything… I wanna come out damn it! I wanna be able to talk about it without having people assuming I am vulnerable; hence, making me feel like it!

I am always lying about my status to strangers, when filling applications and when having small talk with people I work with… I want to be able to say that I am a single mother without getting the usual reaction… I know my whining is cliché for it is a social problem women in my status have been dealing with since forever, but I demand change!

January 23, 2008

Some things are true!!!

When I was little; as an young enough to believe all the things my dad used to teach me, one of the things he repeatedly told, was that one should always behave morally and ethically as per one’s principles, “… because people respond to sincerity, and will tend to act the same way in return” he always added.

When he first said it, I was too young and naive to argue; in addition, baba was that scary figure one could never dare to argue with. However, as a teenager, I insisted on making the argument “but what if I am dealing with people who have no regard whatsoever for morals or ethics??”… He would look at me in disgust and say “would you rather be like them, then, is that what you want??”… his tone was always too intimidating, I would back down but refrain from hiding the look that shows that I still had more to say, so he would add in a calmer, yet blaming tone “when dealing with such people, it is exactly the time you have to stick to your morals and ethics, because this is when it means you actually believed in them; this way, you will never lose”....

As poetic as he sounded whenever he said those words, something always made it hard for me to accept that shitty people get to be treated well by me, or by any good person that is. All through the past years, this thought always weakened my logic and made me hate that I am always supposed to act upon my own principles and values when faced by situations when I could twist them a little to give people what they deserve.

Until today! It actually worked!!!! I mean I did something I believed I should do, corrected a mistake I no longer had a reason to keep on doing, and I got a similar feedback!!!

Now the person who gave me that feedback is not a bad person, I have no category for that person to begin with, but the feedback I got gave me a better perspective. It is true! What baba had initially said is right; when you act in a certain way, people respond accordingly… and when they don’t, you haven’t lost anything really… as a matter of fact you only won self respect for doing the right thing, or at least what you think is right…

And oh oh, I love my dad!!! I promise I won’t make fun of anything embarrassing he does, at least until his birthday!!

On another note, this post was supposed to be 3 short paragraphs at most! Boy am I talkative!!

Dear Friend,

My father and your mother were friends since college, and their friendship extended to a family level. We traveled together more than once; we were practically family, and I really really liked your family very much, especially your mom; she will always be the mother I never had.

As adolescents, you were a bit of my idol; I always thought you were cool, stylish and had a bright presence that I think I faded out in the background every time we were together. Sometimes I envied you for your sense of humor that could win people over no matter how insensitive it could be. After all, you are Libra; Librans have that charm that make them screw up and not even have to apologize… they just smile, and for some reason they are forgiven. God knows I hate all Librans for that!

As I became a teenager, for some reason, I started disliking you! I have a few reasons but they all seem stupid and dull now, so I would rather not discuss them. Nonetheless, I could never be rude or mean to you because you just don’t allow people to be that way to you. Damn Libra!

What happened???? Well, I kinda know!!!

We both fell for the guys of our dreams. We lived the romantic dream to the fullest; we married the guys we loved. Everyone in our circle of family and friends seemed to be happy for us… how little did we all know! Enough dwelling on that, it turns my stomach!

Well, I know how mine turned out to be; a liar and a cheater with a disturbing twist of delusion and insanity! He did change a lot in me when I was with him; thank God I am considerably over the damage he caused. I am quite aware of the scars, but I would like to think my spirit is still in tact.

What on earth did he do to you?? Last time I saw you, you were pale beyond belief; and it’s not because of your deteriorating health condition, which by the way I think has to do with your extremely low morale. You seemed broken in so many ways it made me wanna tell you a lot of things; I just didn’t think we were ever close enough for me to talk, and I was afraid you’d get hurt if those words came from me.

I would never tell you to walk out on your marriage; I know it is not an easy decision, I know! And perhaps he’s tolerable in ways I wouldn’t understand, perhaps he’s a good father to your children, and perhaps he even has his moments with you. I understand he doesn’t have to be the jerk mine turned out to be, and I honestly wish he isn’t, because you deserve happiness girl.

But please, don’t ever let him kill your spirit or make you feel as miserable the way you looked last time. I know some men can diminish your self worth, but I think it’s basically because they have low self worth themselves. When he’s being obnoxious, remember that you never allowed people to treat you that way without even having to show attitude; that was your gift, use it. And don’t let anyone get under your skin… you are funny, young, beautiful, a good mother and have a kind heart… that’s a lot of things people do not have in one package, if he doesn’t appreciate it enough to acknowledge it, then at least you should!

I can’t promise you things will get better, for I don’t know. Here is what I can promise you: you are loved. By every one of us who knows you, your family, my family, your friends, our mutual friends, and myself.

I wish I could call you up and tell you all that, but I am afraid it could make you cry, I am afraid you would feel the way I do when people call me up and say “are you sure you’re ok”. This phrase makes me realize something must be terribly wrong for people to keep asking and then I start feeling “not ok”.

God bless you and your beautiful kids.

January 20, 2008

Out with the bad mood, and In with the positive attitude

I realized I let my mood slide dramatically this weekend over a couple of stupid mistakes and wrong reactions. I know I will never really be able to talk about them, and I know they will piss me off for a while, but I will find my way around them eventually; so no need to ruin other people’s moods in the process.

H, sorry for being that absent minded on Friday, that was just wrong… you called me to go out to make me feel better, I am forever grateful. THANK YOU for the 50% discount you got me, I know my reaction over the phone was like a damp piece of cloth, but I promise to do the whole hug-and-jump dance when I see you :) 50% off, YEEEEY

D, thank you very much for talking to me yesterday… thank you for explaining things I was too tired to figure out for myself…Thanks for being the one and only person I can still spill my guts to without worrying about being misunderstood, and thank for knowing how to handle me…God knows how much I miss you, best friend :)

B, thank you very much for reminding me of the important things one always needs to remember, instead of making me tell more details…and thanks a lot for doing it in the nicest way possible :)

All my friends who worried about me and tried to help, THANK YOU… I so appreciate it all, and it does make a difference when you say those nice things to me, I actually happen to believe them!!!



Don’t nod your head when I ask for help, unless you really plan to help

Don’t help if by helping, you think you're entitled to judging me or giving me unwelcomed advice

Don’t make me feel like my request for help was too much; if you won’t help, just say so, gracefully please; it already took me forever to consider whether I should ask for that help or not

Don’t give me attitude and say you have your own load of shit, and then expect me to control my attitude; you know the shit loads I’m sinking under, wanna trade??

Don’t piss the crap out of me, then come and talk to me like nothing had happened, or tell me I should be more ‘forgiving’ because it’s not about that

Don’t apologize; God knows where I stand on apologies, I am sick and tired of hearing them

Don’t rant randomly, you have no idea how sensitive I am these days; I am most likely to take each and every word the wrong way, and God knows I must have done that a million times already

Don’t give me the are-you-ok treatment, or the I-know-you’re-broken treatment; I am not ok, but I am not broken

Don’t give me the you-should-be-doing-fine-already treatment either; if it’s to motivate me to stand on my feet and move on, it’s not working. Just let me take my time and try to bear up with me if you can’t help

Don’t judge me and don’t make up your own expectations of how I should act or behave; for your information, I torture myself over this more than enough, you just have no idea

Don’t smother me with questions and/or suggestions, I need my space even when I know that my status as a mother doesn’t leave room for much of it, but I DO need it, I promise

Finally, PLEASE don’t take my crankiness and my irritability the wrong way, I wish I could smile and pretend nothing is wrong like I usually do, but this is the only time I let my troubled feelings surface… Nonetheless, I love you, all of you… just lately, I haven’t been able to feel your love or support, and I kinda feel unwelcomed… I wish I had other options, but right now I don’t, and this is making me miserable in so many ways…

January 19, 2008

Random, yet revolving around the same thought!

Last night I went to bed at around 11!! I slept until noon!!! But it wasn’t real sleep; it was interrupted by my sons waking up every few hours and me having dreams about real life events… not cool.

An old friend stumbled upon my facebook account and sent me a two line message that made a few tears fall on my cheeks!

I answered the message in three short paragraphs that sounded like old cheerful me…

My mood was just ruined… I turned to my irritated self, very impatient with everyone; my ma, my sisters, and my sons… I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t deal with anyone.

I want to be alone; when I feel lonely; all I want is to be alone, not surrounded by people who expect me to act in a certain way. If their presence won’t make me less lonely, then I’d rather be alone.

In a failed attempt to shake off the mood, I dressed my kids, got dressed my self, and went out…

I don’t know what I was thinking, taking my kids out when I am in that mood. I was distracted; too many thoughts, too many voices yelling in my head forcing me to literally shake my head hoping they would go away.

I went to bed shortly after I returned home; I though sinking underneath the sheets would just help. Instead, I felt cold inside out! My heart was shivering, and so was my body.

I turned on my mp3 player hoping music would help! It didn’t. It’s like the stupid ipod knew which songs to play despite the shuffling!! I kept choking up, I couldn’t breathe normally, I couldn’t even cry!

A few songs later, I stared crying… just a few tears like earlier this morning… choked… and it was like I was forcing the tears out hoping I’d feel better, but wasn’t really!! Crying no longer helps; it makes me feel weak and makes breathing much harder than it already is.

Insomniac as ever, lying in my bed, shivering and feeling scared… no longer crying, my eyes have run dry I guess. I lay on my side, trying so hard to put my finger on the reason I am feeling that way, but I think it’s just……. I don’t know!

What’s wrong with me??!! I am freaking out over a few lines and a couple of songs!! I can’t stand being around people… I don’t feel like I can open up to anyone anymore… I can’t even write about it… what’s wrong with me?

January 17, 2008

Is it weird that I found this funny??!!

I was online with a friend as I discovered I made a not so great decision, so…

Me: ghellet ghaltet 3omry (having the work-related issue in mind)
My Friend: eh etgawezty X (the husband’s name) tany?

So X gets to be the ultimate mistake of my life!!

Anyway, I smiled every time I remembered the comment!!! Thanks man :)

January 12, 2008

Too happy to be bothered!

I got to my car to find all four tires FLAT, for the SECOND time this week!!! I know I have been parking in a place that belongs to a government facility but there is no “no parking” sign and this was no civilized way to handle it. I swear once my good mood wears off, I will find who’s responsible and kick some serious a$$.

That being said, I WENT TO THE MOVIES. *fireworks* and it was everything I thought it would be.

Yessssss, my very first movie since I gave birth to mocha. The last movie I saw was Music & Lyrics and it was around 3 weeks before I gave birth; this means I haven’t been to the movies for almost nine months. NINE MONTHS people!!!!!!

I went to the movies, yeeey… I can’t get over it!! Even when my friend called to ask which movie I wanted to see as I was still at the gas station refilling my tires, I told her "I don’t care Surprise me". It was AL Jazeera. I thought she was going for 7eena Maysara, but I guess that was what she wanted to see.

Nonetheless, I like it. I am not sure if it was due to my desperate need to get into a movie theatre, or if it simply was the good script, the good casting and Sherif Arafa’s good work. I will know for sure after I see more movies; right now, I have movietitis to recover from.

Boy, am I easy to please!!!!!

January 10, 2008


He’s calling, over and over and over. Normally, I wouldn’t have even bothered answering him. Actually, I know all the reasons behind his calls, and I hate them, yet for some idiotic reason I am tempted to reconsider!

His aunt visited a couple of weeks before New Year’s; she was trying to offer –on his behalf- a civil divorce with some compromising from our side. I was willing to agree, only my dad brought up a very important point: he’s unreliable and fickle; there are no guarantees he’d stick to whatever we agree on, so let it be what the court rules even if it’s much less because it was never about the money, it is about him being taught a lesson that actions DO have consequences.

I love my dad’s idealism, and there is no room for criticism here; I am my father’s daughter when it comes to ideals and notions I guess. And he has done me wrong, and killed something in me that I know will never be brought back to life. I have accepted my loss; but it would be rewarding to know that there is a price for him to pay, and that has nothing to do with holding a grudge.

It was mentioned to his aunt that he never even bothered asking to see the kids, to which she argued, that he was too proud. My father told her that pride should never come between a good loving parent and his/her kids, and asked her why pride has not stopped him from asking for the gifts he got me as his wife!! She was speechless, of course she should be; this what she got for defending an idiot and a coward (I say it without malice, I promise; it’s merely what he is).

So now I understand; she probably talked to him, she probably blamed him for making her look so bad with his weak paternal instincts and senseless logic, she probably went on and on about how adorable my kids have become; how beam makes up words and sometimes sentences, and how mocha is starting to have more significant features. Perhaps it had awaken something in him; however, whatever her words had awakened, it will dose off again the moment he discusses it with any of the dumb acquaintances with whom he’d been sharing private details.

Anyway! He keeps saying he wants to see them. I don’t mind! Well, actually I kinda do, but I know better to not let it get in the way of him communicating with them. Nonetheless, I don’t want to traumatize my sons; he can only see them if he promises to be a good father to them. He can’t just drop by and see them because he feels guilty or pressured; guilt and pressure won’t last and I wouldn’t want either of my kids to be unhappy missing him because he’s no longer feeling guilty or pressured to be present in their lives. He can’t just back off from this promise like he did with the promises he made to me, he can’t; I won’t let him.

He says he wants to meet at the club, and I say it has to be at home, where it’s safe and warm, and where I can distract beam if he cries as his father leaves. He objected to coming at our place because “ana ma2darsh adkhol el beet da tany”, to which I responded “your aunt dakhaleto, was she not welcomed?” It was a long futile argument that probably cost me a ticket as I drove while having it.

He doesn’t understand me, he never did. He thinks I am using my kids to punish him, but I am not! I don’t want another scene at the club with my son breaking my heart by refusing to leave with me. I don’t want my son to start saying his name when he wouldn’t care enough to show. My sons deserve nothing less than a good loving father; if they can’t have him, then they will not need to compromise for less.

If he doesn’t want to visit them at home because he’s too proud to set his feet where he has repeatedly insulted me, fine, we can arrange to have that visit at my aunt’s, the one who knows about all that.

However, I know he will say a lot of crap about not wanting to go there either; I also know why. He wouldn’t be able to bring his other two aunts, or his cousins who practically kicked me out, or his grandma who had falsely accused me of never greeting her in the morning. He would feel too awkward being hosted by people who would rather have nothing to do with him, and it should embarrass him.

I don’t care! This is another consequence he has to deal with. He has to be reminded of his insensitiveness every time he sees my sons, he has to feel uncomfortable and he has to spend time telling his family what the kids look like now, because they won’t be able to come and see for themselves, unless of course the can get over the discomfort. Except their cousins, they are never allowed in even if they did apologize to me in person, I would rather they don’t because there is really no need when I won’t be accepting their apology.

Am I being too hard? Perhaps! Should I give him room to try and talk me out of it? I don’t know, I don’t think I should.

I can’t help but wonder though, what if he really misses them and wants to see them??? Wouldn’t I be denying my kids a semi-reformed father in case he’s true?? My mind is going back in circles all over again! I am not sure what to decide. HELP!

January 9, 2008

a haircut, a mocha frappe, and random stationary item!

My day did not start off well... and even right now, it’s not going that well, which makes me think it won’t end well either.

However, I did manage to steel a couple of hours out of home, and got myself, a haircut, a mocha frappe with extra chocolate syrup and a new daily agenda that I sooo love; it has those verses written on it:

"يا قلبي إوعى تعــاشر الدون
و لا تكلمة بالاشتــراحة
تكلمــه الكـــلام مــوزون
تلقـاه يرد بقبــاحة"

ابن عروس

Luckily, I am easy to please although extremely hard to impress!

January 8, 2008

This was the hardest thing I ever had to write!

I am disappointed at you; for I never treated you that way. Anyways, I will be over it in time, only I will know better than to ever ask you for anything.

It’s not just the last incident; I’ve been piling up some stuff since you kept yelling at me “enty magnouna”. I did not reply to you then because I was too focused to not say hurtful things like you did, but here it goes: Yes, I am crazy, but that doesn’t make you any better. I am the kind of crazy who would always give support to those I care for. I am the kind of crazy that would rather bite my tongue before saying shit to them, the way you did that day. You think I replied? You have no idea!! You know me better and you know how mean I can be, instead you saw me cry… you should have known it hurt.

And by the way, you have no idea what it’s like to walk one mile in my shoes. You don’t get to give me parenting advice; however, you get to keep them for when you’re a mother. For what it's worth, you'll make a good one some day.

For someone who speaks so much of personal space, you should know better than to underestimate my need for my own space.

And for the love of God, how come you always play devil’s advocate, but you never stop to consider that may be I could use some advocating myself!!

I realize being upset with you is only hard because I expected more from you, it’s my bad. I should have not count you as a friend; my friends do better, and you are better to your friends; therefore, it doesn’t make us friends. I was stupid to think otherwise. I guess this is why I am upset.

I really still care for you. I still think highly of you, and whenever asked, I will always say you’re good friend. Just not mine.

I wish you may never have problems like mine, I wish life always gives you its best, and I wish you never feel the way I do right now.

Nostalgic quotes… The things people told me… part two

Through college years…

you do everything way to much; you think too much and you care too much, you have to take it easy a bit before it does some serious damage to your brain
M… I was barely 17, but I think you figured me out before long before I did, which is strange cause all you ever saw about me was bright sunshine!

stop thinking; life is more fun when you stop analyzing the things that bother you
S… I tried! I actually did for a while and it was fun like you said, but you know better… if not analyzing bad things stops them from happening, bad things would have never happened to u… I wish your problems end.

did you hear what the doctor said I had?? Will you tell me the truth… by the way, I never meant to be mean to you, I really really love you, I just don’t know how to be good to those I love
O… I specifically didn’t want to know what the doctor said because I would have never been able to lie to you, yet I couldn’t bear to tell you the truth… FYI, I forgave you for making my childhood hell long before that day… now when I think of you, I smile and wish you the best :)

“matso2eesh zay el banat, soo2y 3edel
K… etnayel, ana basoo2 a7san mennak… ok, you’re a good driver, and you taught me how to stir the wheel like a guy, thanks :D

you’ll grow up one day to know how much your dad loves and appreciates you; this is his own way of hiding his mushiness, being too strict and tough!
Uncle O, thank you for telling me that… I didn’t believe it much then, but it made sense later… I wish you were still there, could have used your support… God bless you.

ed7aky ba2a, mesh kol ma2ool nokta tekbeseeny… ed7aky ladrabek
F… you did hit me, or at least you almost strangled me with the seatbelt while you tried to tickle me, and you wouldn’t stop until I almost poked your eye… I miss you, you did make me laugh despite the idiotic jokes, and now every time I am told a joke, I think of you and smile :)

you’re a good friend, you really are
F… now you know that I wasn’t that much of a good friend to you… I am sorry I let you down, but it was either you or M, and she needed me more!

one day, when you’re in love, you’ll know why lovers make one another miserable… and you’ll know why it’s hard to just let him go and move on
M… I always understood why it was hard to let him go, what I never got was why you let yourself fall for him in the first place… but who am I to judge you!

ok, this one likes you… but I don’t like him much
N… I married him!! You were right!! But then again, he was right about you!! and by the way, I did live up to my ethics and left him when turned into an obnoxious jerk.

watch out, he’s the type who would say whatever lies to keep you” followed by “you’re so lucky someone loves you that much that he’d do anything to make you stay
N… no wonder you had a complicated love life… and seriously, etfadaleeh, you two think a lot like each other!! He’s single now!

N is right about him you know, despite how crazy and twisted she is… we talked about you and him, and we both came up with the conclusion that you’re too good for him and you can do much better! We Kaman ana mesh 3agebny the way you do everything he says, it’s like it’s a different you… you were never obedient or submissive, but you never argue with him… this is not good, I don’t think he deserves that effort you do to please him… loves you or not, I don’t like him…ok, I’ll shut up now before you stop listening
D… why on earth did I not listen to you; I think it had to do with you agreeing with N!!! Idiot, idiot, idiot... that’s who I was around him; a complete idiot.

when I last saw you, I thought you were on the right track, all ready to be a fine young woman… it never occurred to me that you would lose your way!! You deserve better than someone whom his family does not accept you. do you know who your father is? Do you have a clue the respect people have for you just because you’re his daughter, how can you throw that away? Don’t tell me you love him, you will love someone else and then you will change your mind about it, you’re almost 20. Leave him now before it gets more complicated
M… you have no idea how much I cried that day because of what you said. You almost got through to me! I wish you did, now, I wish I never ever see you or run into you.

January 6, 2008

Nostalgic quotes… The things people told me… part one

Through childhood and school!

inty el asl… el ba2y kolohom maygoosh feeky 7aga
nana, I LOVE YOU and I MISS YOU…

mat3ayateesh, ana harga3 tany and we hanel3ab zay zaman
K… you did come back, and we always had fun like the old days… but you never grew up… I might have been 19 years younger, but I outgrew you enough to stop thinking you were fun! Nonetheless, God bless you and your family.

leh ten2asy kol el nemar de, zeyada 3annek eh elly beygeebo fullmarks?
Dad… they have one thing I always lacked; wanting to get high scores!! I never cared for grades and I never will!! I used to get pissed when you said those words, especially when followed by "you must be stupid", now I know it was your way to motivate me… FYI, wasn’t motivating at all!!!

she’s smart, she’s just too quiet to show it
Math teacher… I was never quiet, I just didn’t like you much to bother impressing you!

you’re probably the most stubborn person I have ever known!
D… liar! You’re way more stubborn than I am; you’re only sweeter, so people don’t notice it :)

yeeey, you finally have a crush, I finally have something to tease you with!
D… I know you were bummed I never called you after midnight to tell you about my fantasies, but a crush only meant “I think he’s cute, but I’ll never really know”…

don’t say you won’t fall in love, you’re still 16, you’re too young… when you’re in love you will know what I mean
S… I HATE you, I hate how right you were.

(To be followed by more parts.)

January 3, 2008

I couldn’t stop laughing!

Yesterday, my dad was going to Alexandria with one of his best friends, a man I just enjoy his company. If it weren’t for my kids’ flu, I would have joined just to be around people who actually make me laugh from the heart. Looks like my prayers were answered, for around an hour or so after my dad left to pick up his friend, I found his friend calling…

(sorry the conversation is in English transliteration, but translating it would have killed the fun really)

Uncle N: aloo
Me: aiwa ya uncle, ezayak? *big smile on my face*
Him: Kowayes, kowayes seebek… kan nefsy tekoony mawgooda ma3aya delwa2ty we teshoofy el manzar da! *an extra serious tone*
Me: Manzar eh?
Him: mayetwesefsh, bas ha7awel la2en de la7za tarekheya…
Me: shokran *smiling again*
Me: kheir???
Him: ABOOKY, el ragel el mo7taram elly lama beyedkhol makan el nas beto2af 3ashan tesallem 3aleeh… elly lama beyesh7'ot fel beet el sha7'ta, bey7'aleeko teleffo 7awaleen nafsoko…
Me: Aiwa aiwa, 3arfah… 3amal eh ya3ne!
Him: Geh le7ad 3andy we a7'adny we so2na le7ad Master’s we geena no2af 3ashan neshrab 2ahwa we nesally la2eeto labes gazma farda bonny we farda sooda
Him: el beeh elly 3amel beyefham fel alwan mesh 3aref el bonny men el eswed
Me: ya uncle wenta betkalemny leeh, enta mesh 3andak camera 3al mobile, sawarro besor3a abl ma ya7'od el mobile mennak…*still laughing*
Him: yaaaah, fatetny, maho ya setty 2am gab gazma Tanya men el shanta *baba’s voice in the background* bey2oolek ebnek el gazma howa elly bey7ot gezzam mesh shabah ba3daha gamb ba3daha…
Me: bas ebny 3aref el far2 been el gazma el sooda wel gazma el bonny, 7atta es2al baba hay2ollak… we eza kan bey7otohom mesh gamb ba3d, da mesh 3ozr aslan….. rabena yekhaleek leya ya uncle 3ashan kalemteny tesaya7lo..
Him: la howa ana haskot, eskenderya kolaha hate3raf…. Khody 3ayez yekalemek..
Baba: aiwa ya *insert some sheteema, but in a joking tone* ebnek yeb3ed 3an gezamy khales… fada7toony
Me: enta kol 7aga te2oly ebnek, feen 3eneek…
Baba: aslan ana geet 2a2la3 el gazma oddam el game3, wel denya showaya dalma, la2eet farda be robat we farda men gheer robat…
Me: KAMMAN!!! *laughing even more*
Uncle: *in the background* ya3ne mesh bas 3andak 3ama alwan, la2 a3ma tamaman
Baba: bas eskot enta khales, 3ala fekra, el ragel da mesh hayenfa3ek….
Me: wala tez3al, 2ollo yama bento nezlet be farda we farda, de marra aslan nezlet be farda be ka3b we farda la2, we lama ma3erfetsh temshy eftakaret enaha beto3rog we khafet 3ala nafsaha….
Baba: begad??!!!
Me: Ah, kalemooha es2alooha *laughing even more, for it did happen*
Baba: tab khod khod ya abu el habla…
Uncle: tab ana benty habla, Allah yekoon fe 3oon bentak
Me: la ya uncle, ana a3da 3andohom, mesh hala2y 7etta abat feeha keda…
Uncle: tab khalas…. Kefaya keda, yalla bye, hakalem ba2eet el nas a7kelhom… tesba7y 3ala kheer ya bent (baba’s name)

My dad turns 59 next February; I think he’s getting old!! He never NEVER would have even worn a pair of socks that wouldn’t match his outfit!!! He has like million shades of each color and he has a name for each, although he would call dark dark olive: grey; but still, he could tell one shade of color from the other regardless what he called them.

When I told Maat about the shoes incident she was like “BABA!!!!! Ya 7aram ya baba”.

P.S. Cousin O, I know you check my blog from time to time, I would appreciate it if you do not tell any one in the family this, until I do it myself in the next family gathering… I don’t want people finding out about my blog girl :)