Every freakin’ time…

Me: but do I really have to come? Can’t you just go and leave me with the boys??

Baba: *in a firm tone* no, we’re going with friends, you need to be there for them; moreover, you and the boys could use a change of scenery away from the daily routine.

Mama: why are you so upset? you could use the fun…

Me: *interrupting with utter frustration* but there is NEVER any fun, I drive long distances while everyone else other than baba and whoever else driving gets their share of rest. We arrive and the kids are too active while I’m drained. Everyone wants to go discover places that are not necessarily kids friends, so either I am stuck ALONE with them in the room or a play area, or join to a place where I have to keep chasing them while screaming at the top of my lungs. No fun for me. And when we have breakfast or dinner, everyone keeps looking at me like I’m supposed to put them on leash and muffle their little mouths with food or go entertain them elsewhere so that everybody else can have their meal quietly! At the end of the trip, everyone had their fun, EXCEPT ME; and neither have I kept company of my friends, enjoyed a quiet night scene by the pool or the beach, and sometimes I don’t even get to see the beach because my kids would jump there and no one would help!!

We have this very same fight every single time friends visit from out of town and we go vacationing! In every single trip, comes a moment when my mom yells at me in front of our friends, pointing out that those are my kids and I should not be having any fun or ME-time until they’re old enough! And every single time, I end up in an empty hotel room faced by how tired I am of it all, and I sit on the very same edge of the bed and stare at the half-opened luggage as I fight the tears from pouring out of my eyes!!

Am I the only one who sees it? There is kids time every weekend when I take them out with or without their dad, there is ME-time after hours with friends alone, which by the way, I seem to steal away, or worse, when my friends bail, I end up trying to spend it and enjoy it on my own because that’s the only break I get!!! And those vacations freakin’ suck…

And mama and her hurtful ways as always… ok I get she wants to be with her friends bla bla bla… but hello, this woman barely kept any of her friends to begin with! The only ones she has are the wives of baba’s friends.

And yes, I know those are MY kids, I should be responsible, not her. But who is she to judge, ever since I can remember it was always “inso, take care of your sisters… don’t let them stray… take them with your friends…” and I am four years older than my sister, and 6 years older than baby sis!!

AND, on our last vacation, I left my kids with my parents and they left their with me. Normally, there would be no comparison since my sisters are old enough to take care of themselves, BUT NOOOOOO, she would call me and ask me about every single meal they had, and whine about how mine are driving her crazy. For the love of GOD, I cried so many nights on that vacation because of the stress she caused!! And when baby sis decided to take off to a different city on her own, I was the one who was left to take all the blame from every family member who had my number!! I was the one who managed the luggage, and paid the difference for the extra weight (because “you have more money”). So I was forced to take charge because “enty el kebeera” just like I am expected to act all responsible 3ashan “enty mamethom”

I look back and I can’t stop thinking that I never had MY TIME where I was the one to be taken care of, and it feels so freakin’ unfair, and yet no one else sees it and no one wants to give me a break because “it’s her responsibility and her role” what a load of BS!

So now, I am in an empty hotel room, both of the boys went to prayers with my parents and their friends after mama made the usual scene in front of a different tant and uncle and baba decided to just wrap things up.

I could go to the beach and have me-time, or join the girls (my sisters and my friend), but my mood is all ruined now and my back still hurts from a very exhausting week. I will just sulk in bed until I feel like I can put on my smile and my friendly posture, or until they’re back.

I really wanted to have fun, but it’s too much effort when no one understands what it’s like to be you!

Beautiful in red!

Having this on my desk just brightens my day!

Merry Christmas :)

A so-called break

Two days ago, my baby sister called from Alex where she had gone with my dad to relax for a couple of days asking me if it was possible to take three days off from work and chaperone her to Sharm El Sheikh since baba would not let her travel alone. It was right after I had published my last post and I still don’t know if she had read it or not!

My first instinct to her request was, “ok, let me figure a couple of things out and talk to mom” since she was the one supposedly accompanying her. According to my sister, ma had bailed on her because I am too stressed out and she can’t just travel for a couple of days and leave me!! So now I am that much of a burden!!

Anyway, I had a doctor’s appointment the next day for my last wisdom tooth to be pulled out, I had already started taking antibiotics to prepare; therefore, I did not want to postpone. Moreover, I had not yet called my boss to ask him if it was ok to take three days off. I packed for two anyways; mocha and I and decided that I should be ready anyway.

While packing I subconsciously started making plans for my stay in the hotel room and I couldn’t shake the thought of getting a massage one way or another if mocha sleeps or something! However, the moment I finished packing I sat on my bed and I kept murmuring, “mesh 3ayza asafer, mesh 3ayza asafer!” I did not want to leave my beem and I most certainly couldn’t take both my kids with my sister leaving me all alone all day to her conference, let alone having to travel with her colleagues with two kids is just too weird!

The next day, I called my boss on my way to the dentist and he said that he would prefer it if I don’t leave and that he did not like how sudden my request was, somehow that was a relief. So I sent my sister text telling her to talk to mama and called ma telling her it was really ok for me that she goes with my sis. Later, while waiting at the clinic my other sister called asking me if I could drive both of my sisters to the place where they gather with other NGO members to leave, I told her I wouldn’t make it on time and that they should take a taxi or something.

I couldn’t help but feel like my virtual plans were ruined, but well, I also knew I had cold feet about leaving one of my kids at home! I kept telling myself that it was all for the best, and perhaps both of my sisters taking some time off would do everyone some good.

I started planning for the weekend getaway and called my father to confirm that I can proceed with making reservations if there was available rooms in el Ein el Sokhna. When I called him he was in a grumpy mood, he blamed me for making a promise to my sister to chaperone her and getting her hopes up that way, and he told me that it was either mama or I who should go with her and that one of us should keep her word!

So, I called my boss again and promised him I will be checking my mail regularly and finally got him to agree, then called my sister and told her to put some last-minute stuff in my already packed bag and meet me downtown to take the bus. Then I finally got into the dentist’s office who overheard most of the conversations anyway, and got my wisdom tooth pulled. It was painful and it still hurts like hell, it’s worth mentioning I am under both antibiotics and Panadol extra and I still feel like a couple of anesthetic shots!!

It was extremely HOT, and it took what seemed like forever to meet and then get into the small bus and then finally move on our way to Sharm and it took a bit more until the A/C had finally kicked in!! Meanwhile, my shades failed to hide the signs of utter disgust on my face as my teeth were clenched biting on that piece of bloody cotton hoping that the pain wouldn’t drive me crazy. Nonetheless, I kept thinking, perhaps it’s the break I wanted; perhaps I would finally get to relax, even if I didn’t get to sit by the beach or get a massage, I usually enjoy slacking around in a nice and cozy hotel room. I always look for something to keep me positive and I always tell convince myself that there is a good thing about going for something as well as there’s a good thing on not doing the same thing!!

My sister kept treating me as if I were an emotional wreckage for some reason! I did not want to ask her if she had read my post; instead, I just told her that I was fine with travelling with her and that she had to stop apologizing and start relaxing and enjoying the experience. I meant it, I promise.

It was a long ride, my no longer existing tooth was killing me and I kept gulping panadol extras as if it were Chiclets. It’s worth mentioning though that mocha was quite an angel all through; he slept and when he was up he really really behaved, I’m so proud of my baby.

On our way, my sister shared the delightful news; she had run out of contact lenses; moreover, while talking to my dad on the phone as he was telling her that her trip is to be cancelled if neither mama or me went with her, she threw her glasses and got them broken, which left her technically blind. This meant we had to look for a place that sells prescription contacts once we arrive at Sharm, which was not expected to be any earlier that 8:30 pm, and just to make things more interesting, it turned out we were not booked in Naema Bay and that the hotel (resort actually) was 7 kilos away! Great!

When we finally arrived, one of us had to stay and check in while the other had to ask around for advice on where to find an optician or a pharmacy that sells contacts. Since my sister had blurry vision in addition to her original bad sense of direction, I suggested that she would handle the checking-in while I go to Naema Bay.

It’s crazy how people in Sharm know to take advantage of 7 kilos distance from where I was to Naema Bay; one word: 7arameya!! Anyways, beggars are not chooser, but it sure made me miss my car. So, once I got there, I got to see the new ugly face of Sharm el Sheikh; it was by no means the place I liked six years ago! People were extremely unhelpful and unfriendly; and strapping mocha to me in his carrier was an additional factor for people to flee instead of offering help like it normally happened in good old Cairo!! Apparently, having a baby strapped to me eliminated the sexy factor, let alone being in jeans and a shirt while everyone was in their tank tops and shorts!

After some serious effort from my side to overlook some annoying factors as I walked in Naema Bay, I finally got the contacts and bought some drinks and dinner and headed home since my sis called saying there were no dinner arrangements at the hotel. She was having a bit of an attitude over the phone and I gave her some back because honestly, I was too tired to start taking any shit from anyone at that point.

I got back to find that she was still at the lobby with the luggage because our residence was too far away and she worried I wouldn’t find the way easily given how huge the resort is. So one tuf-tuf and one gold cart later, we finally got into one nice cozy room, with the touch of nice old Egyptian style! I was excited and I started thinking things were gonna get better, little did I know.

I got into the bathroom to freshen up to find a black evil looking spider; the fact that it was rather small did not change the bigger fact that I am a wuss when it comes to insects, spiders and similar creatures in general. However, a quick evaluation of the situation helped me overcome my fear temporarily and I took off my slipper and squished it while screaming a lot louder than it would have had been given the chance! I got out of the bathroom all grossed and my mood was ruined, only it didn’t really show with all the fatigue.

Mocha stopped being an angel since he was bored, tired, hungry and simply irritated like any infant his age would. And to make things worse, he dropped a full pepsi can on his toe and it turned all blue and ugly and the poor thing kept crying! I could barely eat my meal despite how hungry I was and I asked my sis after noticing that she had finished eating to take him so that I can finish up. She kept nodding and mumbling things.

It’s worth mentioning that she had already provoked the crap out of me as I was telling her that next time we want food we should go out and eat instead of bring food into the room. She said she had dinner arrangements with the conference people, so I told her she should join me afterwards so that she can help me with mocha as I had dinner before heading back to the hotel. She simply said with her usual condescending tone, “ana 3andy fekra a7san, we split the money, we kol wa7ed feena ma3 nafso.” At that point I just waved with my hand asking her to stop talking and silently decided that it was a stupid idea to drag my son and go to a place where I simply wouldn’t be able to move freely for his convenience.

Mocha was still grumpy and irritated and I asked her again to take him so that she can comfort him until I finish up and wash my hands. Instead, she deliberately ignored me and started cleaning up after herself! I told her I would clean up for the two us and that it was more important that she attended to him since he needed comforting. Again, she insisted on ignoring me with her usual dismissive way that usually gets on my nerves.

That was it for me; I’ve been piling shit loads of crap from everyone in my family for a while, my tooth was killing me, I was having muscular strain because of that stupid carrier, my toes were hurt because of not-for-walking-long-distances slippers, I was still hungry since I didn’t really get to eat having to handle mocha, and I was still traumatized by the spider incident… I did not need attitude and most certainly not from someone who does not appreciate my help five hours after she wouldn’t stop apologizing for causing me that much trouble!!

I held my cell and I called mama asking her to come the next day so that I could go back. She kept making fun of my spider encounter and said how I once made them switch hotels because I found a roach. When she finally sensed how angry my tone was she figured I had a fight with my sis and handled the phone to baba who kept yelling at the two of us and said that if we couldn’t suck it up and behave like grownups we should return to Cairo at that instance.

Meanwhile, my dear sister blurted all sorts of insensitive shit that I think ruined our relationship for a while now. It’s sad how I thought of a million things to hurt her by saying, but I only said things like “law ma7taramteesh nafsek hagy adrabek” I almost had the urge to go punch her or something, but I held back because something in me screamed that I couldn’t do this to my sister! But I am mad at her despite how she kept crying and apologizing for all the mean things she said. Thing is, I was deeply hurt by what she said, and I know it will take me quite a while to be able to pretend it never happened.

Having her tell me I was a whiner who did not know how to do anything but complain, how I am always insisting on being right and doing things my way and never compromising brought painful memories I have been trying to block and almost succeeded until yesterday. But it helped me decide something; I am moving out, I may not be able to afford it, so I will ask for financial help from my dad which I was not willing to do before. However, I think it’s better that I keep a healthy distance between my sisters and I.

We tried to talk afterwards; in fact, she kept saying how we needed to talk and I kept shutting her off. I don’t wanna talk anymore; I no longer do those heart-to-heart-opening-up talks. I may be as talkative as hell, but once I am offended that way, I just prefer to keep my mouth shut. She kept saying how we’re still sisters and how she loves me and asked me if I loved her back, I found myself looking the other way as I told her I hated that word and I no longer believed people could actually mean it without hiding behind it as the inflicted pain on their loved ones. She said I was being silly because our sibling love is much higher than that, I didn’t have it in me to tell her that it wasn’t, and that after the things she said, I was only interested in us being sisters in a formal way, whatever that is.

Call me 3ayela for not willing to talk things through, but I am beginning to think that some feelings are better left un-discussed and un-channeled. I must confess, detachment never felt so appealing.

I had a bad night, but then again, I’ve had worse. Mocha didn’t seem comfy in his sleep either. You know your nights sucked when you fall to restless sleep after 2:00 am to wake up on your own for no good reason at 6:00 am. We showered and got out of the room to have breakfast at 7:30. On our way to the restaurant mocha fell as he was insisting on walking and running, so I told my sis to leave us there and catch her group while I took care of him, which resulted in us losing track of one another and having breakfast in two different restaurants. Luckily the waiters in my restaurant were helpful and friendly, and mocha enjoyed poking his food as I fed him.

I finally got back to the room and actually had some sleep once I checked my work mail and sent out some replies using dial-up since there is no wi-fi in the room, let alone that it costs over 26 egps an hour!!

Shortly after waking up, I got into the bathroom to find a gecko. I screamed so loud, I think I heard echo! Why! WHY would I find a spider yesterday and find a gecko today?! I decided against using the bathroom until further notice, which happened around 40 minutes later when mocha decided he needed a change!

I got into the bathroom offering the tiny gecko a treaty and promising I wouldn’t even consider harming it as long as it remained hidden! The gecko kept its promise, but as I got closer to the lavatory, I spotted a vicious looking spider on the wall next to the mirror, and it was significantly bigger than the one I killed yesterday, 3aaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

That was it! I cleaned up mocha in a hurry, got out, got dressed, called customer care and asked them to send someone from housekeeping and almost freaked at the guy when I sense how he was trying to contain his laughter, which made him apologize.

I spent around 30 minutes at the unit lobby playing with mocha until the room was done. I got back into the room to find some customer care dude checking if I was satisfied with how clean the room have supposedly become. I think that’s code for me being their joke for the past 30 minutes; I know it makes me sound paranoid, but you should have heard the tone.

I slept again once mocha was asleep, this time it was for a longer time, only my sleep was dreams about my x pointing a gun at me through a door and I could see through it, followed by my own attempt to kill myself! Ain’t life just grand?!

I woke up to find a text message from my sis saying that she was expected back 20 minutes ago and that she had already ate lunch. I called her asking if she felt like dinner together, she said there were dinner arrangements with her colleagues that she was going to ditch because she didn’t feel like eating and that she needed to rest.

She came back and asked how my day was, I told her it was ok. She said, “enty betharagy, makalateesh men sa3et el fetar le7ad delwa2ty” I told her I made an order shortly before she came back and that it was expected any minute.

So far, I hate that I came to Sharm, I hate the city, I hate the resort even though it’s supposedly five stars, I hate the cable tv that only has one channel in English, CNN and two channels in Arabic, Al Jazira & Rotana Cinema! I hate the fight I had with my sister, I hate having missed work to be trapped in a secluded place where I don’t even feel like getting out of my room because of the unbearable heat. I hate that my plans starting the next weekend two days earlier to go to el Ein el Sokhna are practically ruined.

I am starting to think my sisters are right; perhaps I can do nothing but complain! I think I have gotten used to wallowing instead of actually doing something about it; I think I have become addicted to misfortunes because it’s easier to whine than it is to change things and shake them up! Or maybe I wasn’t clear! I need a vacation either without both of my kids where I am assured they are well taken care of and happy or a vacation with both of them with me, plus someone who babysits until I get my own treats. At this point, I am not even sure if anything can work for me; therefore, I will no longer have hopes or wishes, I give up.

Shaking things up…

Everyone is having a rather longer weekend… some people with lives traveled and enjoyed some change of scenery, while some others are too lazy to make plans… I am one of the lazy ones; so I had the time to sit and think of the 10 random things Arima asked for…

But first...


The Rules

• - Post 10 random things about yourself
• - Choose 5 people to tag and a reason you chose each person
• - Leave them each a comment directing them to your blog so they know they are it
• - You can’t tag the person who tagged you (you’ll have to make new friends)
• - As a courtesy to the person who tagged you, please let them know when you have posted so they can have the sheer delight and extra work load of reading your answers)
  
  

My 10 Random Facts

1. I am a Pepsi addict; seriously, I tried quitting, I tried substituting for all other kinds of drinks, nothing worked… I don’t think my bones will age gracefully, do I hear hip replacement at the age of 50!!

2. I am lucky/unlucky for being able to lose/gain weight so easily… either way I suffer financially with the continuous wardrobe changes!!

3. Up until I was 18 or something, I never listened to Arabic songs (except the oldies my dad played in the car during long road trips, when my walkman was busted or simply ran out of battery)… and when I finally did, it was strictly nothing but Fayrouz until a couple of years ago!!

4. I do not pay much attention to most of my properties; one look at my car, laptop and my cell phone, you’d see I am guilty of abuse!! I watch out for other people’s properties thought, I promise!

5. My hands tend to get all hot and sweaty, especially when I am nervous, until they sweat off all the heat and I am left with freezing palms.

6. For someone who has that much perfumes, I am not big on them; I am more of a natural fragrance girl… vanilla is on the top of my list along with berries, country apple, lime and coconut, and light jasmine fragrance… Bath and Body Works stuff are simply the best and The Body Shop is overrated!

7. As articulate as I can be at times, I find it extremely hard to say the words I mean the most; words that reflect sincere authentic emotions just make me stutter… I think I have emotional paralysis… it got a lot worse thanks to my x.

8. As much as I don’t seem to react properly to advice, I actually listen! When it’s good advice from people whom I value their opinion, it usually keeps haunting me until I do by it!!

9.I have authentic phobia from insects and spiders, I MEAN IT. Idiots who thought it was funny to wave a dead insect in front of me or throw an ant under my shirt scarred me for life that now I see a cockroach and I can start crying hysterically! I am way beyond fixing, so don’t try; it will only scar me some more.

10. Up until I had my kids, I always wanted to die young, I never wanted to turn 50… now that I have them, I wanna wait around until they’re all grown up and not needing me, and then I wanna die before I start getting helpless and sick… I have seen how people can age; it scares the shit out of me to be in that place one day.

The people I tag (in alphabetical order)

• 1. Deeeeeee; A sweet girl who knows how to speak her mind, and has an opinion about almost everything :o)
• 2. Embee; Love the sense of humor and the sarcasm; I just never get a chance to comment enough!
• 3. Gun Barrel Klashnikov; He’s bound to say something that is good arguing material; I just love that (hehe)… Everyone here knows about your Godfather obsession though, so different facts please :p
• 4. Nora; One of the sweetest most kind hearted people I have ever dealt with, God bless her :o)
• 5. Ragin Raven; His blog is always a good read, and he likes Edgar Allan Poe; does it get any darker!!
  

Come on people, don’t be shy!

All bright and sunny, except…

Nothing is majorly pissing me off these days! As a matter of fact, I will be off to Luxor tomorrow night isA with my family and some family friends whom I haven’t seen in ages. Moreover, I have spent four hours packing yesterday, so I better as hell have fun.

Except…

No one knows! None of those friends have the slightest clue of the drama my family is going through on my account… According to my dad’s story, the husband is on training in Dubai, and I am spending the time he’s away with them to get as much help as I can with my two kids and all.

I don’t know how to answer questions like “where does he work now?”, “how long is he staying in Dubai?”, “how is his family like, now you’ve moved in with them?”, etc. for I honestly do not know where he works now, he’s not in Dubai to be having an expected return date, and I am not capable of saying anything about how my life with him or his family was like; God knows I need professional help to forget. Let alone the whole speaking of him lovingly that I once did; now I can no longer imagine doing!

Can’t I just say “it’s over, only the divorce is taking more time than it should” and not have to answer any further questions?? Can I just come out without having to deal with any sympathetic reaction or remarks??

I think the whole “you don’t understand the implications of a divorce” my dad always told me is starting to sink in! It doesn’t feel good, and it’s not because I worry either about assumptions or judgments; it’s sympathy I find harder to accept. It’s the “matestahleesh kul da” or “danty bent nas” that I’ve been getting from everyone in our family and friends circle… those phrases hurt in so many ways, they hurt more than the “enty Kaman akeed konty ghaltana”!!! I think I am weird that way; too proud perhaps! I also think they make me feel bad for my parents and sisters more than I can afford right now.

This one single thought is making it hard for me to feel easy about anything… I wanna come out damn it! I wanna be able to talk about it without having people assuming I am vulnerable; hence, making me feel like it!

I am always lying about my status to strangers, when filling applications and when having small talk with people I work with… I want to be able to say that I am a single mother without getting the usual reaction… I know my whining is cliché for it is a social problem women in my status have been dealing with since forever, but I demand change!

How do I react? Seriously!!

So, while minding my own business and keeping the f***-off face, I got those texts... the icing on my beautiful day...

"Happy Eid ya (my name), and happy eid to beano and mocha too, our 2 angels, ya rab tekoony betkalemeehom kowayes 3anny, i wish you do that. Really, God knows my good intend for all of us & for your family. Happy eid, ya rab 3id sa3eed 3aliko, we ya rab ye'adimlina el kheir ya binty. Take care of u, dayman bad3eelik bel kowayes fe sery we fi salaty we 3azrek walahy. but!"

followed by this...

"Btw, don't forget 2 fast 2morrow we 3and el fitar ed3y bel khair ya (my name) we isA, rabina ye2ademlek dayman el khair ya om el 3eyal. I wish u get my msgs in good intent"

Will someone please tell me what to do, this is not good for my general health! i did not reply or even show any signs of reactions, but I am boiling underneath.....


*Maintaining my "Depressed Bit$#" mode and updating it to "Depressed Angry BitS#" Mode

Holiday Announcement!

Further to current events, I have decided to put on my depression hat and spend the whole holiday enjoying my bad mood.

So, to the family members who will either be joining me or meeting me in alex: Sorry for the bad mood and the crossed face, but I kinda like it that way and I plan to keep it... I am activating my "Depressed Bit$#" Mode.

Happy Holidays All

10 years ago…

10 years ago, I had the best vacation of my life; I dare say much better than my honeymoon (and it has nothing to do with the current events).

It was the year where there was bombing activity in Hatshepsut Temple. I remember that because I kept telling my dad that his attempts to get us killed had escalated to a new level.

The trip was organized by his old friends from college; most of them are family friends to us. We were supposed to meet on an early morning, take a bus from Alexandria to Cairo, then take a Plane from Cairo to Aswan, where we take a Nile Cruise from Aswan to Luxor stopping by all the touristic places, and finally take a plane from Luxor to Cairo, and a bus back to Alexandria. You say why Alex… it’s because my dad is Alexandrian; hence, most of his college friends reside there.

It was around 10 friends of his in addition to their families which summed up to… I am not sure of the number, we were too many people, most of us already knew each other and it was FUN.

I spent 5 days barely sleeping at all, which is not new with my insomnia and all; the big deal was that I spent that time with people; we did all sorts of group games and had as much fun as I almost never had in one trip.

I will always remember my friend O and how the two us used to listen to the same albums each on her own walkman (I did say it was 10 years ago), O’s brother A and their cousin D fighting over who would sit next to N. Y being all charming like always and gathering all the girls and boys around him with his interesting stories and amazing sense of humor. K’s lovable smile and continuous sarcasm of his mother along with Y. A and N and their sweet baby mariam who is probably a teenager now, H and M with the cutest baby ever, youssef, whom I will always think of as the perfect child despite his uncle Y’s attempts to ruin that image by taking photos of him with bottles of alcohol. K’s freaky laugh, which would scare people away, and my two sisters, with their now-abandoned glasses looking extra nerdy as they walked around with books.

I will always remember the photos O and I took of Y whenever he did anything, like falling asleep in the bus, drinking water, getting out of his room in Pjs or even taking a pause on the toilet to see if we were gonna take that photo for real (which I did despite my laughter and strong urge to pee myself). I remember that the two of us had a crush on that guy but we were too proud to admit liking a guy because of his looks and charm.

I will always secretly wish to hurt my dad for removing all Y’s photos along with the rest of the photos with only the guys because ‘I got married, and my husband wouldn’t like to see that much photos of me with guys’. This reminds me, I want to ask him where he had put them, and he better not say he threw them away.

My dad told me a couple of weeks ago that we shall go on another trip to Luxor. The first words that came out of my mouth were: “I want the same group as the last time; it would be weird because we’re no longer teenagers and most of us have kids, but pleeeeeease tell your friends to join and bring their kids”.

Despite my hopes that the same people would join, or at least most of them, I know it will different, for all of us are 10 years older now. I am not sure I will be that happy this time, I am not sure I will be able to look O in the eye and tell her the husband is on a business trip when she asks me how come he didn’t join.

That’s the thing, as much as I love those people, I wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing my problems with them. None of them has known me well enough for me to do that, and it goes both ways. I think this is why we like hanging around each other; we remind one another of the good old innocent days when we were nothing but kids, before life gave us scars that we deny having when we are together.

If I had a choice, I would go back in time to relive that trip, and stay there.

El Eid farha… family tradition!!

So I’ve been meaning to blog about that for some time, I just keep getting busy with my eventful life (bala kheiba).

I know all families have their own traditions when it comes to celebrating el eid as well as other occasions, but I kinda think my dad’s family has the weirdest of traditions. I have two sisters and two cousins whom I know will read this and will totally agree with me.

So here is how we spend el eid every year since my late grandpa died when I was about 8 years old. We’d have leave for Alexandria two days before el eid, have iftar at my aunt’s where my dad would leave my sisters and I with our cousins, take my aunt and uncle to visit their aunt and their cousins (which is ok). Afterwards, they go visit my other aunt (their sister) who lives in Miami and who is expected to visit us on the day of the eid, then come and pick us up after midnight.

On the day of eid, my dad would wake us up pretty early where we have to deal with mama’s hysteria and his intolerable bossy attitude and help with preparation of food and such, then we get dressed and sit still waiting for people to start coming while he keeps calling his brother and sisters (at home, back when there were no cell phones) urging them to hurry up and sometimes even yell at them in the spirit of eid.

Once all is here: a total of 3 aunts, an uncle and their sons and daughters (I excluded an aunt and 2 uncle who tend to be unavailable most of the time), we have lunch, which is usually renga (don’t ask), and after the tea, beverages and fruits, people start getting restless.

Here is the tradition, my uncle and his family would have to leave so that they can be home, when everyone who is already here starts visiting!! Yes, everyone means, us, and my other three aunts and their families!!! I KNOW, we were just together, heck we still are, but NO, each brother/sister has to receive the whole family at his/her place. So after uncle is visited, you’d find my other aunt (whom we had not visited two days before eid) rushing to the door so that she can make her home ready for visitors!!

And so we spend the first day of eid racing the streets of Alexandria in the midst of the eid traffic. Crazy I know; this is why my cousins and my sisters attempted more than once to talk some sense into our parents. Apparently, they thought it was disrespectful and irresponsible of us to think that it would make more sense for the whole family to gather at one place. They kept asking which brother and which sister would host this gathering. We suggested it would be my father since our place is big enough, but then they argued that our place is in Agamy, which is around 15 kilos away from Alex. YA SALAM, maho keda keda we spend the whole day going back and forth, let alone that at each home we have the same tea, ka7k and other eid treats!!!

We even suggested that each year someone would host the eid, this way all of them would have the honor, they said it was crazy because they would have to fight each year on who will be the host. We finally suggested that we would divide those visits on the three days of eid, and there came the ultimately annoying response: “la, khaleeha 3al2a wa7da”…. Tab lamma heya 3al2a, betakhdooha leeeeeeeeh!!!

It is just…. I am not sure there is even a word to describe it, so I won’t. This year, my sisters and I took a leave of absence due to my situation, so we only did our roles as hosts. But my guess is tomorrow, we will visit aunt H before we leave back to my beloved Cairo.

It no longer matters much to me where I spend my eid. I used to whine about not being to spend the first day with my late nana, or hang our with D or just stay home with the husband… nana died five years ago, D is in the states for the next couple of years and well, I don’t wanna see the husband.

I guess my eid just got better since I have nothing else that I’d rather do. I am thankful though. Happy Eid to all of you people out there who do not have such crazy traditions.

October 13, 2007