My birthday is next Sunday.
My friend H was asking me what I wanted for my birthday, I told her I wanted something extraordinary. She made a sarcastic comment as she said she meant to ask about what I wanted for a birthday gift not a birthday wish.
I told her I didn’t have anything specific in mind, I told her that I would like to spend a few hours on my birthday with friends or something, away from my kids, and then go back to my kids and have another celebration with them.
She asked me if that was my extraordinary something, or if getting a divorce on my birthday would be better. I told her neither would be that extraordinary really; they would be a relief of course, and I would be grateful, really grateful.
Something extraordinary is not my birthday wish; it’s what I want on my birthday. When asked to describe what it could be, I said something that would give me more hope and faith that better things are awaiting me, that all the pain and agony I feel from time to time are worth their while. I want something that would make my heart bounce with joy despite all the scars.
I have faith that it will be ok, but I am not always sure that I will be ok when all is over; so I want to know that I will be ok, I want to feel it and see a glimpse of it on my birthday. It would be a good change since he managed to ruin 8 birthdays so far!! Yes, my last good birthday was my 18th, and when asked how old I am I pause a little because somewhere inside, I am still hung on that number; I feel the years that came afterwards were stolen, or simply wasted.
So dear God, please make only good things happen to me next Sunday; it would be great and I would really appreciate it.