May 26, 2008

Some anger for a change!

I just spent the last 10 minutes talking to the social worker over the phone apologizing for not going to the so called amicable settlement, amicable settlement my a**. Do those people not get the concept of futility??!! What the hell did she benefit making me feel so freakin’ vulnerable? Was her mission to make me burst into tears the moment I hung up? Or is it her job description to make me feel so desperate?? Screw her!! I know my situation sucks; I know all about it, God knows how many years I will live regretting all this.

Yes, years of my life have been wasted. Yes, perhaps even some more will be wasted. Yes, I am an emotional train wreck who feels like freakin’ damaged goods, thank you very freakin’ much.

BUT NO, I do not buy that you care for my kids’ best interest! Their own jerk of a father doesn’t give a damn!! He did show up in front of you to file a request because that’s the only procedure before it goes to the judge in charge! So NO, I will not let him see the kids “amicably”; I will do whatever the judge rules; because now that I know he has malice I will need to get some guarantees before he sees my kids. And NO, in the meantime I will not take time off from work to come and waste my breath telling the same story for yet another time. Do you people not get sick of hearing the same crap day after day?!!

You did not have to be rude or yell at me! You did not have to make me feel like I was unacceptably rude for apologizing politely. And you most certainly did not have to accuse me of not caring for my children! I was feeling guilty about calling you and saying I was not gonna make it that I spent hours trying to figure out nice non-condescending words to tell instead of implying that your efforts as appreciated as they might be, are what they are, FUTILE.

YES!! Your efforts are futile and such a waste of time and resources. Your whole department is another sad sad evidence on how people fail to communicate. You know that! You know your government job is like millions of other jobs that can be eliminated if the system was perhaps slightly more efficient, betala moqana3a if you will!! A made up reason to pay people who do not really accomplish much!! Just like the rest of out deformed governmental structure! So you console yourself by telling yourself a lie that you help people and make a difference, be my guest, just do not patronize me while doing that!! If you get your daily kick by seeing people talk their hearts out, news flash, half of those are liars and the other half pretend to be strong so that you and your likes do not see their pain and agony.

This should sum up that your job is again FUTILE and your experience is lame because it’s fake! Hence, your understanding of people is worthless to me; I don’t need to come downtown to your office to prove that I am a civil person who cares for my kids. So enjoy other people’s agony! Just for today, not mine.


rasha said...

I'm sorry you had to go through all that.
I guess it's hard to keep ur hands clean when taking the grabage OUT!

It'll wash away...u're in my thoughts and prayers.
Hugs :)

insomniac said...

thank you rasha :) it means a lot that someone i don't know is praying for me, really :)))

rabena ye2adem elly feeh el kheir