I’ve been thinking about that since last week.
My kids... they need to interact with the x and his family whether I like it or not. It’s not just because I must keep them out of the “battlefield”, and it’s not because they need him, it’s more because they need to NOT romanticize him or his family.
I find it a bit selfish because I know I will never be ok with either one of my boys missing their daddy in a way that would make them put him on a pedestal and idealize him. He does not deserve that; God knows what he deserves. I will not help him make a hero out of himself.
As for my kids, I think it’s better for them on the long run to not have a pseudo big image of him or his family for that matter. They should learn to know, deal with, and accept them for who they are. I think that learning to do so early on will help them build character. If it makes them “grow up” sooner, then be it.
I was driving while all those hit me, I don’t remember why or how, but I remember that I saw the day when either of my kids would want to propose to the girls they would want to marry. I wish my dad long life and good health, but even then, they will need a father. I just hate to say that my father isn’t theirs; I wish he were, but he’s not. I don’t want them to have no memories at all when they have to ask their own father to be with them, I don’t want them to feel awkward approaching him. I think bad memories of him beat no memories at all this way.
So, now that I tried to explain what I had in my head, I can say it made sense that way to arrange for Mocha’s Birthday Party outdoor to leave my x no room of saying he couldn’t be there. I invited two of my friends and their families who can handle anything nasty he does on that day.
My dad said he was totally ok with it, except that he did not want to be in the same place with my x, so he excused him self and asked me to invite his best friend (my dad’s) instead to make sure there will be someone to look after us. I know where my dad comes from; he does not want to be there if my x or his family do anything provocative and leave him no other choice but to react.
So, I called his aunt, and in my most polite tone, I told her that all are invited to Mocha’s BD on Monday and that I will get back to her on the exact hour today. I asked her to bring the x’s little cousins (12 & 6 yrs) because it will be a kids’ party. Could I be any nicer?! Yes! To her, I should call my x and invite him. I told her I couldn’t because he had just sent me two annoying text messages earlier that day, and given that, I find it hard to interact with him at this point and that perhaps the whole birthday party would be a start of us learning how to deal.
The civil x of mine has been calling non stop since 9 am, waking me and mocha up and something about him calling over and over seemed violent, so I switched my phone to silent and dosed off for a while longer. I woke up to the most annoying text!! He’s practically telling me to “save my money”, that he will not show up since I should have invited him instead of sending the invitation through his aunt, and he said something about me having to explain the things I do to my kids one day, and that he's looking forward to that day.
Now, I know he’s a pig and that I should not expect from a pig to be anymore than itself, a nasty dirty manner-less pig. What keeps pissing me off is that he does it all while finding ways to blame it on me still!! Could he be anymore immature and irresponsible? Is there an English word equivalent to “اليل الأصل” that still keeps the essence, because that’s what he is.
I really hope what goes around, comes back around and bites him really really hard. Until then, I am making the Monday birthday anyway, my kids will have fun and so will everyone who shows up.