May 29, 2008

On “harm”

In addition to my yesterday drama, I had not so great news regarding my divorce case. It’s to be postponed till next week for us to prepare witnesses who would witness on the harm caused by my x. The divorce case is called “طلاق للضرر” and apparently I have to prove harm!!

Having to think of witnesses to show for such a statement –preferably men as per the judge’s words-, I couldn’t help but think of the people –men- who know about the “harm”. Not much!! The count of people who know about the dirt in my divorce is very much limited; some people know there are problems but they don’t know how messy it has become and that it’s currently at court!!!

I can always count the readers of my blog whom I think make a bigger number than those who know in my real life!! The guys I know whom I told are around five, the girls are around the same number, my uncle and two of my dad’s friends!! I should have thought of that when I was being “harmed”!

So just to have people learning from my “experience”… To all the women who read this, for future reference, if your husbands get abusive, farrago 3aleehom khal2o, and make sure there are enough males watching!!! You just never know!

Anyways, I am not so scared about it; I came up with a good list of witnesses that I will pass to my lawyer and hopefully the judge wouldn’t have more requests before he spits out the ruling! I am glad that I have friends praying for me day in and day out and I am glad that the next time I go by the end of June, I will not be alone; I will have someone standing by my side whom I can hide in his arms if I need to feel weak and cry, uncle G.

On a lighter note, I was transferring my kids to a new nursery today. As I filled the application for each of them this is what I wrote under “Is there anything else you think we need to know about your child?”…

Beem: He’s stubborn and he has a good memory, but he’s easily distracted. His father and I are currently separated until the divorce is final

Mocha: He’s very stubborn and fidgety and restless, and he hates being left alone even when asleep. His father and I are currently separated until the divorce is final

I needed to write that last line; I needed that fact acknowledged to whoever reads it!! And I think their teachers should not press so hard on things like “what does daddy do?” and “how do you spend your time with daddy?

That’s it for the day I guess! Oh, and I am going to art therapy today, again. I’ve been told I could use more of that!

10 comments:

Shimaa Gamal said...

You know, one of the things that scared one of my ex's was the fact eny I know too much about my rights. I know how law work, at least I know the headlines. I know eny mesh bas afarag 3alih khal2o la2 and prove el forga by a ma7dar fi el 2esm whenever possible.
I know en a7san 7aga is el wekaya khayron mn el 3elag. Eeven before the new 2aseema, I knew my righ to ammend clauses to my marriage contract.
As a Muslim and according to Islamic rules, el mo2menoon 3end shorotehem. And marriage contract is just another contract. Even sayedna Mohammed PBUH, sharat 3ala sayedna Ali enoh maytgawezsh 3ala settna Fatma. A woman can have the right to divorce herself, or zay ma bey2olo el 3essma, we di momken tekoon mashroota be mara wa7da or kaza mara, and because ma3lomat el bashar 3an el gawaz wel tala2 kolaha mn el aflam el masry elly mebawaza dema3' nas keteera fa la fi ragel fahem wala set 3arfa her rights.
I guess we should start something, ay 7aga to raise the awareness of females and tell them about the tiny details. My uncle once was shocked lama kont ba2ool el takyeef el kanoony wel sha3ry le 7alet tala2 and he said bas rabena maygbesh 7aga keda, 2olteloh we lw gab, lazem ab2a 3arfa rasy mn regly.

Good luck my dear, I will keep praying for you.

insomniac said...

WOW!!!!

3alemeeeny ya shimaa :))

hey, you should totally help me with the "D for Divorced" blog man!! i've been looking for material and my negative mood has not been helping!!

check it out and let me know!

rasha said...

Can I jump in and join? :D
I'm Into Law too but I'm more into how to " akhod 7a2y bdra3y fe a2sar wa2t" PEACEFULL tactics.

Insomnia, If i may ask, what do ur kids understand about their dad?
I'm sure they've asked - like mine did- How come he doesn't sleep with us anymore?!

The reason i'm asking this is that of the application u wrote stating that ur separated thinking they'd go easy on dad question...don't mean to bother u but hey, this is egypt where people talk loud infront of kids as if they don't exist and i won't be surprised if a teacher told another about their situation.

anyways, wish u all the best with the case, kids and the " D for Divorce" :)

Jade said...

Good on you girl for going to Art Therapy - I dont know what it is, but believe that any form of therapy is good.

It is important to write to your children's nursery that they dont live with their father... Nothing wrong with that & it's actually a sound decision to make... nothing to be ashamed of.

As for the witnesses, I would do if for you baby girl - I can dress as a man too if you want :p
Just let me know when... I'll try to make it
xxx
Good luck & keep praying darling.

insomniac said...

rasha,

please do join! i mean it... you can make an account and i can add you to the blog registry, or you can send me emails with whatever it is you would like to post and i would post it under your name...

the whole point of the blog is to keep women like us on the positive side of things and let them know they are not alone because they have enough negativity going on!!

ummm... mocha has no idea what a dad is!!! problems have been taking a violent turn since after he was born last may, and he would not know his own dad if he saw him!!

beem still recognises photos when he sees them, i once asked him "meen da" to test waters and he said "da baba"... but he doesn't miss him... he hasn't spend that much time around him to miss him if u know what i mean... he sort of considers "daddo" (my dad) his father and misses him madly when he goes away!!

actually, i am not worried about how ppl treat them at the nursery... they're professionals, and not all egyptians for that matter... i think my kids will be exposed to this sooner or later, don't u think?

seriosly rasha, ur officially invited to the D blog, email me!

insomniac said...

Joujou,

the art therapy is great! great doesn't say the least really.

i was not ashamed about writing that to the people in the nursery... and i really believed it was the right thing to do... i mean i was shocked when beem first said his full name because i know i never taught him that, and i worried about what else he might be asked about regarding his father!

i am worried about the whole session thing not because of the who and what they will say but more about the ruling... i want it to be over, remember me in ur prayers girl :)

*kisses*

rasha said...

Al7amdlelah they don't miss him.
mine were 4 and 6 when it happened and they were aware of the fact that he's no more around.

they understood he was away working and stuff but time mends everything and now thank god they ask casualy about him when a month or two would pass and he doesn't show up to call them or see them - totally his choice - i'll be more than happy to join...will mail u soon inshallah.

Inshallah the session will go well and the ruling will cut u loose.

hugs*

insomniac said...

alhamdulilah ur kids are dealing with his, i don't know "ignorance"... rabena ye7fazhom we yebarek feehom :)

thanks a lot for your wishes dear *hugging back*

will be waiting for your email :))

hurricane_x said...

Good to know it's going fine with the art therapy :)
I hope everything is gonna be ok, and u get ur divorce and freedom soon 2ensha2 Allah.
rabena yewafa2ek

insomniac said...

hurricane,

this is so very kind of you... men bo2ak le bab el sama...