April 13, 2008

What’s wrong?

I am sitting right there in my office, having troubles breathing!

Just like that! No apparent reason, nothing in particular is upsetting me… perhaps a thing or two, but not the kind of things that would make it hard to breathe!!

Panic attack?? Naaa, I don’t think I ever had one. I don’t count any of the times I cried so hard or felt so scared, I always had good reasons. I just seem to have none now; I feel so cold and lonely and I just want to cry.

No I am not missing my tooth; there is no such thing as postpartum blues as far as teeth are concerned!

No, he did not pull another stunt; as a matter of fact, I am thankful he reduced his attempts to call to twice or thrice a week, and counting…

Mocha is a little bit sick, but it is ok, it’s not like it’s his first time! And I know he’s being well taken care of at home.

I am not anticipating anything to happen to feel that worried and restless…

I am even strictly silencing all the mad ideas I’ve been getting lately about redecorating my room and buying more stuff; actually I know those ideas are my mind’s way of distracting itself from what’s disturbing me… But what is disturbing me?!!!

I think I am hitting the I-better-sulk-in-bed-and-pretend-to-be-asleep phase, only there will be no sulking in bed or pretending to be asleep since I have “responsibilities” :-/


Ma 3lina said...

sulk in the bed phase !!!

know it.. been there myself

but unfortunately it increase the state u r in now not very helpful though

still it give u the privacy without ppl wondering what's wrong what's up all these endless q

Dont try to rationalize stuff just focus on th good things that is going now on ur life

Take care :))

Eventuality said...

Maybe your subconcious is still processing something that is upsetting you and you haven't acknowledged it yet. Just try to relax and keep yourself busy. Deeeeep breaths.

insomniac said...

ma 3alina, i am not rationalizing, i am just poking my brains out :)

eventuality, you're right, i finally figured it out... trying to write it out of my head to find some peace... thanks dear :)

haijekov said...

I agree with both of ma3alina and eventuality...
salking in bed is so not like you ... and shouldn't be, it's even against everything u advised me!


insomniac said...

i just drained my energy in a long post; i don't have any left to redecorate... i'll sulk for the rest of the day...