Random, yet Funny Crap!

Disclaimer: Sorry if this sounds like my usual whining, but I assure you, it’s not! I actually find it funny!! Try to see the humor. If you can’t, please don’t tell me to cheer up; I am actually smiling :)


3 days ago, at my dentist’s (I had already gone 2 days before that and my baby sis and mocha were with me, long story)

Dr. M: *with a cute smile on his face* your son, looks exactly like your husband… carbon copy!! (Despite what that man says, I love the smile on his face as he says it; something about smiling old people captivates me)
Me: *with a bigger smile and a joking tone* Noooooo, he looks like me
Dr. M: ezzay ba2a, da kollo X
Me: no no, tab 2olly, shabahoh fe eh??
Dr. M: he has his eyes!!
Me: no way, these are my eyes… X’s eyes aren’t that pretty *both blushing and smiling* (yes, I say the weirdest things that can cause me to blush!!)
Dr. M: you might have pretty eyes, but I think you’re blind for not seeing how much he looks like his dad… and I think both of you are idiots for letting all this happen, but hey don’t mind me, I am an old fool who thinks the old way!
Me: you really are one of the few people I like whatever they say, despite how much I might disagree, so say whatever you want ya Dr. (I know I sound totally habla, but I did mention smiling old people just have that effect on me… I have grandfather issues; he was a grumpy old man incapable of showing love!!)
Dr. M: tab will you let X see them??
Me: if he wants to see them, el beet beeto, he’s most welcomed, they will always be his kids (I don’t even buy it when I say crap like that, but I would suck it up if he actually decides to come over)
Dr. M: he doesn’t want to confront your parents, they might say one thing or another… you know it gets awkward that way
Me: if he had told you that, you can tell him my parents wouldn’t want to meet him, they won’t!! Would you meet someone who repeatedly humiliated your daughter?? I think not!! But because you have ethics, you would allow him to see your grandkids because he happens to be their father… so there…
Dr. M: *pinching my nose, right before drilling into my poor tooth* you’re a stubborn stubborn girl; I can only imagine how hard it is being married to you


Yesterday, I’m home, online, chatting, he calls!! I answer because I know my dentists probably talked to him, and well, if he wants to see the kids, why not!! I really really try to be the bigger person when it comes to the kids, although I have to say, I think he should have nothing to do with them! This is why it takes me 3 attempts from him until I end up answering!

Him: alo
Me: mmm?? (This is how I show my discontentment with him calling)
Him: *his annoying sarcastic tone* walahy kowayes ennek betrody!
Me: hat2ool 3ayez eh wala ne2fel a7san?
Him: ana bakalemek 3ashan 2a2olek eny mesafer in two days
Me: ok
Him: mesh 3ayza te2oleely 7aga??
Me: if you’re expecting me to wish you the best, I think you’re really pushing it, the best you should hope for is eny mad3eesh 3aleik… don’t worry, ana khalas saybak le rabena
Him: *his hurt voice* shukran
Me: *my bored tone* el 3afw
Him: by the way, I won’t be going to Iraq like I told you before
Me: whatever! It doesn’t matter
Him: I’m going to Afganistan
Me: *sarcastic laugh* hehe2, (I really tried not to laugh so hard, but man I kept laughing after I hung up!!)
Him: law garaly 7aga, eb2y khally balek men el 3eyal (ya bat3a, hehe… baba tells me it’s a quote from Madraset el Moshaghbeen, I didn’t even know that and I felt like saying bat3a when he finished his sentence)
Me: tab eh el gedeed, 7assalak 7aga, ma7asalaksh 7aga, ana bakhaly baly menhom!!
Him: mesh hatsebeeny ashofhom abl ma safer?
Me: hattala2ny abl matsafer?
Him: la2
Me: teb2a matestahelsh aghayar ra2y we anazelhom yeshofook, 3ayez teshofhom ta3ala!
Him: ma2darsh atala2ek
Me: leh in sha2 Allah?
Him: I just can’t let go that way, we Kaman mesh yemken te32aly
Me: and now you’re suggesting that I’m crazy!
Him: ya3ne enty shayfa en elly bete3meleeh da 3a2l!
Me: ok, bye now, I can’t deal with you that way
Him: gara eh ya weleya?
Me: meen weleya de, matetkalem 3edel
Him: bahazzar ma3aki
Me: you don’t get to tehazar ma3aya
Him: you’re still my wife, I get to do what I want
Me: (we ba3deen ba2aaa) no, I am not your wife, if people apply religion right, including you or anyone concerned, I would have been divorced for almost a year now!! And I already filed a divorce case, so as far as I am concerned I am almost divorced; all I need is a piece of paper! So no, I am not your wife, you have no rights, if we didn’t share kids, there would have been no reason for me to take your call!!
Him: khalas khalas, hakalemek ba3deen
Me: mafeesh ba3deen, I am switching off my cell


Today at work, 10 missed calls so far, and counting… I’m taking bets people, how many missed calls will I have by the end of the working day?