April 6, 2008

Borderline Madness

I am too confused and I can’t seem to hold one thought long enough to reflect on it; I need them all out of my head, I need thinking space… ETLA3O BARRA


- I feel like I have TOO MUCH energy these days, I know I am definitely burning out soon! It won’t be pretty, especially if it comes along with bad news… I just hope my mom won’t be starting her own campaign of “how to teach insomniac a new lesson about responsibility” then because I plan to SLEEEEEP off the burning-out phase in order to avoid worse consequences!

- My palms are sweating LIKE HELL! *Major EWWWWW*… my allergy doctor once prescribed that medication which you apply on your hands and it has that dehydrating effect, I would ask whoever is coming to Egypt to bring me some, only I have been hearing horrors about how people get skin cancer when they mess with their sweat glands, so I am being thankful its just my hands… my sister tells me it’s anxiety related, duuuhhhh!!

- I have an appointment at the Family Affairs Court in a couple of hours; why do I still get nervous about that even when I know it’s routine procedure? Yeah yeah I worry, but this is not about worrying; it’s more like I am reminded of my unfavorable status I guess. If it gets too disappointing, I am dropping by the guys at my previous job; they make me feel like something about the past few years was worth its while… and my kids of course :)

- Awww, Beem kept laughing and giggling in his sleep yesterday; I kept kissing him and he held on to me; moments like these make me feel all motherly and stuff! Mocha on the other hand was having too much fun sitting on his sleeping brother’s head and laughing his heart out when I pull him away, the little devil! They both ruined the few hours I slept by kicking me and one another… how on earth do they get jealous of each other during sleep?! Two words, separate beds... soon isA

- After dropping Beem at the nursery I realized that I lost my access card which was clipped to my pants, so I stepped out of the car and kept looking underneath the chair then drove back home to see if it had fallen where the car was parked as I was getting Beem beeh to fasten his seatbelt… no luck, so now I have to call the security company and ask how to deactivate that card and set a new one for myself…

- When did clothes get that freakin’ expensive in Egypt?? I mean those that are of quality that can be compared to non-Egyptian made! It hit me real hard as I was shopping for maternity wear with my friend; I was telling her the stuff looked as good as online catalogues, and then checking the prices I was like “but that’s for more than double the online prices!”… I didn’t say it out loud though, no need to make her feel she’s being ripped off.

- And now he is calling non-stop, WHYYYYY? Did I mention he called the other day saying he got a job offer in Iraq (he loves drama) and he was like “mesh 3ayza menny 7aga abl masafer”, and when I said “enta 3aref ana 3ayza eh”… and there it was “ok, yalla neroo7 lel ma2zoon”, now I was on my way to my cousin’s engagement, and I didn’t trust him enough to meet up before going, so I said I would get back to my dad… My dad had a good point, he does not need me to go to el ma2zoon, he can do that on his own, right on baba!

- So now I just answered him, just to not mess with the slim opportunity that he might actually let me go; he’s like “go get Beem from the nursery, there’s a strike and it’s dangerous for him to be out!”… Father-of-the-Year Award here people!! Again, I kept my sarcasm to myself; I really don’t wanna mess the chance of him actually meaning the whole divorce thing… H tells me it’s a huge ba3ta from his side, deep down I know she’s probably right; what can I say, I am a freakin’ optimist to an unhealthy extreme!

- So now that he brought to my attention the whole strike thing, I am more concerned about whether I shall drive to Down Town or take the underground. I really don’t wanna be poked and groped on this particular day thank you very much. I think I would bark my voice off if that happens; and given that I am too emotional lately I could also collapse on the sidewalk and burst into tears! So I am taking my chances with my car… something tells me I will so regret this.

- Why are they keeping me in charge of the Petty Cash?!!! WHY? I am bad with numbers, I am even worse with money, why does the accountant dude feel that much victory every time he senses my confusion as I try sorting out the receipts… I know, I know, I am a priceless piece of entertainment for people who work with numbers… this is why I hate stepping into banks.

Too many thoughts… TOO MANY THOUGHTS, my head literally hurts. And given my messed up sleeping pattern, I am living on double shots of Turkish coffee and Panadol Extra (God bless Glaxo, I think it’s Glaxo, no? I am too lazy to get the tablets from my purse to check—not so much energy after all I suppose!)

14 comments:

Ma 3lina said...

Indeed it's GSK :))

Writing your thoughts down is a very healthy way not only u arrange everything inside ur mind but also, u keep record of every thought coz one day they will be forgotten and u will have to extract them.

As for ur palms, u will wait for some medication from outside egypt??
why we nearly huv the same drugs !!


loooool @ Father-of-the-Year Award here people

u know i m really thinking of making blog for my own thoughts coz lately my mind is really swollen from what's inside lol .. we will see about that

how is ur toothache ??

insomniac said...

i knew it was GSK :) 2 years of working in trademarks did not just go to waste... and i am a loyal panadol customer, again, God bless GSK, the guys in the UK tho, the american GSK are plain rude!

well, back when that medication was first prescribed to me, i got it from KSA or the states... anyway, i already feel like a freak with those palms, mesh hamshy kaman be dawa :)

ya benty u already have too blogs, tala3y ur thoughts fe either one, wa7ed talet leeh :))

my tooth is mesh wakhed balo these days, god bless that anesthetic spray, YA RAB afteker akalem el doctoor bokra, thanks for asking sweetie :)

Will E. said...

I'm working on getting your therapy.. too many thoughts indeed.. don't go for a meltdown just yet please!

insomniac said...

u better be serious about my therapy will, i already bought coloring crayons and stuff, i even tried drawing, i have a couple of pages in my agenda full of tulip and Lilly sketches and clouds and rain... that's pretty much all i could draw!!

ya tel7a2ny abl el meltdown ya matel7a2neesh

Wawa said...

Hey,

I cant remember the last time I read your blog, but I'm sure it was a long time ago, about a year i guess, if not more, I also used to blog myself, but somehow I lost my blogging voice, too many misfortunes have been going on in my life, and I became sick of waiting for that miracle to happen, so I decided to stop, I mean what's the use aslan? I guess depression took over my life a long time ago.
Anyhow I'm not here to talk about me, so I'll get to my point before u get impatient. It seems that a lot has been happening in your life since I last read your blog, As I remember, last time I was here u were a happilly married wife (or so it seemed)U had a son and everthing seemed to be just fine. So I dont knwo what made me decide to read your blog again, but I have to tell u that I felt so sad deep inside of me, I felt so sorry for u, as if u were my best friend, my sister, I dont know why! I found myself going through all your old postings hoping to find out what happened and what caused this, I went crazy I have to tell u, I felt so much in your shoes I dont know why, Although I'm not experiencing any problems of the same kind. I know that u must be over it now, or I hope so, but I just wanted to tell u this: I'm realy sorry for what has happened, and I wish u all the best in life.

"wa 3assa an takraho shay2an wa howa 7'ayron lakom..." sadak Allah al3azeem.

insomniac said...

oh my lord!!!

i remember you :) i remember your blog, its template and it's name... i think i even remember your son's name and how hard it was for you to figure out a nickname for him, i have a freaky memory :))

oh my God, it's very strange!!

i am really really touched by your words honey, this is so sweet of you to take the time to browse through older posts!

yeah i seemed happily married back then, i was trying so hard back then :) i think i shouldn't have, but it had already happened. anyway, i am ok alhamdulilah, i am in peace with all that's been and life isn't that bad, sometimes it's even better than back then! alhamdulilah :)

i really hope you're ok and everything in your life is just fine... Rabena maygeeb depression bas :) don't mind me, but i think u should blog ur depression out; it seems to work for a lot of people :)

if you feel like emailing me, you're most welcomed, my email is linked here... and well, i wish you all the best WAWA :)

Jade said...

Take.a.Deep.Breath

insomniac said...

that was me breathing my thoughts out hun :)

thanks tho ;)

Wawa said...

SO U REMEBER ME!!!! I can relate I have a freaky memory too. I'll think about going back to blogging but I cant promise you anything.
By the way I'll be more than happy to e-mail u but the thing is I cant find your e-mail! (stupid me)

insomniac said...

it's myoblivia@gmail.com :)

Anonymous said...

As I moved along your post I was pretty certain I'm gonna type "get a punch bag!" as a comment..but that last line ruined it for me!

so whats with the coloring stuff? not working?

I don't think you need thinking space..you're already thinking way too much!
you do need people to leave you alone though.

& for what its worth not so many people are good with numbers, me included.

insomniac said...

i punch the pillow a lot! but it doesn't help, it only exhausts me!

so the whole coloring was me preparing for the art therapy because i didn't want o be asked to draw and have nothing on my mind... and no, i still haven't gone yet.... sooon isA :)

i need thinking space because i think too much... but ur right about people leaving me alone :))

which anon. r u?? pick initials or something to help me recognize u :)

and thanks for the nos. thing, it made me feel better about my 'handicap' :)

Anonymous said...

what? you have more than one anon on here?!!

ahem..no initials for me.
just anon

:)

insomniac said...

is that u, "nicely-crazy anon"?

there is anonymous R and there is anonymous mahmoud/mahmood...

i am not sure if there is more... i try to keep track, i think i'm doing fine by far :)