Borderline Madness

I am too confused and I can’t seem to hold one thought long enough to reflect on it; I need them all out of my head, I need thinking space… ETLA3O BARRA


- I feel like I have TOO MUCH energy these days, I know I am definitely burning out soon! It won’t be pretty, especially if it comes along with bad news… I just hope my mom won’t be starting her own campaign of “how to teach insomniac a new lesson about responsibility” then because I plan to SLEEEEEP off the burning-out phase in order to avoid worse consequences!

- My palms are sweating LIKE HELL! *Major EWWWWW*… my allergy doctor once prescribed that medication which you apply on your hands and it has that dehydrating effect, I would ask whoever is coming to Egypt to bring me some, only I have been hearing horrors about how people get skin cancer when they mess with their sweat glands, so I am being thankful its just my hands… my sister tells me it’s anxiety related, duuuhhhh!!

- I have an appointment at the Family Affairs Court in a couple of hours; why do I still get nervous about that even when I know it’s routine procedure? Yeah yeah I worry, but this is not about worrying; it’s more like I am reminded of my unfavorable status I guess. If it gets too disappointing, I am dropping by the guys at my previous job; they make me feel like something about the past few years was worth its while… and my kids of course :)

- Awww, Beem kept laughing and giggling in his sleep yesterday; I kept kissing him and he held on to me; moments like these make me feel all motherly and stuff! Mocha on the other hand was having too much fun sitting on his sleeping brother’s head and laughing his heart out when I pull him away, the little devil! They both ruined the few hours I slept by kicking me and one another… how on earth do they get jealous of each other during sleep?! Two words, separate beds... soon isA

- After dropping Beem at the nursery I realized that I lost my access card which was clipped to my pants, so I stepped out of the car and kept looking underneath the chair then drove back home to see if it had fallen where the car was parked as I was getting Beem beeh to fasten his seatbelt… no luck, so now I have to call the security company and ask how to deactivate that card and set a new one for myself…

- When did clothes get that freakin’ expensive in Egypt?? I mean those that are of quality that can be compared to non-Egyptian made! It hit me real hard as I was shopping for maternity wear with my friend; I was telling her the stuff looked as good as online catalogues, and then checking the prices I was like “but that’s for more than double the online prices!”… I didn’t say it out loud though, no need to make her feel she’s being ripped off.

- And now he is calling non-stop, WHYYYYY? Did I mention he called the other day saying he got a job offer in Iraq (he loves drama) and he was like “mesh 3ayza menny 7aga abl masafer”, and when I said “enta 3aref ana 3ayza eh”… and there it was “ok, yalla neroo7 lel ma2zoon”, now I was on my way to my cousin’s engagement, and I didn’t trust him enough to meet up before going, so I said I would get back to my dad… My dad had a good point, he does not need me to go to el ma2zoon, he can do that on his own, right on baba!

- So now I just answered him, just to not mess with the slim opportunity that he might actually let me go; he’s like “go get Beem from the nursery, there’s a strike and it’s dangerous for him to be out!”… Father-of-the-Year Award here people!! Again, I kept my sarcasm to myself; I really don’t wanna mess the chance of him actually meaning the whole divorce thing… H tells me it’s a huge ba3ta from his side, deep down I know she’s probably right; what can I say, I am a freakin’ optimist to an unhealthy extreme!

- So now that he brought to my attention the whole strike thing, I am more concerned about whether I shall drive to Down Town or take the underground. I really don’t wanna be poked and groped on this particular day thank you very much. I think I would bark my voice off if that happens; and given that I am too emotional lately I could also collapse on the sidewalk and burst into tears! So I am taking my chances with my car… something tells me I will so regret this.

- Why are they keeping me in charge of the Petty Cash?!!! WHY? I am bad with numbers, I am even worse with money, why does the accountant dude feel that much victory every time he senses my confusion as I try sorting out the receipts… I know, I know, I am a priceless piece of entertainment for people who work with numbers… this is why I hate stepping into banks.

Too many thoughts… TOO MANY THOUGHTS, my head literally hurts. And given my messed up sleeping pattern, I am living on double shots of Turkish coffee and Panadol Extra (God bless Glaxo, I think it’s Glaxo, no? I am too lazy to get the tablets from my purse to check—not so much energy after all I suppose!)