March 30, 2008

Before a damp blanket is put on this one…

I think I get more ideas than the average person; and I don’t mean I am better than the average person at all. I just feel that my mind never rests and is always in quest of coming up with new stuff, most of which are useless and unimportant really, hence most of which are immediately discarded before I am even aware of them. it could be a Gemini thing, it could be a crazy thing, it could be a ME thing; all I am saying is that I get too many ideas for my brain to process, and if we add my short attention span to the equation, it leaves us to the conclusion that… ok I lost that thought!

Oddly enough, I have been having this certain idea for quite some time. And by quite some time I mean long enough for it to register as more than just a random idea! I actually gave it more than a couple of hours of thinking! I know it may not be the most brilliant idea, but something in me thinks it has potential. Therefore, I am putting it out there for a couple reasons; 1) I want it to be here staring me in the face to make sure I don’t lose interest like I always do, and 2) to leave it for whoever can take it to the next level; however, please let me in on it… it’s not copyrighted or anything, but I would really want to have a part and put my heart into it.

So here it goes in a short direct sentence, followed by explanations of how it came up and how I want it to be; boy, this WILL BE LONG:

I am thinking of starting a support group for divorced women or those who are still in the long spirit killing process of it.

There I said it!!

Now I will try to say more about the whole thing; however, to avoid losing my track of thought, I will put them out there in point… this is what I do when I am confused!!

Here are my disclaimers though, which are very important to the essence of the whole support group idea and its purpose:

  • - This is NOT another Layla move, and by no chance is a feminist move or affiliated by feminism,
  • - This is NOT a pro-divorce move; I still believe a married couple should try to work things out as long as they both have it in them. I know it’s relative, but I would like to know that people do understand what I mean here, and
  • - This is NOT a man-hating thing; I do not hate men, I do not think all men are cheating bastards and I do not by any chance believe that all men are the same.

I hope we’re clear because I will not be happy about getting any comments that implies any of the above stated points. That sounded too formal!! Yikes!!

This is how it started:

  • - Nile Girl once brought it up on her comment page when I said something about us divorced women; I don’t remember the exact dialogue, but I think this is how the idea seeped into my mind, only I never acknowledged it much then! Which reminds me, where the hell r u NG????!!! email me!!
  • - When my friend H introduced me to a work colleague of hers to give me lawyer’s contacts; knowing her story, I was shaken with disbelief that such horrors do happen!
  • - Something my father said about how he worries about me being a divorcee because here in Egypt the only support I would get would be through him and people who know me quite well to not misjudge me, and that there will come a time when it will feel like everyone even those who know me are avoiding me, and how it is different in the west because the society has systems that provide more understanding and support through different channels.
  • - Again, when H’s colleague invited me and my kids to her daughter’s first birthday despite that she had never even met me; I was touched that she wanted to get to know me just because we have similar problems, and I wanted to go to give her the same support I would need.
  • - I have been whining long enough about how I am tired of keeping it to myself, the whole divorce proceeding, and pretending to immediate family and social circle that I am “happily married”… I have been whining about how the long legal proceedings are taking their toll on me and how things should be different, yet I have not even tried doing something about it, perhaps it’s time to demand a change in a more constructive way.

Now I am not the most relentless person; as a matter of fact, I tend to lose interest as fast as an infant… but here is what I am; I am passionate and I am willing to put my heart into whatever I believe in.

I know it sounds contradicting, but that’s who I am. However, I think that having been in this drama I am still in, it would make me more willing to do something about it.

Here was my trigger:

Yesterday, I had to tell my 17 year old cousin, whom I used to baby sit that I am getting a divorce so that next time my soon to be x contacts him, he would not answer. Feeling how the words refused to come out of my mouth, and actually not knowing what the right words were, made me realize that it won’t be easy once I start telling more people in my social circle. This kinda ruined my weekend and made me go back to my unhappy place.

And it shouldn’t be hard; it is not a crime, it simply isn’t! I shouldn’t feel ashamed about deciding to end a marriage that was nothing but mental and emotional abuse, and no woman should. No woman should worry about how people will perceive her, and no woman should be subjected to humiliating phrases like the ones people in our society use whenever a divorcee is mentioned.

It is sad how people in our society have their own agenda about things they do not even understand, and I think it’s sadder that I have not taken the time to think about any of that until after being in such a situation myself. However, here I am trying to make the best out of it.

So, I haven’t really taken the time to think about the structure of that support group. I mean it could end up right here by me saying that things should be different…

Or a blog can be started only addressing that topic, but then I would worry about the whole gossiping, and I really do not like gossip that much, just the healthy dose that keeps me a female…

Or even a facebook group, which is not what I would want really since anonymity is highly appreciated for most people, at least at that stage…

I know for sure it won’t be any thing more than that for the time being, simply because I am not a planner and of course I only took so little time about the whole thing. No, an NGO is not what a person like me would have in mind…

Oh, and before anyone says it… if there is ever a blog or a facebook group, the name Oreedo 7allan so comes to mind making the whole idea sound obnoxious and appalling, so suggestions people!!! I think I just killed a few jokes there ;)


Will E. said...

I like this idea a lot, I think you should go for it.. should call the group, 'I'm divorced but I'm socially dead'

or something :)

Will E. said...

sorry.. I meant.. I'm divorced but I'm not socially dead..

..freudian slip perhaps? :)

insomniac said...

Triple thanks Will E...

for the encouragement, the suggestion, and proving my point :D

haijekov said...

The idea is really great ... more than great action. I think you should even consider publishing some things that tackle the subject ...
despite being a guy in this country i'm disgusted by the predisposed idea that divorced women have something wrong with them ... and i won't go on describing how we guys tend to be #$%&#s at times (7efz el ego mohemm bardo :))

keep up the spirit for it and DONT lose interest

insomniac said...

OOHHH, r u suggesting my writing is good enough that i start tackling issues!! THANKS :)

however, this is MY oblivia, my very own crap :)))

and don't worry about the general male ego... it's well preserved as long as there are good guys out there :))

thanks :)

haijekov said...

i meant even besides your blog (which is a great example btw) ... i believe there should be some serious publications targeting those misconceptions and trying to change them ... being them stories, diaries or any form of literature ... fahma assdy ... sometimes this is the only things that gets the idea to the average sheep in the herd of society if u know what i mean

Will E. said...

Well, I can contribute to writing something if need be, if such a thing will take form.

insomniac said...

haijekov, i do know what you mean... which makes me wonder about the form of this group... wasn't ready for that much thinking at the moment :))

will, it would be an honor to have one of my fav writers in the blog sphere participating... will definitely let you know :) thanks.

Anonymous said...

I totally know what you mean about having too many ideas whirling around in your head. I have a tendency to blurt them out to people, who then think that it's a plan rather than just a thought and get disturbed by also happens that I'm Gemini too :)

As to the idea...I think it's excellent. Perhaps you can start off as a blog or a web forum and then as the idea takes off you can upgrade to having your own website.

I secong should publish something and certainly do the writing for the project. As excellent a writer as Will is I do think this kind of topic is better tackeled by someone directly affected and who's been through it. Although my parents went through a hideous divorce I don't feel that I have enough insight into the masses of conflicting emotions that afflict people like yourself.

insomniac said...

well arima, chances are it's a gemini thing then, hehe... and yah, i don't know why ppl freak out and mistake what i have to say for plans!!

i am not sure yet where to go from here... my writing isn't that reliable because it depends on my mood... i was hoping i'd find more people who would have similar experience to join in or something....

Shimaa Gamal said...

The best thing you did is posting this idea so that it won't rest in peace with the rest of her late sisters :)
It is really great idea, I hope you will get an idea for implementing it soon.

insomniac said...

Thanks Shimaa :)

Asser said...

I really like this idea. I think there's an innate need for consensus in all of us, and this is probably why most divorced women in Egypt worry about society so much, because they don't have a wide-enough circle of people that endorses and supports their choices.

Oreedo 7allan was such an obvious choice, now you're making life harder.
To quote a semi-wise man, the only way to counter hate, is MORE hate.
In that spirit, how about :
"I'm divorced, IN YOUR FACE!!!!"

insomniac said...

Thank you Asser for the wise words...

and.. LOL... this sounds a lot like me when i am grumpy!!

well, i have some libra affiliations lel asaf, so i am going for a more subtle title... but hey, i will use it if people start getting on my nerves :D

haijekov said...

if u and arima are refering to me in the freak out part ... i'm not freaking out or making it into a plan ...
i'm actually very excited by how great it is that i wanna make u turn it into a plan :D

cheers :)

insomniac said...

no no no haijekov, i don't think arima was talking about u!

i know i wasn;t talking about you... i was talking about people's general reactions to my kookoo ideas!

i think that's what arima meant too

planning is not my thing dude, i come with stuff and i may follow or not follow them through :)

Ma 3lina said...

I think it's a marvelous idea but i want u to organize ur thoughts more

1st the location: blog, face book or public grp which i think is the best one coz care support and sharing are best interpretated in Live.. got me ?!!

2nd ur gonna work into many levels ( period before divorce and the ppl who already divorced)

for those who r divorced already ( how to deal wiz pain nd suffer other issues with themselves and also how to face the world)

3rd most imp how to deal wiz their own kids and make sure that this doesnot affect them by a very harmful way..

mmm dah el in my mind now

Hope ur idea tetle3 lel noor :))

insomniac said...

ma 3alina,

ur so organized!! oh, ur virgo, that's why :)

following ur lead...

1st, ur right about direct and live interaction; however, i do not think it is the best at this point... i mean i am one of the people who appreciate anonymity for now...

2nd, what came to mind was people who are in the midst of divorce procedures, and those who have already crossed to the other side... i am not sure it's a great idea to interfere with women who haven't decided yet

3rd, well, i am not an expert on how to handle and deal with kids... it would be more like brain storming, but my advice usually betwaddy fe dahya :)))

man! i didn't know there was that much to think about... this is overwhelming!!