Is my dad testing me?? I mean does he still not know where I stand?? What the hell is he thinking telling me to consider the possibility of returning to him????
I mean mom, well, her words mean nothing, she can say all about how he had his good moments of how I can be intolerable, but my dad!!! I am disappointed, big time.
No. It’s a very simple word and I plan to stick to it; no one can make me go back if all I say is NO. I am no longer listing the reasons and I am no longer even selling the case or trying to prove that my kids are better off being with me on my own than with him.
I am so tired of saying it over and over because no matter how much I do, no one really knows that I know I did my best and that I did try to make it work until I no longer could. If it didn’t work then, there is no chance in hell it would work when I don’t want it to.
Trying to guilt me into my kids’ best interest won’t work; I will not let it work. I am allowing myself to be selfish on this one; my kids’ best interest is in my happiness and in my peace, which are no where near him.
So stop telling me I am not that great a mother; I already know, and I am trying to be better. And don’t you dare tell me I can’t do it alone; because I know that if I can’t do it alone, I won’t do it with him anyway.
And by the way, telling me that you know how unhappy I am; having to live here, you have no idea. Having to return to this home, and in this way has been a nightmare I tried to avoid for so long until I realized I there’s much worse, him. If you think I like the invasion of privacy, mama’s continuous insults, feeling like a burden every other day, think again!! I am just more willing to take it all over being around him, at any given day. Because as obnoxious as everyone here gets to be from time to time, and as hurt as I can get because of insensitive words said in moments of anger, it’s much less abuse than what I have been subjected to with him.
So, just to be clear; NO, and I am not going back because this is what I owe myself after all that’s been said and done.
My kids, they will have to live by what’s best for me until they can decide for themselves. I am not denying them a father; he can be there for them if he can handle it, but he is no longer invited to be there for me no matter how he might want to. And spare me; it’s not because I am hurt or sore, it’s not because I am being emotional. It’s for all the logical reasons; he’s not to be trusted or respected.
I have moved on, so why can’t everyone????!!!