March 5, 2008

On Signs

Do you believe in signs; as in things that happen along the way that help put you on your right path, or the other for that matter?

I think I believe in them! Yes, I think; I always use the word ‘think’ to neutralize anything I am about to say; it’s a Gemini thing I guess!

Back to signs, I am all for the notion “everything happens of a reason”; nonetheless, I continue to miserably fail in figuring out the right reason at the right time!

So when things are going rather smooth and easy, is it “because it is meant to be”? or “it is blessed”? or is it “the calm before the storm”??

And when things are hard and complicated, is it “because it is not meant to be”? or “it is jinxed”? or is it “it’s a test to see how badly we want it and to see what we’re truly made of”? or “nothing really comes easy in life”?

While I am at it… which one is it?? Should we fight for what we want and what we believe?? Or should we let it go and if it is meant to be it will happen anyway; if it’s ours, nothing will change that??

My problem is not about believing in signs I guess; it’s interpreting them that I find very tricky. I am in peace with my destiny; I know that all that had happened somehow happened for a reason. I kinda figured some of the reasons, only rather late! I saw the signs early on, I just misinterpreted them.

I learned a lot along the way; I learned how to control my temper, how to stop myself from blurting the wrong things when I am angry, I learned to think of consequences, I learned to put myself in the other person’s shoes, I learned to take it easy with the worrying and the obsessing, I learned that I am incapable of inflicting harm, I learned to have more faith, I learned to have a little patience, I learned to let go and not look behind, I even learned to stop asking ‘why’ when knowing is useless!

I haven’t however learnt one thing, or two; I haven’t learned how to totally trust my instincts without thinking I could be wrong and that things could be the other way around; and hence, I haven’t learned how to interpret any signs.

So now, signs just keep on haunting me instead of giving me peace and reassurance!! What a mess? And just when I thought I knew how things would go!

Nonetheless, I can’t stop smiling... for that i am eternally grateful :) I just keep forgetting to breathe.


Xero said...

the problem with signs is that you never know it's true meaning until it's too late.
we usually get it backwards .. when something happenes we know that long ago something else happened that was a warning from this one ,but we didn't understand .
simply because we didn't think the later was a possible "this stuff just doesn't happen to me " kinda thing.

but after all that ,i do not believe in signs .
i prefer to deal with every situation independently and figure out the best outcome .
sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't , but hey .. shit happens whether we expected it or not

insomniac said...

well, given everything i have been thru, i am totally over the "this stuff doesn't happen to me" notion :)

and i know what u mean, sometimes i just overlook incidents because they don't seem a big deal, then later on, another thing happens and i find my mind connecting the dots and thinking to myself "aaaaaaaaaaah" or "$hit!"

ur strategy seems good enough, only it's hard to apply when other people around you have interrelated plans

Xero said...

"this shit doesn't happen to me" ..
i was more talking about myself actually :)

i was referring to natural signs about things that might happen ,not a human plot
also the outcome is not that different .
you never suspect anyone unless there is a good reason to .and if you love that person it gets even harder .
you won't suspect him whatever he do and you'll find a reasonable explanation for every little thing he does and the ones couldn't explain ,u'll just choose to ignore it and let it go.
this case requires external interference like some friend or anybody start warning you ,even with simple words like :just take care ok .
then you start suspecting and all the things come clear .

and the more you trust this person the more you come to hate him after you discover the truth .

OMG i'm saying a lot of big big lately ... this stuff is bad for my mental health :P

insomniac said...

yeah well, i knew u were talking about yourself, but a lot of people can relate :)

what u said after that was not what i had in mind writing the post; at least not all of it... but somehow u described my years of marriage.. hehe, kalam kebeer begad :)

khaf 3ala nafsak ba2a :)

Gun Barrel Kalashnikov said...

Everything happens for a reason, I guess that is quite true. I for one pretty much believe in signs, and I believe that nothing in this life occurs in a haphazard manner. Every event in our lives lead us down a road that we should choose to walk down or we shouldn't, it is totally our decision, the signs do help us make these decisions, or so I believe.

You think you believe in them (as in signs), so do you or don't you? I mean thinking or something, knowing is something else, and thinking does not totally conform with believing I guess, I mean maybe it does in some partial manner but not in the full scheme of things.

It depends, I mean the whole fighting for what we believe versus letting it happen if it is meant to be, leaving it to come to us if it is ours. I mean if you really believe in something so bad, if you really want it, you will always find yourself inclined to fight for it, because you know that nothing comes easy, because you know that you have to work hard in order to end up having it, you have to do some effort to make it happen for you.

On the other end of this continuum there are things that shine, things that you remotely believe you should have or you want, things that you might like but not enough to really fight for and that is when you automatically let it god, and "if it is meant to be", you think, "it shall happen for me."

Interpreting signs, that is a hard one really, I mean I hate to tell you this but it is an art you never master, but at least you get a great chance and a great probability of getting the signs right and interpreting them to see what they represent if you only look at all the angles, if you free yourself of bias towards wanting something or not wanting it, free yourself of your fears.

I have gotten used to accept that when things are hard or easy they are what they are because they have to be what they are, besides I am a believer that the higher the risks and the greater the difficulty, the greater the return.

"I haven’t however learnt one thing, or two; I haven’t learned how to totally trust my instincts without thinking I could be wrong and that things could be the other way around; and hence, I haven’t learned how to interpret any signs."

Too much for saying a few lines before it that you learnt to take it easy with worrying and obsessing. :P

"So now, signs just keep on haunting me instead of giving me peace and reassurance!! What a mess? And just when I thought I knew how things would go!"

Again so much for saying that you have learnt to take it easy with worries and obsessions, you are doing it right there dude... :P

I hope though that you find your peace and reassurance and I am glad you are smiling... You deserve a lot of good and ISA you will have it in your life...

Too long a comment... I was thinking I will just post about it when I found it was this long but I am too lazy to write a neat post and go to my dashboard and you know the rest of the drill... So I am posting this one here... :P Sue Me...

And dude, breathe, you don't wanna forget that...

insomniac said...

and the longest-comment award goes to GBK people!

i do believe in signs... i just prefer replacing 'do' with 'think'; it helps me get the words out, hence the " I always use the word ‘think’ to neutralize anything I am about to say" part :)...

i think you're right about the part where you said thinking is believing in a partial manner, i like to have a back-door where i can get to change my mind... again, gemini thing :))

as for the whole fighting or letting go, it is always why we try to interpret the signs: to decide whether we should fight, or let go! in this process we rationalize the interpretations of the signs, we tailor them to justify what we really want to do... so if it's something we REALLY want we say "the hardships are for us to well earn it, etc"... if it's something we know we like, but not enough to fight, we say "well, it is hard because it is not meant to be, we should let go"... not necessarily all the time, but i am sure at least each one of us had been there at some point, no?

ok, u lost me when u said words like probability, risk, return... but i think i agree with you; it's the application that is hard!!

and yes i worry, the secret is out!! i should have said that i learned to not let it show as much... i mean dude, i would have nothing to blog about if i didn't :))

thanks for the wishes at the very end of the long comment :p

and here i am taking a deep breath :)

Sue said...

I believe in sign, yet I hate them, I hate when I feel I have to believe them when everyone else is telling me not to. I hate when I see these signs for others not just for me, then I get confused should I tell a friend "look I see this sign regarding situation X and I think you should not do Y" or shut up and keep these signs for myself and then blame myself for not sharing them with people when they turn out to be true.

Embee said...

Hindsight is 20/20.. I learned that too late..

"So now, signs just keep on haunting me instead of giving me peace and reassurance" - you have no idea how much that sentence struck a chord!! We live to learn I guess.. Hope all is super well at your end!

insomniac said...

Sue, you're so right; signs can be painfully confusing!

Embee, so true... things are super well, in their way! i wouldn't complain :)