March 19, 2008

my daily dose of crap!

It’s funny how some things keep getting on my nerves no matter how often they happen and how I expect them to happen; and therefore, just should get used to them happening!! Not funny, rather sad.

Good days should not be ruined by the annoying things I expect to happen, the things that happen almost on daily basis, so why do I let it rain on my parade?!!

Could it be because I keep hoping for a better day?? Does my optimism make me overlook the fact that some shit is bound to happen anyway, and that I should be fine with it because at least it does not come unexpected; I mean don’t the say “the devil you know is better than the one you don’t”… but it is a devil; who wants that??

I am sitting on my desk, allowing myself to dwell, and remembering the hurtful things I’ve been told; the same things I have been hearing over and over, letting them get to me and make me feel like crying.

But I am a big girl now; I shouldn’t cry, not over this, but why the hell not? I mean it still gets to me, and as common as it could be, it hurts the same way every day, and sometimes even more when I am vulnerable. It has been ruining a lot of good days since as far as I can remember, and what gets to me the most is that I know there is no way to change it or avoid it.

It is my bad!! For some reason, some idiotic reason I thought that when life throws shit at you, other things should work out just to make up for all the shit. And I kinda expected the rough edges to soften, only they got much harder and caused more pain, thank you very much; as always, no support, only more shit thrown my way. THANK YOU!!

Whoever said that fire should burn and snakes should bite and that we shouldn’t blame the pig for not being a giraffe should come up here and tell me right now who should I blame when the giraffe is a freakin’ pig!!

Ok, I am leaving now; all I have left to say are angry offensive words that will only make me feel guilty.


Arima said...

Hey...I tagged yo...10 random facts about yourself

Nora said...

Hey beautiful...
I hope you're feeling better. Life does throw shit at you... and it is bound to get to you at times. DOn't feel guilty.
The only thing that I have noticed works with me.. is to look at the good things in your life.
So, when you are at the lowest point, and you feel the shittiest you've ever felt.. just remember some of the kick ass things you've got. Think about how you feel when your kids smile, or when you hear their laughs echo through the house, or think about the looks they get on their faces when they learn something new, or how proud you and they are when they can do something all by themselves, think about the good friends you have, think about the people who do not say words to hurt you, think about the people who make you smile.

I know it sounds stupid.. but it seriously works for me...

Hope things start getting rosy again soon!

insomniac said...

arima, i will do the tag... i just need time... thanks anyways :))

nora, thank you sweetie for ur nice words... it works to think of the good stuff i have going on... it's just that sometimes the shit is too much... i am better now alhamdulilah... thanks :)