My cousin finally got me some of the oldies I asked him for a couple of months ago; he does not have such a bad memory afterall!!
For the first time in a number of years, I listened to Abdel Haleem’s Balash 3etab. My best friend D once forced me into listening to it shortly after a painful break up. I remember telling her the lyrics we more than ok only I couldn’t relate and then somehow turned the whole thing into a joke and well, we were watching the song as part of the movie, and seeing Abdel Haleem singing always cracked me up. If you’re a Abdel Haleem fan, don’t ask.
I listened to the song yesterday, somehow I related. As a matter of fact, a few words just found their way right into the scars I have, causing them to somehow itch.
I was just telling a friend of mine how I related, except for how the song kept saying “ya habeeby”, he is not habeeby; he’s anything but that. My friend told me that the “ya habeeby” is what made the song brilliant, because it made the song more like an unsent letter to the figure once thought of as a loved one, not the current person who no longer was.
I found myself agreeing, because the lyrics, the way they were written; they would only make sense when they are spoken to the person I once thought he was to me. Other than that, it wouldn’t make sense if I say them to the idiot who ruined it all leaving me nothing but dismay for this person, the one he is right now, wouldn’t understand any of it. The person he is right now would mistake it for lingering feelings, and would accordingly think he has an edge that does not even exist; pathetic really!!
Listening to the song, made me realize a couple of things… it’s been a year since he left for China!! Mocha’s birthday is in two months; the whole drama has been going on for almost a year! Boy does time pass!!
It also made me realize that I still remember there were good moments, moments that hurt to remember; not because they make me feel nostalgic, but because it feels like they were wasted on the wrong person for a long time. So for what it’s worth, all the times I have cried through the past year, it wasn’t over him, it was over me and all the lost chances on his account.
This is what I have to say to the not habeeby him: if you have one ounce of anything good in you, just let me go damn it.