Divorce and Society

Egypt is a messed up society on so many levels. Anyone who lived in it long enough will know that; actually, I have friends who only know Egypt through summer visits who know that.

I don’t have the attention span that would make me able to discuss the millions of issues I have on my mind! So I will try to focus… I write short paragraphs when I need to focus; otherwise, I babble.

One of Egypt’s worst flaws (as well as that of Arab countries) is misinterpretation of religions and tailoring quotes to fit our own perceptions of right and wrong!! No one can argue with that fact!

I think it’s rather a human trait. Only in Arabia it shows more because religion is a big deal and for some reason, lately it has become a matter of do-whatever-but-don’t-get-caught rather than inner beliefs, more of the “الحرامي هو اللي بيتمسك مش اللي بيسرق” concept, and of course it’s justified by “إذا بليتم فاستتروا” and “ربنا امر بالستر”.

Sadly, those very two phrases is how my soon to be x-husband explained why he would never admit to cheating to anyone but me. When I though arguing with him was useful, I tried to tell him that there should be a punishment for what he did; anything really to restore my belief that nothing goes unpunished same as nothing goes unrewarded. That was when he said it was inappropriate of me to argue that way and flaunted the other two religious phrases “الرجال قوامون على النساء” and “و جعلنا للرجال على النساء درجة” that men in our society seem to know by heart, which might bring me to the disgraceful gender perceptions in Egypt… Not now insomniac, focus!!

I hated him in so many ways when he came to come clean… he did it without any real remorse, and it bruised my pride even more. He only came to tell me because he was afraid she would! How sick and twisted, let alone humiliating is that?

That was in no way the man I thought he was… as men go, that was in no way how a true man behaves; that’s what I think he would have said if he heard of similar behavior!! But now that he did it himself, he’d say “I had my reasons”… need I say more about the power of rationalization!!

He thought that telling me would grant him forgiveness because when he asked for it I told him “how can I forgive you for what I don’t know”… I think he never really knew how my mind worked, not that it matters anymore.

His plan B was to point fingers at me and say it was me, and I almost believed him!!! You see, he’s that good at selling what he believes, and I was stupid enough to share his beliefs for a while! Luckily I had stopped believing him a while before that, and I was working on a long process of self healing since I could no longer count on him to heal me.

I almost believed his promises to be civil after he knew I was not willing to go back. When my friend H told me he wouldn’t live up to his word, I told her “come on, x wouldn’t sink that low, the good person I once saw in him wouldn’t let him hurt me”, but he did! Strange how I think I never really knew him!

I stopped blaming myself for my mistakes after I acknowledged them, tried to explain I didn’t mean them and even apologized for them. Moreover, I paid the price in full: 7 years. I forgave myself, although I doubt I will really forgive him… not for the cheating, but for all the lies he knew I would believe because I had blind faith in him, and because now I have trust issues because of him.

So after all that, I should not have to explain to people why divorce is better as if I am clearing my own name!!! I mean come on; it takes two to tango, how about marriage?!! It takes two people to make it, and it does take two people to break it… it’s a general rule, but I am willing to agree to it in a way, only because I was not willing to continue in that marriage anymore myself.

I think our society needs to be more tolerant rather than prejudiced, if they can’t seem to properly handle religious interpretations. This is what I have been practicing for a while now; when I hear a divorce story or some other social story, I do my best to remain unbiased and to not look for hidden meanings and/or reasons; some things are simply what they are! And since I am doing it, I am being naive enough to expect others to do it with me as well; now I can honestly say I have projection added to my list of psychological ailments.

So to whoever reads that, please try to see the whole cup; not just the empty part, and not necessarily the full part alone either… there is always more than one angle when looking at things. When it gets confusing, just give your mind a break and think about something else, it’s better for your brain cells, only shortcoming is that you might get to suffer from short attention span syndrome… not the worst that could happen I tell ya.