All through my life, I have mastered denying anxiety by being restless and hyper. I think I have become tht good to the extent that people say I am always energetic and restless.
On exam weeks, hell, on the exam night, I would do anything but study! Just read some points and that would be it! Even when working on projects, I’d keep them for the last minute, pull an all-nighter and voila, done! Some of my more hysteric colleagues used to say I was ‘7aloufa’ (insensitive), but I always thought that getting that kinda worried will only make me screw up. Of course my palms would sweat like crazy during the exam, but it was ok, even when they got ice-cold once my sweat glands decided to take a nap.
I get into some kind of euphoria whenever I am expecting something to happen. When it’s something I dread I do my best to keep myself busy with something else. I am good at finding distractions, I’ve been told.
Today, I have an important important meeting. The headache has gotten so much worse since yesterday. I’ve tried wearing my long abandoned glasses, took too much panadol, but the headache only gets worse; moreover, I think the panadol gave me nausea!
Yesterday before I fell asleep, I felt troubles breathing due to what appeared to be some kind of pain in my ribs! Now, it’s hitting again making it ache like hell every time I breathe in. and I think my colon is sending me messages that it is not happy with all that drama. AND my palms are sweating, which is not fair; I used to be ok with it since it was the only way my body reacted to that kind of pressure, now, it’s just too much.
Weird thing is that I know it will be ok, I know that worst case scenario, things will remain the way they are for the time being, so since when do I get that anxious?? I guess I’m growing old. I wanna be 18 again.