November 29, 2007

I am pictureless :(

Today, I noticed my profile picture on blogger is missing.

Apparently the link hosting it is down or forever lost, which is a bit upsetting since it left me with not much choices; either I look for a new one, or leave my profile pictureless.

Thing is, I almost never know what I want for sure. I mean yeah, I decided some time ago that I will use tulips because of that sentimental value they provide, but I don’t have a specific photo in mind.

I tried browsing Google images for a while, but I couldn’t relate to any of the displayed images. I don’t want any representation of tulips in vases or tied in bunches; it felt wrong, those particular flowers do not belong there, they are not domestic roses. And I am not that much into real photos either, I prefer sketches or something. And I hate the number 3, all the ones I almost liked represented 3 tulips.

I know I said I didn’t know what I wanted, but I definitely know what I don’t want. Coming to think of it, I think this is the way I have always been! This is how I have always made my decisions: It may not be what I WANT, because I don’t even know it, but it is definitely not something I don’t want, because that I know.

Was it how I chose to study business? Yeah I guess, I knew I wouldn’t go to med school no matter what. Wasn't bad at all!

Was it how I picked my job? Yeah, I picked based on non-hectic environment and non-extendable working hours which I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle with my kids and all. Good decision I would like to believe.

I think the one time I said “that’s what I want” was when I was asked if I was sure about the husband!! Yep, my uncle K asked me after he first met him “habibty, he’s nice and all, but are you sure this is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? Don’t get me wrong, I like him, but I want the best for you”, and I gave him that answer. Good thing I no longer talk to him that much, he’s the gloating type. In my defense though, I was never trained to know what I want, and that’s the closest I’ve been to knowing, or at least thinking I knew.

Note to self: never NEVER make decision based on what you think you want, old method works much much better.

This started with me being pictureless, but I got carried away (I do that a lot). Anyway, for now, until I find something I can relate to, I am pictureless.


Sue said...

insomaniac, I believe that identifying what one really wants is the most difficult part of pursuing happiness.

As for ur missing picture, you can find nice shots at:

insomniac said...

yeah, happiness is even harder to find.

thanks for the link, i will check it out...

good news tho, i found the old pic on my laptop, yeeey

hurricane_x said...

save a backup for ur blog for times like these :)

Ma -3lina said...

I thought i replied here b4 :((

anyway i came late nd now u huv put ur pic back

nd i agree wiz hurricane that u should save ur template nd photos on ur pc just in case

insomniac said...

hurricane, will do :)

ma-3alina, i will even keep that back up on my email, in case my laptop goes kookoo