After a couple of stressful weeks!

I freeze…

It is cold here, I am sweating and getting colder, I am shivering…

My whole body is stiff, the kinda stiff you feel when you’re too cold, only I am not that cold!

My tongue feels too big for my mouth; it’s making it hard for me to swallow, and my jaw is too stiff

My heartbeats are racing and I can feel my ears about to explode…

My colleague walks in and rushes to the buffet to get me mango juice…

I hate mango juice, and I hate stuff that are that sweet, but I feel too paralyzed to object. “drink it fast, you’re low on sugar, I haven’t seen you eaten anything in the past couple of days and 7ar2et el dam bete7ra2 sokkar, eshraby! Matboseleesh kheda”

Was I looking at him?

I can’t breathe… no, I can, I am just too conscious of every breath I take, it’s too much work to take air in and push it back, I can see my chest moving upwards and downwards and it never felt that straining…

The office boy walks in later with lemonade and puts it right in front of me… I say nothing

My colleague walks in again and tells me “DRINK IT!”… I wave my hands to tell him I can’t hear him, it’s like my eardrums are beating in deafening silence and I can’t hear words… I murmur “bardana awy”… e runs to turn off the central A/C and makes a joke, ironically I laugh as if I got it but it was basically because I felt sorry for him trying to make me laugh!

I force myself to focus… I call my sis and tell her that I’ll call the babysitter to meet her up at the nursery to pick the boys. I confirm with the babysitter. I call the nursery to let them know who will pick the boys.

I force myself to walk to that armchair in the hidden corner of my office so that no one can see me through the glass…

I sit head in my hands and I keep trying to force the thoughts to float in my head… you can’t afford to collapse, not now, not with all that’s going on; you need your strength, pull it together…

My boss walks in, takes a quick look at me, leaves to his room, and moments later he’s back with his jacket on and his brief case in his hand, and he says in a non-negotiable tone “yalla hawasalek el beet”

I go home, I sleep, I sort of eat, but I still feel out of my element!

I hope it ends soon… I hope it ends well soon! Deep down I am almost sure it will! YA RAB