April 29, 2009

Would someone bother explaining!

So I already realize people do not respond to me and that I am not in charge of making sure they behave up to my liking.

That being said, would anyone care to explain the following so that I’d stop obsessing and move on…

First, here are the facts that apply to me…

I do not know how to ask for favors, and even if I did, I HATE it… it’s really hard to ask favors even from those I love and cherish…

When my friends, even those who are not close enough ask for favors, I automatically do them without even recognizing them as favors; I only recognize them that way because it’s the word they use when they ask for stuff. I personally don’t believe that I am capable of favors; they are usually trivial stuff I think anyone other than me can do, so why not do them as long as they’re not much trouble for me, I am not a hero!

As for those I do not like, they are more or less eliminated from my calculations when I want stuff; I only think of whatever obstacles they might cause out of their utter dislike of me. Bottom line, I make sure I burn bridges with those I don’t like at all, and I am hundred percent sure I will never look back and wish I hadn’t; I am not a believer of “اللي ماتحتاجش اناهردة وشه، يمكن بكره تحتاج قفاه”, I’d rather die before it happens actually!

It goes without saying that I do not expect those I don’t like to ask favors of me; it doesn’t even cross my mind that it’s possible that someone who is aware of my dislike of him/her would be that delusional to think that not only am I willing to talk to them, but also I’d be willing to go out of my way to do something for them!!

Now, explain that to me…

How could people do all the things, the wrong things that would put me in the place where they are eliminated as explained above, yet have the nerve to ask favors of me!!!

Yes, I can understand that they might not like me yet have it in them to ask something of me… ok, not really understand it, but at least I know it’s possible to happen since people don’t have to do by my own code of ethics.

But to have already burnt most of the bridges, and to have done that knowingly, and then ask for things that require me to pretend nothing ever happened, and act like my usual decent and nice self (kinda), that’s beyond my understanding!!!!

The reason I am wondering...

He called saying he wants to take me and the boys to his family in Zamalek on Friday to celebrate his aunt’s birthday which is one day before Mocha’s. That way, he’d be giving them a chance to be there for Mocha’s birthday since as assumed they’re not on the invitee’s list (he barely made it himself), and to make it look like he could make me forget about the grudge I have for being kicked out and testified against!!

I just can’t believe the nerve, and neither can I find the right words to insult him for such request, which was by the way proposed as a suggestion!!!!! THE NERVE!!!


Anonymous said...

Hi Inso
You really don't need any explanation, you already had the answer between the lines..
as I read and analyzed this post and previous ones and I can tell that you come from class and pride that effects your life in every aspect(you seem to admire your father allot for those traits)
I don't want to confuse being rich with class, I have seen allot of Egyptians with money and I mean allot that lack class entirely..
What you have my dear is precious
when you give to the worthy and stay away from the thugs that's a good thing..
It may not be approved by the hoodlums (majority in our country)
but believe me you are in the right track.
best regards as always

insomniac said...


it's flattering that you not only read, but also analyze what i write, really :))

thanks for saying those nice words that kinda leave me speechless here, and since you already read a lot into my blog, u must already know i always have something to say :))

Ice Queer said...

I didnt get the last part of the post.

Btw showing dislike without burning bridges is better =)

insomniac said...

you mean what the x did??

he practically asked me to go celebrate his aunt's BD with the boys... his aunt's BD is on May 1st, my little boy's BD is on the 2nd.... background story, his aunt and his grandma kicked me out when i went to pick up my stuff and it was rather brutal.... and they lied about me living in that place for two years after moving out from the place i originally lived in so that we'd help take care of his nana.... so they're ungrateful liars who did not think of the day when they'd have to ask to see my kids.... and when i took the kids to visit his nana at the hospital out of being, i don't know, human, he actually thought he can pretend nothing bad ever happened... the man who called the police and claimed i hit his grandma and cousins!!!

was that clear or too emotional?? sorry if it came off too angry :)

that's the thing, by showing dislike, i am burning what i refer to as bridges... i know some people i dislike who would willingly help out, but i know that it's out of question for me.... baba once told me that if someone does me a favor, they own me for life, so i better choose those whom i can trust with such things....

ironically, the x is willing to pay for all my medical expenses (i have some problems) and drive me to my therapy sessions and the whole 9 yards in an attempt to come off as the good guy who's ebn nas since i am technically still his wife, but i'd rather rot and die (in the same order) than owe him anything!

i show dislike and i make it obvious that exchange of favor should not even be considered.... friends sayi am habla that way!

Mayo said...

Hey my dear,
All your x needs is to be told the following: "If you want a birthday for your son, with your selection of guests, you would have to prepare it and pay for it."
But bringing people together in such an uncomfortable scenario just to relief himself from the guilt of not spending enough time with the boys is totally pointless.
I don't see it as favours, he is just trying to tell himself that he is doing everything in his hands for the kids. He is even trying to get them closer to his side of the family.
The truth is: he is too lazy to contribute to the kids birthday, even emotionally.

insomniac said...

hehe honey, i think he wanted to avoid the payment as well as mixing guests from his side and mine... not to mention wanting to throw his aunt a birthday we bel marra my mocha!! yeah he can be cheap that way, he calls it efficient!!

the favor is that for me to go to their place and say happy birthday and share an event with his family...

as for his guilt, he has none towards me or the boys, he completely believes he does all he could given that i do not want back... he keeps repeating "ana mesh me2assar"

you're right tho, he's too darn lazy to be a father and to do anything "right"... he always wants the easy way and he goes out of his way to glorify it and make it sound like the perfect thing, he would actually do twice the effort it would take him to do the right thing! sad...

Knowledge Seeker said...

well Insomniac the prob with reading your posts & might be the reason for quiting following your blog, that a lot of times it bring me personel memories, not pleasnt ones:)
i know exactly what u r talking about & the impact of it
coz i'm one of the idiots who hardly can ask for favors & in the same time ready to do all kinds of service to others
& i'll try to tell you the usual senario in similar situation while trying to conveince myself to take the high road...
first question are we doing the right thing for the price we might get or we are doing it coz it's the right thing?
if we are waiting for the price it means that we are not really good persons we are just selling our good behavier for the suitable price
having said that you need to let it go really try your best to quit the bitter feelings
& it's really amazing how people don't apply the massal يا نحلة لاتقرصيني ولا عايز عسل منك sometimes they even try to get the honey out of the victim they already sting depending on his big heart or in other word HABALOUH
so for me what i decided to do that: i'll help anyone that ask for help if i can do it but the difference that i won't offer them help as i would normally do

insomniac said...

mmmm :)

so are you suggesting that i'd stop reminding you of unpleasant stuff if i wanna keep you as a regular reader here :))

whatever favors i do, are something i would do for a perfect stranger because i don't think i should refrain from helping when i can... with friends, i do it because i want to be of help to those i love!

i don't expect a favor in return, but i stupidly expect expect to get similar treatment... i don't want someone to abuse me or deny me help when i need it even if i am too proud to ask, i know i make it almost impossible for ppl to help that wa, but i never said i was low maintenance

i like that masal, i wish people would just live and let live when they can't be of use! sadly i keep struggling as i try to understand why they don't!!

i decided not to be too kind, at least not to those who definitely do not deserve it... i would still offer help when it's something i can do anyway... perhaps needing good karma is sort of selling my good deeds and perhaps that's why i keep getting bad karma!

Knowledge Seeker said...

I know what u r saying & it always made me grrr...
& i said a lot of time why me or kefaya matbstehash akter men keda:)

Ice Queer said...

i know all the background and couldnt relate the events but now I could =)
he's such an ass and I totally agree with Mayo!
And I also respect ur point of view abt bridges and favors(so gemini and feminine =P)

Good luck with ur medical problems, may u recover fast.

insomniac said...




hahaha i don't get how it is gemini and feminine!!! explain?

Ice Queer said...

Will tell u when I c u =P