April 17, 2009

I just couldn’t help myself anymore!

I have no idea if my fluctuating blood pressure is ruining my mood, or is it the other way around! All I know is that I found myself having this conversation!

Him: *walking slowly behind as he was talking to her over the phone and leaving me handle the boys all on my own*
Me: *looking at him and saying in an annoyed tone* could you please help me with the boys and leave that phone for a while!
Him: *giving me attitude* I am on the phone now!
Me: you can call her in 20 minutes after we drop you off, I am too darn tired!
Him: *rather yelling* I am watching my kids and taking care of them that way, but I am on the phone!
Me: *getting too angry and making sure she hears me*you cannot yell at me that way in front of your bitch!
Him: *disbelief*
Me: *walking faster and grabbing the boys as I was getting REALLY angry for losing my temper that way*

As I was putting the football in the trunk, my son had jumped out of the car while I was closing the trunk and it was stuck. For a second there, I thought I hit his arm with the door and I freaked. Meanwhile, he was still on the phone!

Me: *yelling* BEEM edkhol el 3arabeya la teddereb ba2a!
Him: *finally wrapping up the call and coming closer* gara eh ya (my name) malek 3asabeya leh we bettala3eeh 3al walad?!
Me: *trying to contain the temper* malaksh da3wa beya khales!!!

We got into the car…

Him: *in a rather scolding tone* ya3ne enty lama teegy tetgawezy, would you like me to show such disrespect of your future husband?!!
Me: *making sure all our dialogue is in English so that the kids wouldn’t grasp much* if I am ever to get married, he’d know better than to consume that much time on the phone when I am out trying to spend time with my kids!
Him: ya3ne mateteselsh beya 3ashan ento ma3aya???
Me: tetssel da motawaqa3 menha, but you should know better than to let it take that long!
Him: and what’s with the name calling?!
Me: she’s a bitch, here, I said it again!
Him: e7termy nafsek
Me: B.I.T.C.H BITCH!! And that’s the most decent word I can think of given that she was married when she had an affair with you while you had a son and your wife was pregnant BITCH!! Otherwise, her husband wouldn’t have left her!
Him: tetkalem bera7etha, she’s my fiancĂ© now
Me: well then, maybe you should choose between talking to her on the phone and being with my kids at the same time!
Him: telephone eh, babaky is always on the phone!
Me: my dad lived with us all our lives, he didn’t see us once a weekend!!
Him: he spends every weekend in Alex because he can’t stand….
Me: *interrupting* SHUT UP! My father is a much better man than you’ll ever be, so I don’t think it’s in your favor to even mention him…
Him: *with a VERY sarcastic tone* ok your father is a great man, I am not a great man…
Me: *with more anger than I could handle* you’re not a man, period!
Him: nazeleeny hena
Me: *pulling over* enzel

I’ve never been that rude, and I hate that it happened in front of their boys and I hate him so damn much for pushing me that far!!!

I didn’t want to ruin the day for the boys, so I took them out all day and we visited my friend H and they had so much fun with her baby. I still feel guilty nonetheless.


Shimaa Gamal said...

di bitch 2olayela 3aliha, lw medaye2 awy ye2olaha to stop acting like one.
mesh 3arfa ba2a beysamo el ragel elly bey7my el bitch eh, bas I guess enaha sheteema bardo. And he earned it!
Seriously, why guys and gals like your x and his bitch live in the time really good people die.

He deserves to be torn into pieces and be buried in a garbage bag.

He is so lucky that you are "YOU" begad ya benty el nas welad ...... mayfa3sh ma3ahom welad el nas elly zayek.

Anonymous said...

to distinguish myself from other anonymous i will just use M for misspelling.
inso I think you should set up some rules for when you meet, one of which is no phone calling policy, I agree with you that he should dedicate few hours for his kids but i think you over reacted in my opinion..

Im glad the kids ended up having some fun. as for you watch out for the blood pressure..Im serious.
be good now and take care of yourself.. best regards as always.

insomniac said...


i know i have overreacted... but i've been piling up all sorts of crap all through the past two weeks and trying to be civil!

yesterday and today he said the most horrid of things that are just not the kind of material i'd share and i was trying to pretend like i couldn't care!!

i've had BP fluctuation from high to too low to a rather low and yet i drove all the way to zamalek to pick him so that they boys would spend a day with their dad!! yet, he had me drive him to places so that he can run errands and the buys spent more time in the car than in the club!! and at the club, he's been practically sitting on his chair all the time while i was chasing them around making sure they're not getting themselves hurt... and when my boy said it was too hot and sunny he made a sarcastic comment about him being a spoilt sissy like his mommy!!!!!!!

yes, i overreacted, by trust me, it was due time for such an explosion... as for rules, i think i will pas the next outing and send the nanny... i need some time out although i know my heart will ache until my boys return!!!

right now, i am not even tempted to check if my BP is too high or too low, and i am too angry to sleep the headache off!!

jessyz said...

Why doesn't he pick up the kids and take care of them on his own?

Brownie said...

i would not talk about her but he pissed me off really, he is an ... wala balash....
regarding losing ur temper, he is mostfez gedan and u r a human so don't be hard on urself, he deserve it and kids will forget, i think they already did by the end of the day.

Knowledge Seeker said...

I know it's a personal post & hope I’m not intruding by commenting,

I’ve read some of your older post about X, I can see all the reasons for resenting him, and I respect your decision to be a good mother & try to keep a good relation between the kids & their dad.

But the catch that you know that it means a lifetime relation with someone you don’t like or respect so you consider that as a big sacrifice that you choose to give out of your kindness, and you are not ready to give more coz X doesn’t deserve more & he doesn’t even deserve anything.

That’s why you would always use a magnifier each time you meet him to find every single mistake he do, while keeping in mind the fact that he doesn’t deserve all the good you are doing to him & that if someone else was in your shoes X will get what he really deserve, which will push over the edge every time you find a mistake.

But my friend the only one who will suffer from such situation will be you
My modest advice is to believe that you are not a judge & you’re not responsible for giving everyone what he deserves & let it go & try to put aside your feelings toward him, the healing & full recovery will take time but with the will to heal yourself it won’t take long

You should stop caring about finding reasons to prove that X is a bad person. He is, let it go.
Don’t worry about him getting his fair punishment, even if he never regret what he did to you or that he never suffer in his future, don’t let this make you feel that life is unfair.

The full recovery means to have flat feelings towards people who hurt you, it’s not enough that you won’t try to get your revenge, and moreover you should quit wishing that bad things happen to them.

For the sake of your children & your future happiness I wish you a full recovery so you can liberate yourself from all negative feelings.

Ma 3lina said...

The bitch became his fiance !!!! ur kidding me!! anyway el tyoor 3la ashkalha take3...

I know that the situation was very stressful, but I want u to try control it even act cold, duna wanna them saying ur jealous or even give them the satisfaction of getting on ur nerves..

About the kids, plz take care, some stuff really stick to there memory.. so I hope this one won't..

We er7amy ur BP b2aaa

Anonymous said...

You know what... that's what you expect from him , you had every right to get angry...i'm not an angel here nor a psychologist to tell you "manage your anger" , you're a human being and you were pushed too far... if i were in ur shoes i would have felt like breaking smthg .. you screamed and yelled , got all the negative feelings out , i guess if u didn't do that you'll hate urself for not responding for such nonsense!!! and moreover he dared to mention your dad in a way that implies disrespect....

as for the not taking care of the kids...did he ever take care of them?? he is just playing the good daddy with the toys and stuff to give his kids , that's his role , period!! he won't add a value inside them .

Phew...i really am angry for you!!

bottom line, you shouldn't get in contact with him again , cause he'll always end up provoking you in a way .

BTW , why doesn't he give you the divorce?? mish howa ra7 7'atab fatat a7lamo?? 3ayez menek eh tany??


insomniac said...


thing is that i didn't mind going because i wanted the kids to have the closest version of the family feel!!!! we besara7a, i do not trust him at all to be alone with them, they already pick up stuff i do not like as it is!!!

but i am honestly tempted to pass their next outing!


i really hope they did, they didn't seem to remember anything or notice there was a fight!!!

ma 3alina,

yess!!! i don't mind that el toyoor 3ala ashkaleha taqa3, i mind that i am caught in the middle of it whether i like it or not!!

it is getting on my nerves alright, not out of jealousy out of how morally shocking it is!!!

the kids are my one weak spot, otherwise, kont %^&*()(*&^%$#%^&*


thanks for getting exactly how i felt!!! God i wanted to throw him out of the car, i am glad he asked that i would drop him because GRRRR!!!

anyways, i didn't take his call, instead i texted saying the kids were fine and that i didn't feel like talking to him at all!

insomniac said...

Knowledge Seeker,

there is no intrusion here, i posted it and i pretty much expected comments :))

u hit a word with the word "sacrifice", because i hate that word and i don't label anything i do using it. so to feel that perhaps my subconscious was feeling like i am doing one is an explanation of why i am so upset over the outcome not being anything like i imagined!

you're so right about how it feels with every single mistake and how i can spot them VERY easily!!

i wish i could just stop waiting for whatever fair punishment i think he deserves so that i'd put my soul at ease showaya, but oh God, it is so hard!!

sadly, i agree with everything you said about the healing and not wishing him harm and not blaming life for being "unfair".... but in application, it's very challenging!

and having to deal with him especially those days where he freely talks to/about her like she's legit, is a horrible reminder of my worst days and the kind of emotional pressure he put me through! it's like all my bad days were for nothing, being good and decent about the crappy details, holding my tongue back so many times is only getting me abused further while people like both of them get their way and enjoy spiting me even more!! the feeling that a cheap wh*** like her gets the legitimate treatment while i am still married to him on paper is even more insulting to someone as proud as i am!!

i realize i take things a bit to far and i am oversensitive that way, but i am naive enough to expect just a little bit of decency my way!! and i take it very personally when i do not get it!!!

i think i need to grow up a bit and perhaps become even more cynical of life to stop letting all that get to me that way!

Anonymous said...

reminds me of my childhood- i only wish they'd divorced like you 2, seem to have done. my folks fought like this for decades- the damage to us, their children, has had a devastating effect.

another anon

Ola said...

I don't like it that way!
I'm not gonna discuss my opinion about him & his behaviors because you know it very well, but the main problem here is that you'd lost your temper infront of the boys, who noticed every thing & grasp much of it as well. I didn't realize that "this" is his fiance, this is totally unbeleivable, but you know how immature this person is & he can make a big fuss of this fight!
Take care of the kids, you were doing a great job by being such civilized with him few hours / week for their sake, so please hang on here, also for their sake.

insomniac said...


i am still trying to get that divorce, God knows how much damage THAT will have on my babies!! anyway, if anything, i am more certain that it should end...

insomniac said...

walahy ya Ola wala ana!

you saw how happy the boys were that they see him regularly, but sadly he's too ungrateful to remain decent for their sake!! you should hear the insensitive remarks he occasionally makes about how they are like me in all the not so good things!!! as if he can find faults in those two angels yet!!!!

i'll try but i think i shall pass the next outing! i am not sure how i will manage though because i know they will cry like hell when they realize i won't be there! da aslan law howa ehtam kefaya eno yetkallem yeratteb for next weekend!!

Anonymous said...

he's a fast mover, engaged and not yet divorced. If a woman had done that, no doubt she would have been labeled the village whore. good luck on keeping sane in his presence.

another anon

insomniac said...