April 3, 2009

Today’s Lesson…

I got in my car, so angry and determined to vent my anger at the right person. No more suppressing or pushing myself to live up to my own high expectations; I will do what anyone as angry as I am would and give that shithead a piece of the anger he so intentionally causes.

I was lost in my own thoughts and driving too fast when the traffic officer decided to stop the mainstream (where I was), to let the people in the u-turn pass. I was too fast to stop and I pushed the break-pedal so loud and I could hear the tires screeching too loud and my car off balance.

Alhamdulilah, nothing happened. I am not saying I was gonna die if I had that accident; my guess is I would have had a serious dent on the car followed by a nervous breakdown over bad things and only bad things happening to me lately!

I took it as a sign that whatever it was I was about to do was as crazy and stupid as my instincts told me, so I headed back home.

My lesson now is…

When life gives a brief moment of victory - even if a fake one-, ENJOY IT! Even if it’s on the expense of the jackasses who caused you such distress! Bask in their misery because the sad and disturbing fact is, jackasses don’t get hurt so often; even when they do, they’re so thick-skinned, they wouldn’t be half as affected as you do by the smallest of thing!

You “goodness”, or whatever it is that makes you feel bad about enjoying others’ misery will not be affected when you savor a brief moment of justice; God knows they do not come so often!

Now, next time I say I feel sorry for that piece of scum, will someone slap me on the face or hit me with a baseball bat on my stupid head and put me out of my self-inflicted misery!


Anonymous said...

Baseball bat?!
Insomniac.. Insomniac..
If you just detached yourself from yourself for a brief moment you will see that you have allot to be thankful for,
indisputable intelligence, career, good family, beautiful children and I have a gut feeling you are pretty woman.
now is this enough to feel good?!
not always but it should help balance us when we are down.
that's much better than a baseball bat isn't it?!
best wishes inso.

insomniac said...


u made me laugh...

ok, i deserve to be thrown off a cliff if i feel sorry for that x of mine ever again because it just revokes the part where you said i was intelligent :)

i know and appreciate my blessings, i really do, but i am really feeling so mad at myself for being so darn naive to actually feel guilty for his failed attempts to get me back...

i am only thankful i do not succumb to guilt!!

he's such a piece of trash that was left to simmer in dirt and rot in absolute scum!!!!

and i am forced to deal with him in a few minutes because the kids have been crying all day because they miss him!!!!! he does not deserve this, he deserves bad things and i can't wait until they come his way and hit him really hard!

now that i am done ranting for now, thank you for your oh so kind words :))))))

Anonymous said...

Bad things already happened to him..! He lost you.
and if it makes you feel any better the man you knew is no longer there, we all go through things in life, they are good while they lasted but then things change to the worst, we need to adjust and consider the bad apple as such and is not what we have known..
how do i know? i too had an x (wife that is) and i knew I'm over her when i stopped having feelings of contempt towards her.
now I hope the weather is good now in Egypt go out and enjoy it.

insomniac said...


my contempt for him is hard to disappear... it can subside, but somehow i know it will always be there because i lost too many good years on his account... because i am overwhelmed by the responsibility that i was supposed to share with him... and because i am forced to deal with him for the kids sake...

i can only try to pretend it's not there for the kids' sake, but i will always feel that contempt, and it has nothing to do with being over him!

and the weather was horrible, too hot and the air was heavy!! or perhaps it was just his cosmic effect!

Ice Queer said...

Excuse my nastyness, you need to get laid =)

insomniac said...

did you mean to be nasty? or do you find my issues to be so trivial??

Sara said...

Hello insomaniac,
i've been following ur blog 4 quite long time and i really think u r gr8 & intelligent woman ..
feeling angry from time to time is not bad .. trust me, it's nice to let it out on the right person/thing

anyway, thnx 4 the lesson too .. it fits quite well with people in my life :D

ah, btw, i wanted to comment on the previous post about the drawings .. i liked the moon and the tulip even though the Dr. gave it some dark explanations ! and the half drawn faces too .. i do it all the time but i dont think they have the same meanings as yours.

Ice Queer said...

I meant that u need 2 have sex!

insomniac said...


thanks :) your words are much needed on such a gloomy day :))

the moon drawing is not complete, you would agree with him had you seen the dark edges and how the white was painted although it didn't really mean to be :))

i am sure your half-drawn faces have a different significance... you see, it's not just the drawing, it's the lines and the emphasis on simple things we are unaware of as we draw, not to mention our body language when we're talking with the therapist.... he's such a brilliant and perceptive man, and most importantly so peaceful!!!

you're always welcomed to this blog dear :)

insomniac said...


Ummm, i got you the first time around... my guess is that you did not get me!!

getting laid is not the solution to my problems, i assure you! even had i been a promiscuous person, my problems would have still remained....

that being said, i'm surprised you even suggested it because no where on my blog have i ever made it seem like such suggestions were welcomed!!

that's what i meant when i asked if you meant to be nasty or you actually thought my problems could be solved that way as if they were that trivial!!

Ice Queer said...

I meant nasty abt my comment; that it'll sound nasty 2 u or anyone.
I'm not asking u 2 b promiscuous, god forbids, lol i meant that sex relieves tension and stablizes ur hormones et emotions!

Akeed I know by heart that u wouldnt do it ya3ni =D but it's just a suggestion, who knows! =P