April 1, 2009

After a couple of stressful weeks!


I freeze…


It is cold here, I am sweating and getting colder, I am shivering…

My whole body is stiff, the kinda stiff you feel when you’re too cold, only I am not that cold!

My tongue feels too big for my mouth; it’s making it hard for me to swallow, and my jaw is too stiff

My heartbeats are racing and I can feel my ears about to explode…

My colleague walks in and rushes to the buffet to get me mango juice…

I hate mango juice, and I hate stuff that are that sweet, but I feel too paralyzed to object. “drink it fast, you’re low on sugar, I haven’t seen you eaten anything in the past couple of days and 7ar2et el dam bete7ra2 sokkar, eshraby! Matboseleesh kheda”

Was I looking at him?

I can’t breathe… no, I can, I am just too conscious of every breath I take, it’s too much work to take air in and push it back, I can see my chest moving upwards and downwards and it never felt that straining…

The office boy walks in later with lemonade and puts it right in front of me… I say nothing

My colleague walks in again and tells me “DRINK IT!”… I wave my hands to tell him I can’t hear him, it’s like my eardrums are beating in deafening silence and I can’t hear words… I murmur “bardana awy”… e runs to turn off the central A/C and makes a joke, ironically I laugh as if I got it but it was basically because I felt sorry for him trying to make me laugh!

I force myself to focus… I call my sis and tell her that I’ll call the babysitter to meet her up at the nursery to pick the boys. I confirm with the babysitter. I call the nursery to let them know who will pick the boys.

I force myself to walk to that armchair in the hidden corner of my office so that no one can see me through the glass…

I sit head in my hands and I keep trying to force the thoughts to float in my head… you can’t afford to collapse, not now, not with all that’s going on; you need your strength, pull it together…

My boss walks in, takes a quick look at me, leaves to his room, and moments later he’s back with his jacket on and his brief case in his hand, and he says in a non-negotiable tone “yalla hawasalek el beet”

I go home, I sleep, I sort of eat, but I still feel out of my element!

I hope it ends soon… I hope it ends well soon! Deep down I am almost sure it will! YA RAB

9 comments:

Rasha said...

Allah yesam7ek ya Inso.
begad.
and i didn't feel like crying...not now...bas bossy.
NOTHING is this whole damn world is worth that...not you, really not you.
shofeelek 7al and look, do not...by all means, do not go to work tomorrow.
GOD!!!

Ice Queer said...

Exactement DO NOT GO 2 work tomorrow!

I tell all friends to take a break and chillax somewhere quiet, but I guess I most probably say that cuz I need one myself.
Anyway my lady, go chillax!

insomniac said...

IQ,

rasha mesh na2sa tawseya! i know i will find her ta7t el beet @ 8 am!!


ya Rasha,

no work 3ashan 7elefty, bas yyou're a bully :P

Ma 3lina said...

Salmtek my frnd, u should take 2morrow off and get some rest.. Take care

insomniac said...

thanks sweetness :)

i am at work right now cause i had lotsa stuff that had to be done before the weekend!

luckily the conferenec call i was supposed to make was postponed, so i have a few things to just finish and i might leave early!

Abdelsalam Rashad said...

Get well soon Inso..and try to have a good rest in the week end...
( Fassy demaghek))

:))

insomniac said...

haha, i doubt eny hashoof wesh el rest fel weekend, fridays are becoming more and more straining!

i rely on my dearest rasha to neutralize the stress on saturday!

Rasha said...

aywa aywa ed7aki 3alaya...ana bully eh bas adeeki bardo worked today.
Will neutralize on Saturday alright :D it would be nice ha?!! :)

insomniac said...

el so2al hena howa:

do they let mo7agabat in! because if they don't, i am not feeling like fighting an unnecessary battle!