**me screaming**
Ok… breathe in… and breathe out… not that much better
I really don’t wanna whine anymore, I don’t!! I don’t like it when I whine!
So he called me the day I arrived at Luxor. I answered only to honor my word when I said I would answer the phone to discuss when he can meet his sons. I had totally forgotten that it was just one day before the court hearing and he was probably sucking up for some reason!
So this is what the conversation revolved around minus all the how are you’s and how are the kid’s… he wanted to know if my kids could visit his grandma because she’s too sick to come visit them at my parents’, my reply was “alf salama 3aleeha, but my kids will not go to a place of which I was practically thrown out, remember how you filed a police report saying i hit her and you claimed that was what she said!”. He said it was all made up by him like I guessed before and kept asking me to have mercy, I told him it had nothing to do with mercy or payback like he kept suggesting; it had more to do with principal and had to do with him and his family never anticipating a day like that would come when they would need me to bend the rules but I simply wouldn’t be able to because I no longer trusted them.
Instead of arguing in a civil manner, he accused me of being subjective and said “leh ya insomniac sootek beye2leb ma3aya keda, leeh ba7es en beyerkabek meet 3afreet lama betetkalemy ma3aya”… it pissed the crap out of me and ruined the whole day for me because it was true. I still flinch when I say or hear his name, I still hurt when I hear his voice or talk to him. I hate that! I hate how he gets on my nerves, how no matter how much I smile and joke about it and actually feel no pain, somehow I still hurt when I have to deal with him. Damn you X.
The second thing was to ask me if I really want a divorce (I wanna scream again!) or it’s just me teaching him a lesson, or am I playing legal game!!! What the hell!! Legal games!!!!! I filed a divorce case, how is that a legal game?? However, my better instincts registered that he wants me to say I want out for alimony purposes (now who’s playing games you &^%&*%^*^), so to piss him off, I told him I was clear on my requests, he asked me to repeat them nonetheless, I told him I had nothing to say, and when he started to push the wrong buttons again, I hung up and I made up my mind not to answer him for a longer while now.
Today, his aunt called while I am in the midst of writing a boring report and having my dad on the other line making plans for the weekend! He told me to hang up and call him back after answering her. I did not want to answer her because she’s the one I lived with, she’s the one who called him when I last went to pick my stuff and asked his cousins to not let me. But well, sometimes I am forced to a3mel be asly.
She kept talking as if I still lived there!! how could she do that?? How can they all keep doing that?!!! You can’t humiliate someone and talk as if nothing happened to avoid an apology! You can’t just expect me to be that mature about being insulted by him!! Damn it.
She went on and on about how I was, how the kids were, and if beem talks more, and of course she asked about their health and all because of the season. Then she asked if they could visit or at least meet outside (how typical). I told her she’s most welcomed to visit them (although I am sure I didn’t sound that welcoming). She kept telling a story about how she can’t drive at night, I told her we can meet at my parents’ on Friday or Saturday, and so we hung up after we agreed that I will call her back to tell her if this Friday is ok.
My back is killing me… it’s the kind of pain I feel when I am upset. I HATE them… well I don’t like the word 'hate'; it’s too intense and they don’t deserve intense… people who stab you in the back and hurt you beyond measure then smile at your face and expect you to do them favors are just scum that normally I shouldn’t pay any attention to… but they are my kids’ family… Damn, I will pay for falling for the wrong man for the rest of my life just because I had the cutest two kids with him.
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54 comments:
Quote:
he said “leh ya insomniac sootek beye2leb ma3aya keda, leeh ba7es en beyerkabek meet 3afreet lama betetkalemy ma3aya”…
He said leeh ya insomniac... Ya3ni he actually said Insomniac :P
No honestly howa ma3andoosh dam, we da wade7 bas you should know better, people tend to act more like idiots when they are stuck in situations with no window out whatsoever.
You are insomniac, he is 'X', it's a wonderful life :P
Seriously, you needn't hurt or feel bad about any of this, I mean come on ya bateekha, you know he was wrong, you know you are better off this way, why the hell hurt? I mean why the hell think about it? Just consider him a stranger... I mean, I know it is hard, but believe me, it is so damn possible.
And btw, If you know they are scum, then the hell with them, you shouldn't care cause you and your family are your kids family...
And well, you are not gonna pay for the rest of your life dude, I mean some day some one out there will take you at face value and I am sure it would be huge to him, more than you even expect it to be. And this is gonna just be ancient history. It will be like hey, that man is coming to visit the kids and at that moment it won't even hurt..
I am so damn sure...
It's easier said than done but try not to let him get to you.
People often play these stupid games when they know that they are in the wrong and the best thing is just to try and be utterly calm and practical...don't use any emotion whatsoever! Set out your goals (which it sounds like you have done) and then just answer yes, no wa khalas.
The man is not worth your anger or energy, you need to concentrate on your main priority...your kids.
now i know how smart you r GBK... WOW..
just to get back at you: nooo, he did not call me insomniac, he referred to me with my name :p
oh oh, and btw, my name is NOT insomniac :p
now seriously... ur right! and i do as you say; he's a stranger to me, the one i fell for no longer exists as far as i am concerned.... i no longer have feelings for him (love that is), i moved on that way!
but there is hurt because he hurt me; and it's really that simple: hurt hurts! i know it won't last forever tho! i know one day i will be able to talk about the details when they no longer hurt :)
until then i will hate it every time i have to cross path with him because my kids will always be his sons whether i like it or not
thanks for the cheering tho, it was really sweet of u :)) (so, do guys still feel weird about being called 'sweet') :p
aaah arima, i wish i would let him get to me that way... i really feel my tone changing when he does, i lose my cool and i start getting all... urrrrgggg i hate how he talks to me like nothing bad ever happened, they way he says my name like he cares.... why pretend, i mean i say his name be araf, i can take it if he does the same really :)))
my only consolation however, is that i know it hurts him a lot to feel disliked that way... yesss it doesn't give him any satisfaction to know he can get under my skin that way, it only pisses me off to be aware of it :)
i am trying to save up my energy for those who deserve it, and i am already more settled on what my goals are :)) thanks a lot for the support :))))
Well, I am smart, that's for sure, but I don't know what made you say I was here, and if it is the insmniac thing then well, that is not the way to know your name, ya bateekha.... I was trying to cheer you up, that's all...
Plus after that comment, i guess Bateekha suits you more :P
It gets easier, and the thing is now that you know it gets easier you gotta make that happen fast, I mean if we know things are gonna get better, we are gonna hurt less and probably hurt no more at some point we should speed up the process, I am sure it is his loss anyways, so if anyone should hurt it shouldn't be you... Simple logic dude...
And I am very confident of my masculinity, so call me sweet, cause I am :P
Plus look at the bright side... You have the cutest two kids from this marriage... I wish I would just have one kid.. But I am single and I am not a big fan of getting married at this moment, not now at least... the thing is you could loan me one... I would raise him to be like me... See that is the reason why you shouldn't, you needn't have a kid who's like me....
I hope you just let go of the thoughts, and enjoy your time, he spoils your day(s) when his days for the rest of his life are the ones that should be totally screwed... So, LET IT GO, cause this should be the other way round...
of course i know it was not a way to know my name and i know u were trying to cheer me up... DUUUHHH
bateekha did make me laugh... just don't make it a habit :p
and hey, this is fast!! everyone who knows me in real life can't believe i am on my feet still... they make me feel as if i am 7aloofa or something... so this is fast enough, i'd be a freak of nature otherwise, if not already :)
yep, logic says he should suffer and i should celebrate, and although i don't think he's suffering yet, i will go ahead and celebrate
i was gonna let u babysit the kids but u saying "I would raise him to be like me" was a deal breaker :ppp
Deal breaker!!! Huh!!!
Come on man, you would be proud of your son if he was anyway like me... I mean I am awesoooooooooooooome :P
Actually that's the only way you would be proud of them, and yeah I would love to babysit, children love me, I mean I turn into a total 5 year old when I am around them, I don't turn, I am a five year old deep inside, so I think you should just get someone to babysit the three of us...
Ok, I am babysitting until I get you to lend me one...
And well celebrate... That's what I am saying, if he is not suffering and he is fine you should be like fine to the power of one million...
And come on the bateekha thing is great... It could be fit into any sentence and could express any kinds of feelings, anger, love, hatred, cynicism... Everything... So dude it is a habit :P
And being okay and fine when someone happens to have been a total jerk, doesn't make you a 7aloofa, just makes you someone who knows how to react perfectly and who knows that she shouldn't hurt over what and who does not deserve... The time you lose in grief or hurt or pain is just something that you deserve to enjoy rather than, you know, lose... I forgot all else I wanted to say...
ok i will consider your offer, bas don't make him a godfather fan :p
hey, do u happen to be a james bond fan by any chance??? (think and be very careful before giving ur answer)
so the bateekha thing is like the tu7fa thing??
Exactly, like the tu7fa thing, big fan of the tu7fa thing...
Not big on bond movies, your sons will be Godfather fans, both will and you will really be glad they are like me.... You will be glad, you might wanna leave them with me forever and just go away and collect the fruits of my labor like 50 years later...
Don't thank me in advance, thank me when that day comes...
i like the tu7fa thing to, that's what my two younger uncles used to call me... uncle K would still call me that if we were speaking!
i am so glad ur not a bond fan... i mean it would have been a huge disagreement :)
50 YEARS!!!! seriously!! i am taking my sons back (if i actually agree to lend them) as a 50 & 52 year olders!! ehem, would u still be alive... would i still be alive! are you sure ur good around numbers?
:p
Yeah my youngest uncle used to call my sister, the one who is two years younger than me tu7fa and somehow I still remember my sister used to answer back "enta tuf7a"... And at times he used to joke with me and tell me "Latkh" and I used to say "Uncle M is Labs (My word for Latkh)" what a wonderful kid I was...
And yeah fifty years man, I mean I will raise them I gotta be there to see my grandkids... They say the father is he who raises... So come on, they will owe me their kids :P
And yeah, I hate bond in general, only liked Casino Royal, a little bit, but not much...
so that was the catch... ur claiming rights to my kids' children... wow, it appears i have underestimated your 'soosa' level :)
when my uncle K used to call me tu7fa, i responded "ya tu7uf" because to me tu7uf was the masculine of tu7fa... yeah i know i will not hear the end of it from u, but i am actually proud of my linguistic skills back then :)
any comment i say about bond will be out of personal spite, so i am keeping my mouth shut a7san :)
Very soosa here, I am all about children, I mean at one point my youngest sister who is 8 years old now called me dad the way I handle her, I give kids money, toys, and I spoil them. The thing is my kids will have a record being the youngest familiar people ever with the concept of bribery :D
Great linguistic skills a lot better than tuf7a and labs :D
What do you mean by personal spite, vent dude vent...
hehe, my older son is already familiar with bribery at the age of 2.. now he knows how to get what he wants and how to make a huge mosiba and then come and act all sweet so that i won't freak! i guess this says a lot about the kind of mother i am... but hey, what do u expect of a big 3ayela here :))
hehe, tool 3omry phaylasoofa... i did earn the label lemda... ezzay ye2oly tu7fa we marrodesh :)))
about bond, it's funny really.. i had to put up with the x's bond mania... the silly quotes, the holy card-deck, the sacred omega-endorsed bond watch, the sunglasses... i think he thought he was james bond in his previous life or something... i can make fun of him for hours on that matter now that i don't have to keep my mouth shut u know (lol)
You are doing good man, I think you are doing great with your kids, I mean I always think that to deal with kids at a very young age you need to be a kid, to deal with a teenager you need to use the mentality of a teenager to get through and to deal with an adult you have to be an adult...
And I think you can do the three especially the kid thing, we do seem quite similar in that area, I mean we are five year olds in their late twenties...
Lamada is good but I am sure you couldn't compete with my youngest sister, I mean she is overly Lemda.
Yeah, wow the things that people say when relationships are over, makes me scared of getting into one ever, and well we can make fun together...
Now about your kids, do we have a deal here?
yeah gemini and cancer are very childish, the toddler and the child respectively!! but aries is the big baby :)
i am an astrology nerd as i was telling a friend earlier :)
so, hook me up with ur sis and we'll have a lamada competition, what's her sign???
about my kids, no lending man, i know i bitch about wanting my space, but i miss them as crazy and they way they great me when i am home is simply priceless!!! u can babysit when i wanna have some moi time...
u really care about what an x would say after a relationship is over... who cares... those who know u will never believe the lies, and those who believe them, ur better off without :))
Well my sister, who is eight, is an Aquarius, extreme Lamada...
Dude, I am a man, i don't babysit on your terms, I babysit on mine...
I don't care, I was talking about what I would say, cause I am very aggressive near the end of relationships...
You know, what I mean here is I am so willing to do all it takes to make it work, but when I find the other party to a relationship screwing me and the relationship over and over and over again until I can no more try and make it work, I get really awful...
I mean I am the best friend you could make and the worst enemy you could have...
In other words:
"Etaqi Shara Al7aleemi Iza Ghadib"
Totally applies to me...
I can be so patient and once I lose my patience after ages, I am like a hurricane...
You know, it is sort of I do all I could to make things work asking for nothing in return but people being normal and respectful and if that goes, then it was all worth nothing... I can forgive once, twice and thrice and sometimes ten times, but once I run out of reasons to forgive, when people take my forgiveness forgranted it is usually time to unforgive all I have forgiven and ask people to account for their idiocracy and stupidity...
so this is how we're different!
i am not a 7aleem, at all!! i don't get upset easily, not the little things anyway... but it takes one big thing to get me to react, violently.
i may forgive only if i feel the other person is really sorry and genuinely didn't intend to hurt me... but i barely believe in second chances... let's face it, the one time i tried it, it backfired big time... i don't think i will do second chances ever again!
i don't really know what i am like in relations anymore! i know i am the best friend one could have because that's what my friends tell me... enemies, i ignore them... they say 3etab el nadl egtenabo, it's only hard for me to do because i usually wanna kick ass, but knowing that some people hate being ignored is a motive!
i didn't say i had terms regarding baby sitting... i said i couldn't lend them... i can have my ME time anytime, since i am always available for me :p
8 yrs old huh, that's a challenge btw because of the age... as for aquarians, hey, gemini come first in order, i possess the gift of argument... but she's air sign, respects :)))
(now i know ur freaked because of my astrology nerdiness)
Not so freaked yet...
And well, regarding second chances, well i believe in zillionth chance if there is potential for improvement or a chance that people may in the future understand where they went wrong even if not at spot.
I am in finance and forecasting is a major part of my job so probabilities are my favorite. Once the probabilities are 0 of course I opt for letting go and bringing out the rage I have held for long. If people change and thinks get better I end up losing the rage.
Besides I don't hurt, I used to hurt so bad, then it was reduced until at a moment I stopped hurting and started believing that no one is worth my peace of mind...
I like how you are so good with astrology. Love reading about it, don't believe in it much... Religious reasons affect my whole belief system about it, I might though believe that there are things that could be said about a person from the timing he is born, that is okay, but you cannot just stereotype based on that, you know what I mean..
wow, i was just posting something now and i realized we've been going back and forth for 20 comments!!!
it's good that you no longer hurt, just word of advice, never say never (OMG, i am quoting james freakin' bond, DAMN)
mmm i read a lot in astrology! and it's fair to say that it's a valid science (definitely WITHOUT the whole future telling crap)... the time you were born helps shape a personality one way or another, but who the person is at the end of the day is definitely a result of more than just that! and of course it has exceptions, and of course there are non valid stereotypes :)
Cool, now we agree, so should I get on my knees and beg to borrow your kids :P
And yeah I realized we have been going back and forth for twenty comments the last time I made a comment, it is quite fun though...
And well, maybe you are a bond fan :P you just don't know it... *Evil Laugh*
don't get down on one knee and beg to borrow them, u can babysit only :p
and i'd rather be a godfather fan to being a bond fan!
right now i am a george cloony fan... i reached that decision a couple of weeks!
Well, decide to be a godfather fan and I will consider :P proposing to you :P.. That way I will have the kids without having to borrow, beg or just babysit :P
You know this is funny, but one very important criteria for me to marry a girl is her having high opinions of the Godfather... I mean that movie rocks... And now it is like we are talking for the first time... Back to Godfather Arguments... Deja Vu? LOL
LOL, u really want my kids... this is scary dude!!
good luck finding ur godfather fan soul mate! who is not a guy :p
which part of the trilogy was ur fav.?
Part I, I mean Brando, Pacino and De Niro, who could resist that, and I mean it in a totally straight, totally non-gay sense before you start making fun of it :P Oh, did I just spoil a good chance of you having fun? :P
Anyways, my favorite scene is the scene in Part III where Michael stands with the guy who later on becomes the pope...
You know when he asks him to confess and then Michael responds saying it has been too long since he last confessed and then he convinces him so Michael goes,
"I Betrayed My Wife,
I betrayed myself,
I killed men,
And I ordered men to be killed,
I ordered the death of my own brother,
He injured me,
I killed my mother's son,
I killed my father's son"
And then he breaks crying as he mentions his father. I mean the way he relays it as his biggest problem that he killed his father's son, more than it is the problem of Fredo being his brother was great. After all, in the first place Michael Corleone turned into the mob man he has become only because he wanted to avenge his father for being shot in the first place.
I probably love it because I have a great connection with my dad, more than I do with anyone on earth, I would so anything, I mean literally do anything to whoever tries to bring him harm.
I am a Michael Corleone in some aspects and a Vito Corleone in others, the rest of me is simply GBK.
And no my name is not GBK :P
I am a big Clooney fan btw, his latest movie Michael Clayton is brilliant btw, you gotta watch it...
And well I do want your kids, after all, I am all about having kids, raising kids, besides in the first place my biggest of dreams and my father's before me is to build a school to create a a generation of kids who are different and in a spectacular manner.
Check this link out:
http://trail.gbkonline.net/2007/07/pain-pain-and-pain-part-vi.html
Anyways, the conclusion is I would make a great father, I am the kind of person to whom family and kids come first... Besides, I am already awesome...
And you just lost a big chance, one that doesn't come to a girl that often... I mean I look awfully handsome today given I had a presentation and then a couple of meetings...
naaaa, using the whole gay jokes are too cliche, and who can say they don't like brando, de niro and pacino anyway! didn't spoil anything, but it made me laugh u had to clear it... so much for having confidence in ur masculinity :p (now that's how i have fun)
so i like P-III the most!! it shows how everything ended (and i am big on endings)... he did not live happily ever after, the huge moral prevailed... he was reminded of why he refused being dragged into crime life... he was reminded when his own daughter died in his arms... the way he cried then (i get really touched when i see any good actor/actress crying over the loss of their child, u can call it maternal instincts or whatever).... and the scene where he ended up dying an old man alone, mourning his losses and thinking of his sins..... this is poetic justice to me..... i am big on those btw :)
but the part u mentioned was brilliant i have to say!
oh i thought ur name was GBK!! damn, now i will have to guess ur name :p
i don't know what my character is like... this why i left it for ppl to figure out... but it doesn't mean i will necessarily agree :p
so ur a cloony fan... now i may reconsider :p a;ways been a fan, i just decided lately that i will make him my fav actor until further notice, hehe
i opened the link, i will read it but right after i finish a few tasks... u see, someone told my boss about my super ability to multitask and now he gave me like 5 tasks at a time (i wonder if u know him... ya soosa)
i did not lose a great chance.. most guys look good in suits, a friend of mine always said "el bedal de beddary balawy" :ppp
meetings on thursday... it's casual wear day... i am in my jeans and big shoes dude (YESSS, i LUV casual wear days)
I love how you call me a soosa...
Dude I look good in both casual and classic, I look great, besides I am great inside, I am the real deal man...
I simply rock and I am simply brilliant...
I love casual wear days only every day here with my nature of work and meetings with prospective partners and business clients and outsiders I have to be dressed in full...
And yeah the part I mentioned is brilliant, I mean it was great enough to have me learn it by heart. My favorite actor is Pacino btw and well I do a very good Brando impression, I should send you a video sometime when I am in a black suit, hat...
Yes big clooney fan, you should watch Michael Clayton...
Insomniac, belive it or not your blog is now my absolute favorite, ask me why?!
ok.. ok don't be pushy I will tell you.
you have a great forum we talk about every thing except the post and that's rare cuze most blogers would get mad and say can we get back to the fiminist movement.
and by the way your dad is very smart it seems to run in the family.. it has to be the chicken for no reasonable person will start the busness with the egg..what if the egg breaks in the way we would have never known about a creature called chicken.
GBK aka soosa
can i add to ur characteristics HUMBLE!!!! seriously dude, get over urself, or at least pretend to have flaws for the sake of the insecure ones 7atta :p (i am joking)
brando impression huh... ok!
i will watch it... but be ware, if it changed how i feel about cloony will devote the rest of my life to fight the godfather :p
mahmoud,
the fact that we talk about other things is due to my short attention span, hehe... what feminist movement?!
I love george clooney even though never seen any of his films however he did me a great favour, i'm in the same age group as george and i was starting to question my charm, love and behold here comes clooney and with so many women who love and adore him he extends the life shelf for all of us.
thanks george and god bless.
I am sending you the impression soon... But I am afriad you won't be a fan of Brando, you will be a fan of me (Again, Awesome *My hands pointing at me*)
I know I am very humble :P
And yeah I have a new offer for you, in case the lending didn't work and the be a fan of the godfather didn't, you could rent them to me, I mean your sons, that way I will raise them to be awesome and you can make some money :P
just for records sake:
hahhahaha
u think i would rent my kids (oh my God, i am considering!!!!!)
Just for records sake:
I am sure you are I mean I am awesome...
Besides you will have visitation rights, any day, any time.... plus the added bonus of knowing the awesome person that I am and ending up wishing I would be your knight in shining armor :P
i am begging already (yeah right)
let's add delusional to humble :p
We'll see, you rent me the kids and we will see if i am delusional or you are just one more person living in denial... :P
now ur just trying to trick me into letting u have my kids... reverse psychology doesn't work on me dude :p
Well I am not tricking you, I mean come on you should just take the challenge if you are that sure of yourself...
Okay let's do it with a one year renewable lease agreement
hehehehe
ok, just for the sake of the argument... how will me renting them work when ur in a diff country... mayenfa3sh, visitation rights ezzay ba2a, beted7ak 3alaya?
Solved, you said you wanted to live in a place where your kids had a great life.. I am getting you a job here... Medical insurance, good schools and good money...
I really pity you, you are arguing with someone who has an answer to every argument you make... Too bad for you...
pity me!!!
where r the answers u offered... i did not get a job offer... actions mr. not words!!
So should I make you an offer before we reach an agreement, come on dude are you kidding me?
No wonder why it is hard to do business with women :D
enta elly 3ayez tebe3ly hawa, how can i make an agreement based on a vague job opportunity!!!
we kaman i never said women are easy to make business with...
well we could sign the agreement with conditions, if... then... kind of statements :)
I can draft the agreement, I have a good idea about drafting contracts besides I would give me all the rights...
ok, u can "make me an offer i can't refuse" ---- does this sound familiar (deja vu)
You can sign the contract and get the job or sign it and get nothing cause by the time i leave your signature or your brains will be on the agreement *pointing a gun to your head*
oh no!
did u just pull a Godfather on me??
Yeah I just did, am i good or what?
u would have been good if i didn't notice :p
Come on I am good anyways... Don't argue with that :P
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