Ok… breathe in… and breathe out… not that much better
I really don’t wanna whine anymore, I don’t!! I don’t like it when I whine!
So he called me the day I arrived at Luxor. I answered only to honor my word when I said I would answer the phone to discuss when he can meet his sons. I had totally forgotten that it was just one day before the court hearing and he was probably sucking up for some reason!
So this is what the conversation revolved around minus all the how are you’s and how are the kid’s… he wanted to know if my kids could visit his grandma because she’s too sick to come visit them at my parents’, my reply was “alf salama 3aleeha, but my kids will not go to a place of which I was practically thrown out, remember how you filed a police report saying i hit her and you claimed that was what she said!”. He said it was all made up by him like I guessed before and kept asking me to have mercy, I told him it had nothing to do with mercy or payback like he kept suggesting; it had more to do with principal and had to do with him and his family never anticipating a day like that would come when they would need me to bend the rules but I simply wouldn’t be able to because I no longer trusted them.
Instead of arguing in a civil manner, he accused me of being subjective and said “leh ya insomniac sootek beye2leb ma3aya keda, leeh ba7es en beyerkabek meet 3afreet lama betetkalemy ma3aya”… it pissed the crap out of me and ruined the whole day for me because it was true. I still flinch when I say or hear his name, I still hurt when I hear his voice or talk to him. I hate that! I hate how he gets on my nerves, how no matter how much I smile and joke about it and actually feel no pain, somehow I still hurt when I have to deal with him. Damn you X.
The second thing was to ask me if I really want a divorce (I wanna scream again!) or it’s just me teaching him a lesson, or am I playing legal game!!! What the hell!! Legal games!!!!! I filed a divorce case, how is that a legal game?? However, my better instincts registered that he wants me to say I want out for alimony purposes (now who’s playing games you &^%&*%^*^), so to piss him off, I told him I was clear on my requests, he asked me to repeat them nonetheless, I told him I had nothing to say, and when he started to push the wrong buttons again, I hung up and I made up my mind not to answer him for a longer while now.
Today, his aunt called while I am in the midst of writing a boring report and having my dad on the other line making plans for the weekend! He told me to hang up and call him back after answering her. I did not want to answer her because she’s the one I lived with, she’s the one who called him when I last went to pick my stuff and asked his cousins to not let me. But well, sometimes I am forced to a3mel be asly.
She kept talking as if I still lived there!! how could she do that?? How can they all keep doing that?!!! You can’t humiliate someone and talk as if nothing happened to avoid an apology! You can’t just expect me to be that mature about being insulted by him!! Damn it.
She went on and on about how I was, how the kids were, and if beem talks more, and of course she asked about their health and all because of the season. Then she asked if they could visit or at least meet outside (how typical). I told her she’s most welcomed to visit them (although I am sure I didn’t sound that welcoming). She kept telling a story about how she can’t drive at night, I told her we can meet at my parents’ on Friday or Saturday, and so we hung up after we agreed that I will call her back to tell her if this Friday is ok.
My back is killing me… it’s the kind of pain I feel when I am upset. I HATE them… well I don’t like the word 'hate'; it’s too intense and they don’t deserve intense… people who stab you in the back and hurt you beyond measure then smile at your face and expect you to do them favors are just scum that normally I shouldn’t pay any attention to… but they are my kids’ family… Damn, I will pay for falling for the wrong man for the rest of my life just because I had the cutest two kids with him.