I no longer wanna sit in my room crying silently until I am somewhat tired and sleepy.
This is a time when I hate being too much of the strong willed optimist I keep telling myself I am to just fall apart and have my own nervous breakdown.
There was a time I thought hysteria and depression could help, now every time I am about to hit either, I hear that voice at the back of my head reminding me how it only made things worse for me.
To sum things up, I wish I could just break down and cry and get the right response for once. I don’t know what it is, but it definitely isn’t a pat on the shoulder, a cry along or a cheap “I know how you feel”. I miss D, I really do. and somehow it feels my nana died all over again, and I lost touch with K all over again.
October 13, 2007