October 28, 2007

To all the guys out there, is it true???!!!

Men don’t like smart women that much; they intimidate them. and it’s even worse when they are smart strong women!

I have heard that phrase from so many men so far, I am starting to think it’s agreed upon! I was surprised it was even said to me by my dad and my uncle, who are both smarter than their wives, yet not as happily married as one would expect given how wise they both are.

So to any guy who stumbles upon this post, let me know the truth here… stating your age would help!


24 comments:

Deeeeeee said...

I just went through this same convo with my mom yesterday, cause she always hints that I'm in an age to get married soon (makes me feel like she's talking about a purring cat!) and I always tell her I don't see it coming! My argument always is "why marry someone who's strongly opinionated, slightly stubborn, well read and can live without you, when you can get the same virtues, morals and looks from an airhead, or someone who's just normal!"

Will E. said...

I personally like smart women but perhaps that's because I'm vain enough to think I'm smart. But the key isn't in being smart anyway, it's in character, and you may have character even without lots of brains. The trouble is that sometimes smart women think that brains can outsmart character and that's when there's a fight for control. Being smart in itself is not an issue at all, it's the result of being smart that's feared, that smugness that makes people feel that being smart is enough to be independent and controlling. I would have to agree that men don't like smart women but only when smart women want to wear the pants or the guys are extremely dumb. Besides, being smart should include knowing exactly when to remain quiet and it takes more than brains for compatibility, it takes emotional intelligence.

In conclusion though, I prefer a smart woman, someone who can challenge me and talk to me and convince me and offer me something I cannot reach on my own (which i should be able to offer back in return of course). However I have been criticized a few times for this preference.

Maat said...

I like Will's reply: somewhat analytical, precise, honest and true. and yeah.. it is mostly about the character.

However, his preference, that's just Will and a few other guys, I still think that A LOT of guys would prefer a beautiful puppet for a wife! (not all, just a good number) Not necessarily a dumb puppet, but rather one who keeps her opinions to herself, do as told, and look pretty. In that case, her brains (if she has some) won't really make much of a difference. It's sad, but it's true.

الشنكوتي الكبير said...

معلش هاعلق المره دي بالعربي علشان ابعبر براحتي

اولا مش بس الراجل اللي بيحب يكون اذكى واقوى اي كائن في الدنيا بيحب يكون افضل يعني اذكى واقوى حتى لو كان بالكذب المهم يحس بكده
ولأن الراجل بيدور دايما عند زوجته على الأشباع لكل غريزه جواه بيدور عندها انها برده تحسسه بأنه اقوى واذكى واحسن راجل في الدنيا
اعتقد ان والدك وعمك شرحوهالك غلط الراجل مش محتاج واحده يكون اذكى منها واقوى منها
لكن بيحب انها تحسسه بكده
لأنه ساعة الجد وفي المواقف الصعبه تفتكري اني لما اكون لوحدي ومش عارف اتصرف هاعمل ايه اكيد هاقعد مع زوجتي نفكر في حل للمشكله يبقى ساعتها لما تكون شخصيه زكيه بجد هتفيدني برأي هايل ينجدني من ورطتي
لكن لو هي فعلا كانت مش زكيه اكيد مش بس هازعل انها مش قادره تساعدني لكن هاتخنق كمان من اقتراحتها الغبيه

من الآخر علشان مارغيش كتير على الفاضي
افضل طبعا انها تكون شخصيه ذكيه وشخصيتها قويه
لكن بشرط متحاولش تكون اقوى مني ومتحاولش تفهمني انها اذكى مني
لأن مهما حصل لازم الست تراعي مشاعر زوجها
وفي النهايه لو كان فيه حب حقيقي وهي بتحبه فعلا وكانت اذكى منه مليون مره هتفضل تحسسه انه اعظم واذكى راجل في الدنيا

انا رغيت كتير معلش سماح المره دي
سلاااااااااااااااام

insomniac said...

@ dee, i am not sure whose argument that was, please elaborate (i feel stupid!)


@ will, i think smart men would definitely prefer smart women for i don't think they can endure having convos with women of the IQ of a vegetable!!

and yes, character is very important!!

which leaves me to the question: do smart men like YOU [;)] prefer it more when their smart women behave smart (given that they do not wear the pants) or when they are smart enough to play dumb as long as there are no interesting convos?

Maat said...

El Shankooty,
I do understand all what you said bas ... okay, first of all, neither one should constantly try to prove his strength or brains. So yeah, a smart strong woman shouldn't attempt to bully around her husband and control him masalan, but it goes the same way! you said a wife should keep her husband's feelings in consideration (btw the way you said that COULD imply that the husband is actually less smart or weaker.. though i know it was not your intention) but what about HER feelings? see the thing is most guys (again not all) do that very same thing, they constantly try to prove their wives stupider and weaker just to feel superior!

a smart confident man should be happy with a smart woman and not worry about her outsmarting him. and yeah.. a good woman, smart or not, should not make her husband feel inferior in anyway, but that doesnt mean that HE should be given the right to act superior and/or to take advantage!

Anyway, I do get what you wrote, I just needed to clear out these points.

insomniac said...

@ maat, personally, i don't think men are after the dumb puppet as u put it, i think they like it when their women make them feel more masculine... so, if it's by keeping their pie holes shut, the be iT!!

and from personal experience, they don't like arguments that much and they're not big on sarcasm!!!

ironically, when raising their own daughters, they might teach them how to make logical arguments and pass some of the sarcasm genes as well just as long as they don't have to deal with that (guess who :p)

and for all the girls that read this, for some reason, guys don't like the words "enta kaddab" even when you're joking!!!! ghaleban el bat7a betewga3....

hurricane_x said...

In general, all men don’t like women (smart or not) when they try to take over (that's natural).
And a smart man (really smart) won't let things develop to that extent (I mean fighting for who's in charge), and a smart woman (really smart) won't let that happen either!
Being smart doesn't only mean high intellectual capabilities, but rather includes managing relationship issues.
So if someone is Einstein and he cannot communicate with his(smart) partner cause of "who's smarter" fights, then they r both dumb!
So redefine "Smart"!

insomniac said...

@ shankooty, feel free to te ba3bar in whatever language...

i don't agree that the man should feel he's smarter when he's definitely not... the wife/woman should have common sense of not making him feel dumb, i understand... but what if he is really not that smart?? what if most of his decisions are wrong because he relies on his not so sharp wits? teseebo le7ad maygeeb dorafha??? yes, she should tackle the matters with wits herself and make the decisions sound like they are his rather than hers, bas law howa 7ass be ghaba2o ne3melo eh???

insomniac said...

@ maat again :) (fakhoora beeky ana)

yeah u mentioned something that has always bugged me... when men act superior!! and no, it's not about my wrecked marriage, it's about growing up where my father had full rights to nib any argument i had in the bud using the because-i'm-the-man-and-i-say-so phrase (hated it)....

and as i just told shankooty, what if the man feels inferior already and perceives everything his wife says as a challenge for his IQ or even his masculinity???

and yeah, women do have feelings and they like to feel smart every now and then, even the not so smart ones!!

and finally, smart women do appreciate smart men, they even like it when they feel their man is smarter, makes them proud in a sense i suppose... so it's not a fight over who's smarter...

insomniac said...

@ hurricane, that's exactly what i was telling maat, smart ppl like each other's company :) and smart ppl won't waste time fighting over who's smarter....

i am all for each one appreciating the other person's wits and such... and i am also all for both parties paying enough attention to the other's feelings... makhtalafnash!!

but would this mean that men who dislike smart women (given they do not try to take control) are rather feeling inferior???

insomniac said...

A POINT RAIISED BY MAAT

my dad would never say the "i'm the man" part out loud. he'd say "because i say so, and i AM right", then he would add to himself "because i am the man"

ur right maat, he'd never be caught saying it out loud because he knows it sounds so bad... love that man and love how he just makes sense out of his own words in ways ppl like me can never imagine!! LOVE him beggad :)

hurricane_x said...

I guess so, even if they say the opposite, but deep inside, they feel inferior (someone tells me if I'm wrong)!
Others say: "3ashan matewga3leesh dema'3y", (3ayz vase mela'7er), but that sounds lame or stupid!

Will E. said...

Insomniac, I like a woman to be smart at the right moment and play dumb at the right moment..I suppose that's fair enough because I'm willing to let her have her way sometimes but put my foot down at other times.

The problem is that most of the world is infected with stupidity and when it comes to marriage, people want it as a chance to prove themselves smart in some way or the other.

Deeeeeee said...

You're not stupid. I'm not clear! I have had a problem forming senses all my life :$
Anyway, what I was trying to say is that my mom always says that girls my age start meeting the right guy *whether through life or arranged.. don't get me started* and I always reassure her that I'm not going anywhere because its not me they're looking for, they'd want to marry a normal girl not a lawsuit!

insomniac said...

@ hurricane, i think so too :)


@ will, i know what you mean and i really think it's fair enough...

i guess i agree with what you first said "Being smart in itself is not an issue at all, it's the result of being smart that's feared, that smugness that makes people feel that being smart is enough to be independent and controlling"... i think it goes both ways with men and women...


@ Deee, u made me laugh when u said "lawsuit"... some guys like that, i guess only as long as you don't "wear the pants" and as long as they are mature enough to know you don't pose a threat to their masculinity...

and yeah, mothers get annoying when they talk about how it's time for their daughters to get married, my mom stopped doing that to my sisters because i am getting a divorce, this is how my sisters got off the hook (and they are thankful)

Maxxed`ouT said...

I'm 28

insomniac said...

LOL, what about your preference, we've established you like the quiet ones, how about the smart ones??

Maat said...

Maxxed is very perceptive, he's the only one who referred to your stating-the-age request!

Maxxed`ouT said...

I'm all for opinionated, outspoken, candid women.
Absolute submissiveness is a major turn off.

However a part of me still aches for the woman to be relying on me at the end of a rough day for comfort and support.
I think it's part of the woman's natural charm to be dependent on the man within the healthy norms where you can still define each as a separate entity... I just believe that's the way God intended things to be!

I need a smart, strong woman whom I , and only I, can make weak at the knees.

It's very hard to lure such a woman out of her shell.
And once you do, it requires insane work, passion and dedication to make her soften.

That's why i'm single, and gave up looking.

Fadfadation said...

Not all men have a problem with more intellegent or stronger women.

My best friend's parents are like that. They seem ok together.

insomniac said...

@ max, really loved your comment... ur so right about the amazing work it takes... u don't have to go searching for that woman though, being able to recognize her shall do i think!

@ fadfadation, u know what.. ur comment just reminded me of a married couple who are friends of my dad!! i totally think the wife is smart, strong and definitely more controlling but amazingly sweet and nice... the husband on the other hand is very kindhearted, sweet, and definitely neither an idiot, nor a dull character... i've always thought they were a nice couple to be around!!

wow, i am even reminded of more ppl i got to know through my dad who could somehow fit in the same profile!!!! coming to think of it, baba is messing with me saying those words when most of his friends are better men than that!!

thanks for reminding me of that, now i have something to take back to baba (hehehe)

SaRaH said...

couldn't agree more

oceaneyes said...

i am totally agree with this phrase ..

men can't just accept their women to be smarter ,successful and famous than them ...

....