March 12, 2009

Party Pooper


Today I was out with a friend having fun, pure absolute fun after such a disturbingly annoying day with the x checking out schools. I got my end-of-the-week treat; I was sitting in a chair listening to all my favorite oldies brilliantly performed. Some of the songs brought back memories to which I am nostalgic, I closed my eyes and smiled as I put those memories back to where they belong. My whole body was moving with the same rhythm as the music, I sang along at the top of my voice and no one could hear (luckily), I clapped and cheered so loud until my hands hurt and my voice faded! I was genuinely happy.


My friend and I left so that we can go home before we get in trouble, which is sad since we’re both above 25, VERY SAD. Nonetheless, we both found solace in knowing that we had a real good time and that for the hour we spent, neither of us had time to think of our crappy dramas and got to live a life we never really had anywhere beyond our dreams, fair enough, or so we contently compromised.

Until that call!

Enty fein le7ad delwa2ty? Enty 3arfa el sa3a kam? Da kalam?” and BAAAMM hung up!

Seriously, this is unfair!! I will turn 28 in June, and it wasn’t even 10 yet!!! 10 people!

And my mood was dramatically changed, in those few seconds it took to end that call, how sad is that, how depressing!

I felt like crying. My good mood was snatched from me so abruptly, the sudden switch of moods had a shocking effect that made me wanna curl and cry.

How cruel, how insensitive!

I really needed that evening out; it’s been a while since I went out on a music night and I reeeaaallllly needed the feeling I get after those. The music just makes me forget all about my problems and my issues and I heal for as long as I’m listening, and I know I can willingly go back to my daily fights and struggles without complaining knowing that I lived those few moments. Why is it too much to ask? Is that so horrible?!

I know it’s useless to try and explain that to my caller, or the person who had him make the call. I know it will be a waste of my breath because even if I managed to get my point through, they will still find ways to make me seem irresponsible and selfish and whatever other labels they will feel like using. So as always, the silent treatment is the way to go; long live passive aggression!

Now that I’ve ranted, I will go to bed trying to remember the thoughts and feelings I had as the music was playing and just dwell in them hoping they’ll visit me in my dreams more vividly.

Goodnight.

23 comments:

Shimaa Gamal said...

dah el 3ady ... Yesterday I kept trying to call my father for an hour to take a permission to go visit my aunt. And he actually asked hatro7elha lieh and how long will you stay.
I am 30! I have to take permissions to go out and I have to endure lectures of enty et2akharty lieh le7ad delwa2ty mafish khroog tany :)) Not to mention enty hatkhrogy ma3 meen and why :))))

Don't make el 3ady ruin your mood, because el 3ady should be expected :)))

Maybe we should start a facebook group to ban those phone calls :)

tesba7 3ala khier ya 2amar

Ice Queer said...

Story of my life!
Someone tell me plz who was that dominating bastard who came up with the curfew thing!

But howa mesh el sha2a men 7a2 el zouga wanti kaman 7adena? Why r u staying at ur parents'?

Dr.Invisible said...

ughhhhh they always do that, I thought after turning 24 things will be diff but here u are turning 28 and calling u at 10 so ....??

Still, u should not huv spoil ur mood, kaberi ya benty we khalas !!!

The.I.inside said...

that really sucks, 10 isn't late come on !! thank god I was blessed with understanding parents (at least one of them) my curfew is 11:0 but if i got home before it's 12 cool (most of the times)
I feel like I've been gone for ever, I am very busy and I missed out on a lot I'll read your older posts and try to not comment so much,lol

silent observer said...

"So as always, the silent treatment is the way to go; long live passive aggression!"

best policy :)

insomniac said...

Shimz,

it wasn't about the 3ady ruining the mood, it was about being forced to get upset over something so trivial when i couldn't have been happier... ka2en 7aram ab2a mabsoota... sa3ban 3alaya awy how happy it was besara7a :))

insomniac said...

IQ,

mawdoo3 el sha2a da should take you months to find its answer on the blog :) but to make a very long story short, the x (allah yekrem asloh) had me move into his inlaws before i gave birth due to some family matters, and we could never move back to our own place so i couldn't go back...

mind you, my dad wouldn't let me live alone anyway, and sadly, i need my family's support with the kids whether i like it or not... like my sis once told me after a fight "suck it up madam u need our help"... yeah yeah, alby eswed!

insomniac said...

Dr. Invisible...

24 we 3ayzahom yesebooky fe 7alek, enty motafa2la awy :)

i really feel bad about it because it was my dad who called, and he usually doesn't do that unless it's past 12 or my sons are miserable... in that case it was neither, it was just that my mom decided to turn him against me... so what really pissed me off was that she could...

insomniac said...

I,

yeah, i am supposed to be enough of a grown up, and i had already arranged for babysitting but like i said, my mom felt like screwing me over for whatever reason and she used the one person i can't talk back to, sucks!!

fein el comments de, i only saw one! khody ra7tek :)

insomniac said...

Silent Observer,

haha, it's more or less my only policy, but i doubt it's the best...

missed you around :)

Anonymous said...

so you know how it feels like every time i freakin go out! THAT's why 9 times out of ten (weekdays) when you ask if i have plans... i respond negative. and THAT's why i try to postpone all my going out plans till you know when!
it IS frustrating! especially that i dont even have any obligations toward anyone, which could be an excuse used to pressure you to go out less for instance (being a mother and all). ya3ny i think of this time of my life now.. being single and in my early twenties and financially independent... and i hate how i could do so much with it... but i cant. it comes down to me having to be home before it's dark.. else i'd be risking getting some people angry.. which i reeeally reeally hate more than anything!

The Caller said...

You're the only one who would post something i can relate to how sad and frustrating life can be yet make me laugh at" we were both over 25"
LOOOOOOOOOOOL
La2...I'm 10 years over 25 kaman hahahahahaha and I - as you know - too got a call right after we got out of the one hour concert...it was 9:40 and: ENTY FEIN?????? trrrrrrrrakh!!
I know how it feels to have people who love you manage to hurt u and worst of all they do it without even knowing they do.
But, I, and you, accept and play bu the rules ( we haven't gone out in 6:8 weeks i think ) because we are good ladies dear...we choose peace and security and what's right over using our freedom at times.
That's ok...only because we choose to...that means we are also using our freedom.
As long as i'm free i'm happy.
3arfa zay eh...zay how i quit smoking for months now although i have a pack in my car :) it was easy to quit something i actually like only because i choose to everyday.
You're a loving great mom and a human being who has a right to enjoy urself a little bit without being deprived that with the excuse of being a mom as if moms are supposed to build a tent in the kitchen till they die.
ana over 25:D hahaha toshkar ya zoo2....ay na3am ana maybansh 3alaya oo mozza oo keda :D ;)
bas bardo :D
love u...Jazz hugs*
(those are with a swing in case u wonder )
:)

insomniac said...

Anon,

is it me, or are you like comparing my status with yours, making my being a mother like it's something against me?!!!

i turn 28 in 3 months, i am about to get a divorce to end a painful process that's been taking over two years of my life, my kids were left with a caretaker, and i didn't go out for a while without having to run an errand! so no, believe it or not, it's actually worse for me because my life is no longer ahead of me like people keep saying!

yes, ur in your early twenties, yes you're done with your studies, and yes you're financially semi-independent... and because of that you get more breaks than i ever will, you can afford to be selfish without people calling you on it, but my selfish moments are forever held against me...

and FYI, i am sick and tired of all the attempts to make my kids sound like a punishment i deserve for whatever reason, be it choosing the wrong man, or deciding to leave him... they're not a punishment, i love them and i even miss them when i'm out, so the last thing i need is people making me feel guilty for my occasional dose of fun... u can't walk in my shoes, so don't pretend like u know what it's like for me...

i know i am being overly defensive here but the fact that u used to be anon instead of using your alias gave the hint that you knew you were hitting on sore nerve rather knowingly... so, before you say your "suffering" is like mine, try for a while there to sit and imagine all the balls i have to joggle and let me know if you can do a better job, instead of judging me...

phew... that was an unplanned outburst!

insomniac said...

my Caller friend,

you do not look like ur in your 30s, why would you say it!! we kaman i didn't lie, it's true, we're both above the age of 25!!! ghareebaton anty!!

we 2al eh hansafer lebanon aw turkey! lol, isn't dreaming the best way to live :)

see you at the next concert babe, or for a stolen coffee or ice cream walk...

thanks for the evening and the hysteric laughter sweets :)

hugs :)

Slop said...

Guess I'll have to go against the normal tide of things here.

I'm almost 30, a guy, technically I don't have a curfew.

But come 1 A.M. and the calls start coming in, "Hey, we wanna go to bed", "7aram 3aleik tesahharna kolle dah".

Yes, it's annoying, there came times when I'd stay out till 3 or 4, but I'd always come home to find my mom sitting in the reception waiting for me, she's worried.

After a time, I thought, WTH, is it really worth it, what's wrong with going home early anyway, they'd feel safer, so I just did.

Not that I'm happy about it, but lately, I started getting the same feeling of worrying if someone else is outside after hours, not pissed, just plain worried.

Does this make me a domineering person, no, it makes me just worried.

I know, you won't like the above, but it's my sixpence worth on the subject.

insomniac said...

slop,

i get your point... but there's a difference between worrying about someone because it's getting late and they were expected earlier and calling someone to spoil their good time...

the fact that i'm old enough to take good care of myself and that it technically wasn't even that late just adds to the frustration... but the main theme remains that it was meant to be "go yell at inso, lessa mareg3etsh men barra" and all the implications that i shouldn't be out having fun "doing God knows what", it's a bit insulting when someone tells you stuff like that...

if i wanted them to worry, or if i didn't care about them worrying, i could simply refrain from answering the phone, but i answered just because i didn't want them to worry and i wanted them to know that i was in the car on my way home, so there was practically no need to be so mean... yes, it was a brief sentence, but my dad knows the effect of that tone on me, we eny 3andy showayet dam zeyada when it comes to people yelling at me...

moreover, these are the same parents who wouldn't mind me driving from Agami to downtown Alex after 10 pm to drive my aunt back home! or drive all the way to Alex on my own to begin with just because there's a family gathering that i am not allowed to miss... sa3etha no one bothers mentioning my kids and my obligations towards them, but it's the main issue when i am out venting away... and it would hurt less if they say they worry but it's not always just about that....

sorry if i'm a bit too defensive, i honestly don't mean to be that way... if anything, i am always grateful for my dad's care, i really am... but it always makes me cry how harsh he can be in the process and it hurts even more when i know it wasn't him talking.... i really wish it was about the worrying, at least i would have taken it a bit better :)

have a great night there, and please don't be offended :)

Slop said...

Not offended at all:)

I perfectly get what you mean, I still insist though that your comments can only be read along with the morning coffee :D

insomniac said...

wow, ur one early bird slop!!

i'm still fighting the headache i've been having all night during my sleep!

i'll take what you said about my comments better being read with early morning coffee as compliment, no???

i'll go see if there's drinkable coffee around myself :)

Anonymous said...

i was in NO WAY judging you here!!! i was simply sharing your dissatisfaction for the whole thing!!! fe3lan no judging whatsoever... i was agreeing to what you said and sympathizing!!! and only adding to it my own "suffereing"!!! you took the wrong way tamaman!

as for not writing my alias, the whole idea was that i didnt want to relate what i have to say here to who i am on my blog cause i stopped doing that ba2aly fatra law akhadty balek! i no longer post about personal stuff... that's all!!!

i;m sorry fe3lan! i reeeally didnt mean it that way i promise!!

Slop said...

Don't tell me you just noticed that I usually post early in the morning:P

The comment about coffee is just a matter of fact statement, your posts and comments need a clear head to be read properly, only time in which I can actually concentrate is usually right before going to bed, or with my morning coffee, where I have nobody bugging me about something I already gave them the answer to 4 times within the last 50 minutes :)

insomniac said...

Anon,

it's ok, i guess i was still too angry about the whole thing and given that you usually don't show sympathy i assumed the expected :)


Slop,

when u comment early on weekdays it makes sense because ur supposedly up and at work... but on weekends!!

Ice Queer said...

"the x (allah yekrem asloh) had me move into his inlaws before i gave birth due to some family matters, and we could never move back to our own place so i couldn't go back.."
Okay but still, there is sha2et zawgeya and it should belong to u! right?

"like my sis once told me after a fight "suck it up madam u need our help"... yeah yeah, alby eswed!
Arghhh! I hate sisters, they r so mean lol I'm still slightly mad at my sister for outing me to my parents!

"I'm almost 30, a guy, technically I don't have a curfew.

But come 1 A.M. and the calls start coming in, "Hey, we wanna go to bed", "7aram 3aleik tesahharna kolle dah".
Yes, it's annoying, there came times when I'd stay out till 3 or 4, but I'd always come home to find my mom sitting in the reception waiting for me, she's worried."

Seriously?! Do parents keep this annoying trait even if u r 30 years old?!
Mind you, but why on the earth would keep living with your parents at the age of 30?! Too Egyptian, no offence!

"but the main theme remains that it was meant to be "go yell at inso, lessa mareg3etsh men barra" and all the implications that i shouldn't be out having fun "doing God knows what", it's a bit insulting when someone tells you stuff like that..."
EXACTLY! I hate it when mothers do that?! It's really silly ya3ni!
Wa ba3dain we always go through the endless debate of what bad thing that I can do after 12AM that I can't do after 12PM!!! Ok I know the probablities increase at late night but still, elli 3ayez ye3mel 7aga bey3melha!


Anyway Inso, when your boys grow older inchallah, will you make a stupid curfew for them?...I'm sure u'll =P

insomniac said...

ok, point by point (instead of rewriting stuff)

- we moved out from a rental because no apartment was ready, the one we were supposed to move to is still unfinished!! yes i can claim it, but the way things are in egypt i need a court order which of course is pending... mind you, knowing my dad i still wouldn't be left alone, i gave up and i'm trying to adapt, may be when the boys are a bit older...

- my sisters have the ability to be extremely mean at times... strangely enough they are the meanest when they try to be soothing, their anger at me shows in their kindest of phrases... for whatever it's worth, i can be a real b****h too, so i guess there's some balance there!

- living with your parents is a given in our culture... it has nothing to do with age... and if you add all the other socioeconomic reasons, it actually makes perfect sense... we can be raised in a more western oriented way, but we still have the whole arab-egyptian social structure whether we like it or not!

- my mom and i were never on good terms, and when i think of all the things she accused me of over the years i find that i've almost done all of them without my parents ever finding out just out of being stubborn... and she tried the "sit me down and talk approach" but she always did the mistake of selling me out and using everything i say against me, so i have deep feelings of resentment, which resulted from feeling betrayed by her over and over again... it's ironic because i made my peace with dad who usually decided the punishments, but i could never make my peace with the one who told him... makes sense in my head...

- u know, i catch myself behaving like my mom sometimes with the kids, and i feel like kicking myself in the a**.... but i am closely monitoring my behavior and i plan on being a good friend... i am still trying to find the balance between the friend and the authority figure... i will try to have my peace with "no curfews" but i will have them let me know they'd be late and it would help to tell me their whereabouts given that i will not lose it when it's not somewhere i am not ok with.. 7elw keda? ya rab a3raf ba2a... worst scenario if i couldn't do it, i'll tone it down...