November 7, 2008

Looks like it won’t end soon…

Another silly text message from him and his timing couldn’t be worse; a couple of hours after I posted the previous post and watched a disturbing movie.

He’s basically telling me he had just visited a friend of his who got married months ago and just had a baby. He was saying how his friend, whom he failed to mention his name –which makes me assume I don’t even know the guy- was sending his greetings to the wife, me. He was describing how his friend was telling his own family how my x is such a “moltazem w gad w mo7taram”! if I didn’t know better, I’d say he’s making it up, but I know how very few of the people he calls friends know him enough to know he’s none of the three, because moltaza w gad w mo7taram is certainly not what got us here.

I wonder what he told his “friend” when asked a simple question like “weladak 3amleen eh?”, I mean obviously he did not reveal that he’s separated and has not seen his kids for a year now, since Beem barely said a few words and since Mocha was a newborn!! Has he no shame whatsoever! He’s congratulating a “friend” for being a father while pretending he’s one himself! People’s pretenses never fail to shock and appall me; his pretenses have a bigger effect.

It makes me angry when part of the truth hits me; that he mainly wants me back to maintain the image of the successful young man who has it all; the presentable wife, the adorable kids, and the career! As if I’m his silly watch or the expensive shades, like this is my worth, or my kids’ for that matter. His shallowness feels humiliating because I have more self worth than that, a self worth that I have come to realize once I stepped away and realized he was the reason I lost my faith in me, as well as in everything else. Ironic.

I can only hope it hits him one day when he does not find himself surrounded by people who feed his sick ego, when he can look in the mirror and see past those pretenses, that between him and himself he would know how he lost the wife and the kids and to what. Knowing him, I know he’d always find things to say to make him the good guy so that his image wouldn’t judge him. Nonetheless, I always hope that one day he would fail and somehow see himself for what he really is. A failure, as a husband and as a father.


Shimaa Gamal said...

You know the only thing that proves enoh wala 7aga mn el qaseedet el mad7 elly bey2olha fi nafsoh di, mesh enoh mesh me3abar 3eyaloh, mesh enoh 3amal elly 3amaloh, la2 enoh he dares keeping a wife 3ala zemtoh 2odam el qanoon bas. enoh 3aref en wa7da mesh tay2ah we mesh 3ayza tekamel ma3ah we howa kaman mesh 3ayez bas saybha me3la2a le 3'arad fi nafs ya3koob

Inso, sorry fi el kelma, dah nat3

insomniac said...

i don't get it, what's the sorry for?!!

LouLou said...

I read your previous post and it broke my heart. Beem is so adorable. I am not his father and I am crazy about him just from reading your blog. I can safely say not being part of the lives of these kids is your ex's loss. He has no idea what he is missing.

Take care of yourself and of them. I know you will.:)

Shimaa Gamal said...

ya 7abeeby, sorry for using imporper language :)
we are ladies after all :)))))

The.I.inside said...

I really wonder were did you find such a piece of work, I mean for real that guy is so delusional I doubt he'll wake up without professional help and i mean very professional, only someone who's delusional will keep pounding at the door of your life while it's obvious you'll never let him in.
funny how he thinks he can keep pretending he's married when he's not, sooner or later he'll get tired. HOPEFULLY

insomniac said...

loulou :)

thanks a lot sweets :) Beem is one adorable kid for real, no matter how he would get on my nerves sometimes, he'd always make me laugh or just soften my heart by hugging me and saying "ana 7ebik ya mommmy"


u might call "nat3" improper language, but trust me, it does not compare to what i secretly call him in my head :))


he is a real piece of work alright... and i doubt he ever gets tired, he has a huge and equally sick support system :)