Undivorced!!*

*(Although Microsoft Word Processor objected to this word, apparently it exists as per the Egyptian way of applying religion and law)

Due to a bureaucratic stupidity, I had to wait an extra day to get the ruling on my divorce case since the verdict was sent to Zananeery Court instead of Abdeen Court along with other verdicts! *ahem*typical*ahem*

In short and simple words, away from the unnecessary legal jargon, his ta3a request was rejected and so was my divorce request.

I won’t talk about my anxiety over the anticipation and how it would have been much worse if it hadn’t been for yesterday’s outing (thanks girl ;)). I won’t whine about the verdict because I promised myself I wouldn’t; I know other people out there have it much worse and that I should be grateful, and I am, despite the disappointment and frustration for which I was prepared.

This is my general wondering though, even as I know that I am probably not the first or the only who had given that matter a thought!

What is the purpose of the verdict? I mean saying it out loud (or typing it for that matter) “el ta3a wel tala2, el etneen etrafado!” does not make any sense! If the honorable judge does not think I have legitimate grounds for requesting a divorce since to him no harm has been inflicted on me, then why did he refuse the ta3a my x requested???? And if he believed that the ta3a request could not be approved and that it was malicious because my x sated that beet el ta3a is in a rural area, which is not where we used to live, then why on earth did he not approve of the divorce?? What is the purpose of the verdict?

I find it hard to grasp for the judge basically rejected the continuity of the marriage even though he rejected its ending! I find that absurd because it leaves me (and any other woman in my shoes for that matter) in an unidentified status. It suspends the marriage, which is not approved or acknowledged by religion (not shar3y!)

I don’t get how the judge, the very same judge who ordered my x to pay alimony through court believes that this is a solid marriage that lacks reasons for termination! Who is he trying to fool?? And more importantly where does that lead??

I know khol3 is an option, and I am seriously weighing it despite how unfair it would be for me because I think my case qualifies for a divorce since harm has been inflicted on me, men el na7ya el adabeya like my dad refers to it. But what about before khol3? How do people in my place react and what was expected of them?

I know of marriages that took up to ten years to end just because the husband did not want to give his wife the freedom in fear she would remarry! Is that fair? Is that right? Is that 7alal? And that was a man whom I can fairly call a dedicated father who did not remarry either during his suspended marriage or after, not such an ignorant prick like my x who wouldn’t mind remarrying right now just to spite me!

I wish I could address the judge or whoever in charge of such ridiculous insensible laws that have no regard whatsoever for humanity! I wish I could talk to the judge and explain to him my point of view although I have serious doubts he would listen, let alone understand!

I think I should state out of fairness that I have no personal agenda against the judge, or his integrity for that matter. I don’t believe he had been bought, I do however belief that he had allowed his own prejudices to affect how he thinks in terms of my case as well as any other. I know he must have seen a million other cases that would make him cynical and bitter, cases that would make me sound like a spoilt brat who does not appreciate the bliss she has. I have seen and heard of some that made me feel the same way about myself. But he is a judge, he represents a lot more than his personal opinions, or at least he should, I think it’s his job requirement, and I think he had failed at that.

He comes from a rural masculine background himself that denies women the right of free will; moreover, pins it on religion! He thinks women have no rights further than having their basic needs fulfilled, and from a very limited perspective; not even like a pet, more like a domestic animal. He thinks one should keep a wife for physical purposes away from sin, reproducing, cooking and cleaning; the same way one would keep a cow for milk and meat, but before that for offsprings that would continue providing the same afterwards.

I am sorry if my analogy is rather cruel or inaccurate, but it’s how humiliated it felt after having to deal with him. I don’t mean to trash him or even imply that he’s a bad person; he’s simply a simple man who was raised with the conviction that the traditions he inherited are as holy as the religion he strongly believes in without true understanding. That doesn’t make him a bad person in my book, but it does make him an ignorant one. And for that, I blame the system that put such an ignorant person in this place just because he has integrity; for what good is integrity if the beliefs of its owner are that tainted!!

I wish I could speak my mind to someone in charge, I wish there was something I could do to make a difference because as frustrated as I am right now, I am aware that other people have to deal with what’s worse in more severe ways.

The thought of knowing that I ache -although I have a roof over my head and I can earn good living that fulfills most of my needs as well as my kids’- troubles me because it comes with the realization that there are other people out there who are going through the same, if not worse, yet do not have a home or even a half decent lifestyle. The word “lifestyle” itself may be something other people just can’t afford!

It makes me too embarrassed to wallow and whine; it makes me force myself to be ok because I know I would seem lucky and blessed compared to other people!

Therefore, instead of whining, I ask whoever stops by and reads this to advise if there is anything I could do or anyone I could approach; I want to channel my discontent through something proactive because I promised myself I won’t surrender to self pity.

So dear reader, your advice will be appreciated.