July 1, 2008
Two things that remind me of my x!!
Two things I can’t do at all, and every time I am in need of having them done, I think of my x and remember how I never had to learn doing them simply because he did them!
Number one, tipping! I don’t know how to tip people, I swear it’s hard! I personally find stuffing people’s sweaty hands with money a tad embarrassing for me and humiliating for them!! Call me a snob, but even when I used to take 3eedeya, I never liked the idea of aunts and uncles stuffing money in my hand that way; so I can’t really imagine myself doing something to anyone that I hated being done to me!!
Now, I really wanna tip the nannies at my kids’ nursery for the efforts they’ve been doing with both my kids, but I can’t seem to find a way!! It’s pathetic, I have the money in my pocket, I know exactly who I want to give it to, but I don’t have the guts to give them the freakin’ money, I don’t know how to do it or whether I should be making eye contact and smiling or not!! I even thought of putting them in white envelopes with the names of the nannies, but I don’t know, it seemed too showy from my end, which is not how I want to be at all!! ARRRGGGHHHH I feel like crap not being able to show my gratitude and appreciation!
Thinking about that all the way from the nursery to work today, made me remember my x and how I could always whisper in his ears that I wanted to give a tip but I was too shy and he would take care of it!! Yes, I tried watching him to see how he did it but I guess I just never had it in me to it myself, it’s embarrassing!!
Number two, killing insects! I have mentioned my phobia before and I have mentioned that no matter how I attempt to fight insects, I will never really be able to stop fearing them. Two days ago, beem came running calling for me to see what mocha is doing, I went there to find him trying to grab a sticky half eaten skittles that was abandoned on the floor by him earlier that ants all over it! My first instinct was grabbing mocha while screaming hysterically and making sure no ants were on him; I washed both his hands and feet while feeling a million ants all over my body I started crying!!
Yeah, I see or think of any of those creepy living things that can surprise you like ants, roaches, geckos, spiders and even rats, and I feel utterly disgusted and now they remind me of him; all the more reasons to feel grossed!! Eww!! It’s scary because I don’t want my kids to grow up feeling the same way about insects just because they get to see me freak out every time I see any! I mean if there was anything I wish they take after their father, it would be his ability to kill all sorts of those things!!