June 8, 2008
my dreaded roller coaster
I used to love roller coasters; I almost never missed a ride!
yes, I have a serious fear of heights, but I also love the speed…
with the beginning of each ride, as the roller coaster slowly moved upwards taking its position, I’d hold my breath as I heard my fear talking to me “how on earth did you get on that ride?!”…
I pretend I don’t hear any of that, and then the ride starts…
I don’t scream like other people, I completely lose my voice…
I think I close my eyes at first, but then I hear the daring voice inside yelling at me “what are you closing your eyes for?! You got on the ride because you like the speed, you like how the air hits you face, open up your eyes and enjoy it; it’s the closest to flying you’ll ever get!!”
my fears scream “you FEAR heights… bird view BAAAD… and hey, you can still feel the air on your face, be happy!”
through the ride, I’m not even sure if I’m happy or scared!
before I know it the ride is over! I am overwhelmed with excitement that I am willing to go for another ride… call me an excitement junkie; I’ve always had a boring life!
there were a couple of times when I felt sick after a ride and spent the rest of the day dizzy until I finally threw up… but I always always got on another ride!
except this ride…
my fears are doubled, say tripled… and I can still taste the vomit!
I remember the excitement, I remember I loved it, I miss loving the excitement, because now I just fear it!!
the voices inside are those of a coward, who does not believe it’s worth it to hold your breath that way for something that will be over anyway!
“you see…” they try to explain “the ride will end anyways, we know it won’t last… but you might throw up and have the rest of your day ruined… or even worse, the straps may be loose and you might fall and die, or even worse be crippled for the rest of your life, you don’t want that”
they remind me that I never did enjoy the ride to the fullest like other ride junkies; I always anticipated for what was next… they remind me that now I have too much at stake to even consider taking this chance, even if it’s just a roller coaster ride!
there’s too much action in my life now, I don’t need a roller coaster like before to shake things up…
I liked how roller coasters are unpredictable; one moment you’re up, the next you’re falling and you don’t even know when you'll stop! I liked unpredictability; now, I think I somehow dread it!!
actually, I need peace and quite… perhaps I can settle for a swing!
swings are fun too; you have things under control, you know when you’ll be high and well you’ll be pushing yourself high… it’s simply predictable!
I think I'm growing old!
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10 comments:
OmG! That's a heart-throbbing post.. I loved it and I so relate to every single word!! Just remember Jem's words: its just a ride!
I never understood why would anyone pay to get into a roller coaster. I guess I was born a grown up :)
It is not bad to settle for a swing.
Look at the not so full part of the glass, you have tried enough rides till you got to the decision of not trying them again. Don't call yourself a coward for seeking less excitement. Just think of it as you are bored of the unpredictablity of the roller coaster's ups and downs. It is just a change, that's not necessairly permanent.
Enjoy your swing :) You might miss it later
D,
thanks hun, it means a lot u like this post :)
shimaa,
you're defiitely right about something here, i should enjoy the swing!! i like the swing... and i will probably miss it because as always i will not sit and enjoy it.... damn gemini, always wanting what's next!!
I love speed. But what I hate about these games, is the dizziness that follows!
u were in an unsteady state for sometime lately and that may shake ur courage a bit.
The cure: DO IT :)
haha
i am becoming a wuss ya hurricane!!
and i am not sure riding a roller coaster would enhance my courage!!
ummm, i'll see about that :))
I hope your courage is nat faltering because of what you have been going through. I like to think that as long as you write about your experience you have not lost faith in your strength. So, if you're not riding the roller coaster because you've lost faith in yourself because you have an asshole ex.. then jump on that rollercoaster now! Don't let the asshole change you or your life anymore. Don't give him the power to do so...
If you're not on the rollercoaster because you're growing out of it than know that that is perfectly normal and enjoy the swing... soon enough we will be at an age where even a swing is too unpredictable and we prefer a cozy arm chair!
thanks for your advice nora, i will try to figure out which one is my feeling about roller coasters!!
as for the armchair, is it scary that i seem to find the armchsir tempting!!! i know i'm scared now!!
I know...
I would prefer an arm chairo to almost anything...
Sadly, sometimes that is too much for me and I only want my bed!
I think I am 28 going on 90!!!
But, it is cool.. and comfortable.. and I am embracing my arm chair loving self!!!
yeah! embrace away...
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