December 13, 2009

I think this sums it up!



I bought my beautiful red laptop almost two years ago. I call it DelLayla (because it’s Dell, and because I wanted to have a daughter and name her Layla – and I am not having anymore kids khalas). DelLayla is around a year younger than Mocha, she has a scratch on the mouse left button and the letter ‘A’ and it hurts my eyes every time I see them. I thought of selling her and getting a new one, but when I checked the ones available online, I didn’t find one exactly like her, so I promised to keep her until she’s obsolete… oh, and she still has some time, I made her long lasting.

Less than two months after I got myself a new phone for my own birthday, Beem bruised its speaker. A couple of weeks ago, I slipped it inside my purse loosely inserted in its pouch and my keys scratched a part of its screen. Every time I look at my cute red E71, I can’t help but feel the urge to either fix it, or get a new one! Ironically, I only want one exactly similar to it!!

Since the mirror thing, and after enough sanay3eya have tampered with my car during the past week, I can’t stop thinking about selling it and getting a new one. I am not big on the color, but I want something as convenient and within the same price range, only the upgrade of the same model doesn’t attract me the least bit!! I’d go for the older model if I find it in a different color!

It’s exactly the same with my life! It has too many bruises all over, and I constantly want to change it, but I can’t seem to find a different one that suits me! This life is MINE, with all its sad drama and its inconveniences, it still holds my memories, the good ones and the bad ones that shaped me… it holds my kids, who whether I like it or not, remain the one thing that keeps me together even when I no longer have it in me to care! It’s my life, and I do not get another one, and I constantly feel that I’ve messed it up beyond repair; I feel like I’m just waiting until it ends, just like I wait for DelLayla, my phone, and my car to stop functioning so that I won’t feel guilty about throwing them away.

My life is a mess beyond repair. I know it, and try as I might; there is no way of fixing it! Trust me, I’ve seen all the angles and considered all the possibilities, none seems to fit.

Can I just get a new one? I wish I could; I can’t even daydream of a new one because this one keeps haunting me every single minute!

Oh well…

11 comments:

karim said...

be strong dear and you have to know every thing have own charming, i hope when you get them you will find it at them

Eventuality said...

Something will suit you, you just don't know it yet ;)

Anonymous said...

"إن مع العسر يسرا" ya Inso

You deserve the best :)

R

insomniac said...

thanks karim...


eve,

:) you know, i never know anything in advance, only in retrospect when i finally rest a bit to reflect; otherwise, nothing catches my short attention span long enough.. always waiting for what's next and missing out on what i have...


R,

i know wallahy, i see "al yusr" every hour of each day, and i make sure i whisper to myself "alhamdulilah"... but the "3usr" keeps getting to me harder nonetheless!!!

i know my posts can get really depressing and fail to imply that i laugh within the day, not just from the surface, but sometimes my heart really flutters with laughter... and little things happen in my days and they warm my heart, and they remain to help me deal with the annoyances, but the annoyances never really subside anymore... heeeh, we'll see!

chaimaa said...

u can brng tears to my eyes and sadness to my heart so easily ....

insomniac said...

i'm sorry!!!

Maxxed`ouT said...

Stop being negative?...

insomniac said...

i am on a break ahoh for 2 days!!!!

do i need to post a disclaimer explaining that i am feeling better, hence not posting :))

Maxxed`ouT said...

alright, good for you :)

Mohaly said...

I am glad that you are taking a more positive look in your comments :)

insomniac said...

Mohaly,

yeah, i'm crazy that way!!

actually it should make sense... i get really stressed, i get down, i let it out in writing... then i feel slightly better after i let it out and i empty room for more crap... i disappear until i am full of nakad again... and it keeps going on!!

sorry for all the nakad you guys!!

:)