A Different Day!

Today, I woke up too early for a Friday morning to meet a friend on the other side of town. Around five hours later, after having morning coffee (with chocolate muffin), talking about everything that came to our minds, and walking round and round in circles in Korba, we said goodbye pretty quickly for two friends who live in different countries and have no idea when they’d meet again…

Then I was supposed to call another friend who bailed on me – it’s ok, I forgive you; I survived the rest of the day on my own without fighting with myself like I usually do!

I kept driving on my own listening to my music and discovering how all the roads lead to one another and making mental notes of the shortest ways to get around – I like doing that!

I kept looking for empty streets…

I needed to stop by the computer mall to get a new flash memory instead the one I lost when I was on vacation, but when I parked and stepped into the mall, I realized I didn’t have the energy to ask for what I want in every store. So I just browsed the windows, didn’t find any, so I just left!!

And it hit me, I was close enough to where my late nana lived…

I drove to the corner of the street and I could see the balcony where I spent endless hours daydreaming of things that never happened. I could hear her voice calling for me to get inside and grab a bite or to check on me. I could almost see all snippets from my childhood passing by. My eyes were filled with tears because I realized I never really appreciated those days as I should have, and I really missed her even more.

An old man saw me in my car with my eyes lingering on the balcony; apparently, he took his time watching me as I took mine reminiscing. My car was stopped due to traffic the entire time and I was counting that people would most likely honk my ears out when the cars started moving, but that man smiled at me and signaled that the cars ahead of me started moving! I smiled back with gratitude, and drove by…

I wish I had keys to the place, yet somehow I think it’s better that I don’t; I guess the only way I could hold on to the warmth and love I had behind those windows was to never get in and see how they turned into emptiness and void. I know her spirit left the place leaving no trace of what has been, so I will just hold on to it in my heart. God, I miss her… Allah yer7amha!

I went home feeling more willing to do my mommy duties than I have been in the past days; I brought lunch, fed the boys, showered them and then invited them to nap next me. I didn’t even feel sleepy, I just felt attracted to the bed in a sense, I lost consciousness for almost four hours – it’s sort of a record!

I am grateful for today… alhamdulilah…