August 31, 2008

Bye bye August!


August has been…........... I guess there are no words to describe it really!

I met some new people, friends that I would like to keep…

I caught up with old childhood friends, found out we’re still the same, only years older from since we last met…

I laughed, I cried…

I felt too warm and happy, but again, I felt sad and hollow…

I regained my faith in some people I thought I had once given up on, and I also lost faith in some whom I once cherished, and still cherish that it kinda hurts…

I smiled, I couldn’t speak my mind, I tried to express myself and I couldn’t, so I just smiled…

I made too many decisions that I still don’t know how to put in an action plan, but at least I know I did make some decisions, hard ones…

I finally asked for something I wanted, and I got it! For the first time I get something that I had actually asked for…

I couldn’t say a lot of words out of loud, not even to myself… I played them in music, but no one listened, not even me…

Words still couldn’t come out, so I smiled and nodded though no one was looking… played more music, few tears fell, my heart ached, but the words never came out!

Decisions are hard, especially the right ones…

One reoccurring thought though… I am alone and I am scared… I keep looking for peace, company, and reassurance in my kids’ eyes, I find some, a lot actually! Yet, somehow, the feelings still linger more strongly!

August made me happy, but left me with sadness. It could be because my sadness is still too much for any happiness to take its place, but I know deep down that one day, my sadness will no longer haunt my happy days… I could be either optimistic or delusional, either one will do for now!


Bye bye August...

7 comments:

haijekov said...

September will be better ... after all it's the start of a new season ... the weather starts to cool off ... and the wind starts to blow ... hopefully taking all your sadness with it :)

oh and of course it's the greatest month ever cause it has my birthday :D

wishing you all the happiness in the world Inso dear, you truly deserve it ... don't ever doubt that fact!

insomniac said...

awwwww... thanks :))

and happy birthday in advance :)

hurricane_x said...

All that in August?!!
All I can say is bye bye August webe2alf salama 2enta wel7ar welrotooba...##@#%^%$^
Anyway, I hope everything is gonna be better 2ensha2 Allah.
Don't worry, God will reward u for the patience :)

insomniac said...

yeah, all that in august, it's fair to say i did live the 31 days kollohom... da i even forgot mentioning stuff!

don't imply that i have been patient ya hurricane, batkesef men nafsy because i know better... me, patient, LOL!!!!

Frustrated said...

Well, of course being that "HOT" could have caused more troubles than what u have already faced!! You orgot to mention the allergy thing:)
IsA things are going to be better, w rabena ye7'aleilek your kids:)

Jade said...

Yay! Summer's over!

Yes, right decisions are the hardest...
Kol sana wenty tayeba
xxx
J

insomniac said...

frustrated,

yeah the allergy thing is what i had in mind when i answered hurricane :)

now the post allergy thing was great ;) and forget the heat, talk about the humidity!!! i think i'm allergic to that!

thanks hun :)


joujou,

yAAAy, i enjoy fall the most :)

wenty tayeba ya gameela ;)