August 13, 2008

What do you do…?


When you pray for signs and keep all your senses sharp so that you’d notice the smallest ones and do by them…

When you keep getting signs, almost all of them direct you in a certain direction, a road you do not prefer…

When you start doubting those signs but the voice in your head keeps reminding you that it was you who asked for those signs…

When you tell yourself that even signs can be misinterpreted and that you should depend on your instincts to interpret the signs right…

But then your instincts scare the crap out of you and they seem to side with the scary signs telling you to choose a road you wouldn’t prefer…

And that’s when your mind plays its silly tricks, manipulated by your restless worries and your vicious fears, telling you that your instincts were wrong before and got you to misinterpret signs before, that they might as well be wrong now…

When your doubts and insecurities are your new best friend who constantly keep your company making all the air you breathe feel heavy…

When the constant friend you’ve always had, your insomnia leaves you to fall into the pits of troubled sleep where your mind is supposed to referee between all the worries and the fears and the doubts and the insecurities in the very few hours you are expected to rest, only to wake up feeling like a million sticks were beating you on the head!!

You know you can’t succumb to solutions like medications or even suicide; it’s simply not you and you know it so damn well…

So what do you do???

8 comments:

Evaluna said...

LOOL
did you read my post or did you just happen to post this today by chance?!


umm.. I guess you just end up waiting... for a more definite sign maybe... or for divine intervention :D hmmm.. praying helps a lot! If it doesn't give answers, at least it calms you down.
Some one suggested yoga too :D

lol, i can't believe you posted about this!

insomniac said...

i just went and read ur post!!!!

lool

no those thoughts came to mind yesterday but i was too busy cause i had to leave work and then i got out later!

but hey, my dilemma with signs was discussed in a previous entry in March (follow the link)

i guess we have a few things in common ;)

Ma 3lina said...

U gotta wait for a clear sign nd then u should act..

Shimaa Gamal said...

This is what I was going to do:

1- Give the road that you don't prefer a chance, as long as all the signs are directing you to it so why not? You might be amazed by the result most probably haytla3 feshenk bas you will learn something along the way.

2- In case of doubt always go for the cocktail :) or el a7wat stay low. Stick to the starbucks decision theory. You know when you take every kind of decision that will lead to satisfactory insignificant result like how you would like your coffee. It really works, it gives your mind the space to silently assess the signs. Keep the voices busy with the insignficant issues.

3- You can never get rid of neither worries nor doubts. So live with them, 7ebeehom shewaya 2efshy 3alihom shewaya and sure ignore them most of the time. And whenever you discover that what you suspected was true, just blame me for telling you to ignore them ;)

insomniac said...

ma 3alina,

signs are not that clear, and even when they are, the reaction is never easy or out of certaintly!


shimaa,

i can't do any of what you suggested!!

1- actually the road i dislike, to which my signs push me, is not the one you think... you got it bel 3aks i think!

2- i am good at distracting myself, bas even when i do that, there is an unspoken agreement en ana la distracted wala 7aga, if i ever succumb to whatever distraction hab2a ka2eny bad7ak 3ala nafsy, which is something i promised myself i would never do...

3- i can never blame you :) i don't like blaming others at all, i would like to believe that all my stupid mistakes are mine to blame... i refuse to believe anyone would have that influence on me, i am vain that way!!

thanks for your help girl... and sorry for the bad mood :)

rasha said...

aha...u were in a bad mood when u wrote the previous reply :D
ana gaya ahadi elnofoos :P

wallahi ana akeed 3andi dolw a7eb an odly behe laken la7eqan 7ata a3thor 3ala al7abl...shoft khefet eldam?? sharbaaaaaaaat!

I have a bad cold 3ashan ana na2sa asly...
hand shake*
3ashan el3adwa!

insomniac said...

ya salam ya rasha ya fa2sany :)

eb2y daldely dolwek 3ala mahlek :)))

salamtek alf salama, we yareet tekhefy ennaharda!

*hug*

الشنكوتي الكبير said...

يا ستي كل واحد فينا برغم اختلاف ظروفنا من شخص لأخر الا اننا كلنا بنعدي بلحظات زهق وملل واحباط ونحس ان الدنيا سايقانا قدامها زي المعيز واننا نفسنا نعوم بره التيار الجارف ده ونروح مكان غير اللي مجبرين عليه ده
بس الموضوع محتاج تركيز وهدوء بال شويه وصبر
بعد شويه اعصابنا هتهدى ونفكر بصوره اوضح وهتلاقي نفسك يا اما قررتي ان التيار ماشي في صفك اصلا يبقى مش هتسيبيه يا اما تقرري تختار ايه انسب طريقه تنقذي نفسك بيها بدون انفعال
بس عليكي قبل كل شيء متخديش قرار وانتي في وقت الضيق
صدقيني معايرنا كلها بتكون مش مظبوطه خالص

سلااااااااااااااااااااااااااام
اخوكي ايهاب
رمضان كريم