August 30, 2008

No, it’s not freakin’ ok!


A childhood friend of mine had a brain tumor right on the nerve feeding his right ear. He went to the states around three weeks ago and had the tumor removed, along with his hearing ability in the right ear. Now, he hears absolutely nothing if he sleeps on his left side, blocking his good ear. My friend is now recovering from the surgery and undergoing rehabilitation in order to deal with regaining his balance, since apparently it was not just hearing that he lost. I am grateful he recovered, but I can’t grasp the loss, and I am terrified the tumor would come back.

I’ve last seen my friend during my Luxor and Aswan trip. My friend turns 31 in September. My friend had two beautiful girls, and his wife has just given birth to the third while he was in the states having his surgery. My friend is a good husband and a great daddy.

My friend is a good guy. My friend used to help me carry my kids’ stroller on and off the boat in Aswan. My friend would hold my Beem and soothe him when he noticed I was too tired to walk carrying him. My friend is a good guy.

My dad told me about my friend a couple of hours before the x’s aunt came to visit the kids bearing his cheap gifts. I couldn’t return the toys because my kids were so thrilled, but I did return the clothes and I was too stiff about it, it almost felt like I was kicking her out as I did it.

I was thinking of my friend, and how his health and his time with his kids has been affected for good, while my x enjoys his health and the time he doesn’t bother spending with his kids getting to know them; how my x never really held Mocha and has no clue what Beem would want for his next birthday! How all that seems trivial when compared to how my friend loses touch with his surroundings if he sleeps on the wrong side!

Things like that are hard for me to grasp. Things like this shake my entire existence and make me beg for God’s mercy and beg to understand His wisdom.

حكمتك يا رب

10 comments:

Askandarani said...

ya rab your friend do great and all be a distant memory. if u have time chk this link out, some how related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5_MqicxSo

Sherif said...

We always search for fairness in the

Whereas fairness is in our hearts ..

it is not when we feel pitty for somebody but when we support him with all possible might ..

It is when there are those delicate people like you who feel deeply how other suffer and appreciate with at least some words

In this way we complete our continuum of humanity .. this is our real role ..but very fiew understand it ..

insomniac said...

askandarani,

randy pauch! i felt horrible the day he died. first time i saw that video months ago i was overwhelmed and i still get goose-pumps when i replay it in my head.

i hope, really really hope my friend's tragedy ends right here with that much loss, ya rab.

oh, and welcome to my blog :)


Sherif,

fairness is not in every body's heart unfortunately. i wish it were. this is why we yearn for it, or at least i know i do.

it's not pity that i feel for my friend. feeling some one's pain and wishing there was something you, or anyone else could do to change it is not pity... but there isn't anything i could do but pray for him and wish he can find it in him to accept his loss and move on without getting bitter. if he's anything like i know him to be, i know he's already thankful in a way or another, God bless him.

i find it so kind of you that you called me delicate when i implied that it should have been my x having health problems rather than my friend :) but thanks

what do u mean out real role, supporting one another????

Shimaa Gamal said...

Hey my friend

You know sometimes I really can't get to the virtue of having people like your X healthy, strong and gabareen in the time we have really decent and kind people sick and sometimes dead.

sa3at ba2ool en yemken it is God's way to reward those good kind people for thier goodness, you know coz el ebtela2 is like a bonus for good people coz beysboro & beyshkoro and this makes them even better ... bas el gabareen dol rabena sayebhom keda 3ashan maysat-hloosh ra7metoh ...

ISA he will be fine

Dr.Invisible said...

No one is perfect I guess. Lazem yb2a feh 7etta imperfection

and it happened to be the feeling function that is not in ur ex m3a enha mafrod by instinct keda coz they r his own kids

Anyway, they huv u nd ur family 3lshan ye3wedo ta2sero

HAppy ramdan waiting for my Fanos :)

insomniac said...

shimaa,

i think ur right... but it's still hard to grasp when it hits you in the face that way!


dr. invisible,

7etta imperfection is different from zebala :)

i don't care for him, my x! if anything, i find myself praying for my friend now everytime i am offended by my x's behavior!

kol sana wenty tayeba!

Adam said...

The repetition of "My friend" was so powerful..at least on me.

Have you read "The five People You meet in Heaven" by Mitch Albom?

insomniac said...

no! do u recommend?

Adam said...

well, I have no idea whether you'll enjoy it or not.
But I can tell you this: in a totally non religious context, it speaks about how the minor little random things that happens in one's life actually has a meaning, and that heaven is when you get to know the wisdom behind all what's happened when you find out how the dots connect.

I myself liked it A LOT.

insomniac said...

looking back at my most peaceful times, it was when i saw the dots connecting and every little thing that confused me finally making sense...

so i guess i'm checking that book! thanks :)