August 4, 2008

She’s not drowning… yet!

She said “it’s like I’ve been pushed into cold water and I had no idea how to swim, and it’s taking me quite a while to regain a very delicate balance on which it depends whether I will survive or drown”… Or something close enough to that anyway.

The strange part is that those words are exactly what I had in mind when I picked that photo to represent me! I did not want to interrupt her by pointing out another similarity simply because I thought we had quite enough in common.

Now She knows :)

Whoever threw me into the water knew I did not know how to swim, yet never knew that I am a survivor by nature! I don’t think I knew that about myself either!! Perhaps I was never persistent enough to learn how to swim, or float for that matter; it’s amazing how you can surprise yourself when you have to!

Well, I still don’t know how to swim, but I have learnt how to float!

I have a little secret though; my floating is conditional. Every now and then I have to make sure my feet can still touch solid ground and that I have not drifted to a place where I would be forced to count on that delicate balance which I cannot trust my body to maintain all the time.

I keep checking. I keep checking with fear and anticipation of the moment when my body fails me, only to find out that I have drifted really far from whatever solid ground I currently have underneath!

There is more in my head that I am trying to get out, but my words keep failing me… I guess I will just leave it at this for now; so later…


rasha said...

Is it appropriate to say that that was beautiful?!
Well, it a weired way, beautiful.
Ana kaman words fail me...can't express more.
Deep hugs*

insomniac said...

*hugs hugs hugs* :)

i am so flattered you think it's beautiful!

you do know who she is, no?
*wink wink*

Ola said...

You will float and you will survive isA:) I know you very well and I am very certain of what I am saying here. Hang on cousin and I am here for you in case you need anything from me:)

Shimaa Gamal said...

Don't worry honey, by the time you discover you were drifted you will be a perfect swimmer. You managed to float and trust me this is the hardest thing.

Ever though that regardless how far the current might take you there will always be a solid ground underneath?

Sara Abdel Azim said...

maybe you should consider drastically testing the limits of your comfort zone?
after that, i'm certain you'd stop "checking" and realize your potentials a whole lot better.

insomniac said...

ola :)

u have too much faith in me, it's too flattering actually!! thanks cous ;)


u make a good point about the solid ground!! thing is i am not always tall enough to reach it!! i know i said i was tall, bas enty 3arfa elly feeha ;)))

as for swimming, i would like to believe i will learn without too much trouble!!

hi sara :)

by drastically testing, i might do something really stupid!! trust me, i KNOW!!

as for stopping checking... well, ahem, i will stop checking eventually and it scares me because knowing me, i know it will be the worst timing for me to do that...

thanks for visiting, and welcome :)

Sara Abdel Azim said...

thank youuu for visiting!! that was one awesome list!! ^^

and well.. sometimes doing the simplest things differently takes you out of your comfort zone and gives you a whole new perspective.. or maybe just freshens things up a little.. something as simple as a slight change in daily routine.. or attitude.
I related to what you were talking about, I sometimes have that feeling too.. but it helps me to nip it in the bud, to regroup all my scattered thoughts and take a new charge through life.
oh well, que sera sera... but always keep in mind that... this too shall pass.

and thanks again for dropping by! looking forward to reading more from you =)

الشنكوتي الكبير said...

ازيك الأول واخبارك ايه
والولاد عاملين ايه

ثانيا تهت منك بجد في البوست مش عارف ليه الغرق والأحساس بالموقف الحرج ده
ارض مش صلبه كفايه
ولا ناس ميعتمدش عليها
مفهمتش بالظبط كلامك رايح فين
بس المهم خدي بالك من نفسك

Sherif said...

you see .. everyone who knows you well trust your persistence ..

I wish you never drift off your solid ground .. which is simply all people who love you .. and keep praying for you ..

insomniac said...


i love the small changes one could do, especially when they give good results!! as for that feeling, i almost never dwell (except when i am blogging)... and i always tell myself that i will probably look back at this and smile, however the irritating thought of knowing that i will probably be in deeper shit kinda scared me :))

shankooty :)


mesh 3arfa leh toht! we mesh 3arfa ashra7 ezzay!!! bas mafeesh 7ad beyeghra2, at least le7ad delwa2ty!

thanks for stopping by, we da3awatak!


u made me smile! actually anyone who knows me well, knows i lack persistence!!! i survive because i learn fast, not because i stick around long enough to learn...

thanks for your sweet words and your prayer :)