June 16, 2009

Such a Misleading Quote, Such a Misleading Notion!

Years ago (nine years to be exact), I saw the movie The Story of Us
. For whatever reason, I liked the movie a lot, a part of me still does to tell you that truth! Back then, I was more into happy endings and that movie provided more than just that; it provided an example of a marriage that worked despite all the problems, what else would a girl who had just met a guy (whom she thought was one) want!

One of my favorite parts, or perhaps even my favorite was the part right before the end where Michelle Pfeiffer breaks down and decides to give the marriage another try, which apparently saves the marriage, for perhaps another 15 years or so!

Anyways, here is the quote from that scene
since I wasn’t able to get the utube embedding code!

I'm saying Chow Funs because we're an us. There's a history here, and histories don't happen overnight. In Mesopotamia or Ancient Troy there are cities built on top of other cities, but I don't want another city, I like this city. I know what kind of mood your in when you wake up by which eyebrow is higher, and you know I'm a little quiet in the morning and compensate accordingly, that's a dance you perfect over time.

And it's hard, it's much harder than I thought it would be, but there's more good than bad and you don't just give up! And it's not for the sake of the children, but God they're great kids aren't they? And we made them, I mean think about that! It's like there were no people there, and then there were people and they grew, and an an an I won't be able to say to some stranger Josh has your hands or remember how Erin threw up at the Lincoln Memorial

And I'll try to relax, let's face it, anybody is going to have traits that get on your nerves, I mean, why shouldn't it be your annoying traits, and I know I'm no day at the beach, but I do have a good sense of direction so I can at least find the beach, which isn't a weakness of yours, it's a strength of mine.

And God you’re a good friend and good friends are hard to find. Charlotte said that in Charlottes Web and I love how you read that to Erin and you take on the voice of Wilber the Pig with such dedication even when your bone tired. That speaks volumes about character! And ultimately, isn't that what it comes down too? What a person is made of?

That girl in the pin helmet is still here 'bee boo bee boo' I didn't even know she existed until you and I'm afraid if you leave I may never see her again, even though I said at times you beat her out of me, isn't that the paradox? Haven't we hit the essential paradox? Give and take, push and pull, the yen the yang. The best of times, the worst of times!I think Dickens said it best, 'He could eat no fat, his wife could eat no lean', but, doesn't really apply here does it?

What I'm trying to say is, I'm saying Chow Funs because, I love you

I remember how that quote got me to stay in the marriage when I first had doubts (strong ones) shortly after my Beem was born, or was it a bit before I had given birth! I remember the moment cut from all its surroundings; I remember sitting on the couch, rather collapsing when my friend who was trying to give me advice said “he loves you, he might have screwed up, but he loves you still, and it should count for something”!

I don’t blame my friend, he saw the x through my loving eyes for a very long time it was hard to even imagine that I was that mistaken about someone! And like me, he always thought people would live by his own ethics and standards, not theirs!

Anyways, that line echoed in my head so loudly, I even told my friend about that scene, and it helped him encourage me to stay married to the x for a couple of years until my second pregnancy and his next affair! I think given all the stuff mentioned on this blog as well as more that I kept to myself, no quote would have made me stay any longer!!

Seeing that scene again, it made me feel like the ending of the movie was fabricated to strengthen the notion of marriage or perhaps to give people a false hope that a marriage can survive no matter what!

Correction! A marriage can survive alright, but without the “no matter what” part! There are relationships that are worth fighting for, and I am all pro two-way communication, but don’t bullshit me into believing that love conquers all or people should overlook communication problems because they love each other!

Ok, I must admit I still like to believe marriage works and love conquers, not necessarily all, but conquers ay 7aga!

But does it????

Right now, I have seen enough examples that confirm that marriage doesn’t work, not the way I have seen people doing it anyway! The examples I see are basically divided into the following:

- Couples who are like time bombs waiting to explode due to piling up all sorts of lack of communication issues,
- Couples who are too preoccupied with their daily struggles of income-making and bills-paying and post baby-having issues that they keep telling themselves “all will be ok, once we work all those things out”, or
- Couples whom I don’t know well enough who seem perfect, and I am honestly too afraid to find out if they aren't!

So I leave it to you dear reader to tell me how cynical and bitter my own experience had made me! And if I am that cynical and bitter, don’t be kind because I once promised myself I won’t be, so help me keep that promise! Oh, and I didn't even mean for that post to be cynical, it just felt like one as I was ending it!!

Oh oh! above cynical opinion of marriage shall not apply to Slop & Sou who are currently on their honeymoon, yet they keep logging on!! I wish those two the happily ever after they deserve :) And guys, if you're checking this post, log out and enjoy the honeymoon already!!


Anonymous said...

If all marriages were bound to continue forever..there wouldn't be something called divorce ! sometimes it's the only solution and it could be the beginning for a right healthy life with someone else ...it's life afterall , it's not supposed to be perfect.


insomniac said...

i know R, and you're absolutely right...

i guess the cynical me is actually a naiive believer in happily ever after's!!!

and i guess i am also a perfectionist in so many ways!!

i expect a lot of good stuff to happen, and i expect to receive as much as i am willing to give...

says volumes about how i got here, doesn't it!!!


Will E. said...

I'm sorry, but The Story of Us does not state that everything will be okay, it says that even when two people are compatible and totally in love, the choking grip of marriage can break them apart. In the end, marriage is difficult and Pfeifer had to decide if it was worth fighting for, because the natural thing for two people in a marriage is to break down, and they must realize that it's not the romanticized version they thought it was, it needs lots of work.

The reality is that he wasn't a bad guy and she wasn't bad, that's why it was okay to work on the marriage.

insomniac said...

"i'm sorry"!!!!!


i agree that they were both good people and perhaps that helped the plot to wrap up in a favorable way...

i don't know if i ever mentioned it, but one of the things i liked about the movie was how it showed the little annoying things in a marriage that can pile up to bigger issues... i liked how it showed...

but the misleading part, at least for me, was that she decided not to throw it all away just because there was too much history and because it's harder work to start all over again with someone new... doesn't that contradict with the fact that even good people may simply be incompatible even when they're in love and they want to try harder.... i think it's misleading especially for people like me...

Will E. said...

but bear in mind that she might not have expressed accurately why she decided to stay.. maybe her words were misleading.. but I think the reason she stayed goes a little beyond words..

insomniac said...


i have heard her words from two extremely different angles you know!

i remember how strong those words felt when i thought the marriage was worth keeping... and i know how meaningless they feel now that i look back and think it really wasn't... it's a bit personal as expected :)))

but for whatever it's worth, i kinda still vote for the marriage in the movie! problem is, a part of me acknowledges that one of the reasons it's worth keeping is that too much investment is there, which is not something i am exactly proud to admit...

am i making sense?