January 26, 2009

The significance of a Perfume Bottle!

He got me perfume, the new CH by Carolina Herrera!

I called him to tell him that I was not ok with him buying me perfume, or any other gifts for that matter and that he should know better than to put something along with his gifts to the boys. He said I am still their mom and that it was his “peace offering” attempt.

He said that he was making it up to me for the perfume bottle and lotion that were missing when I moved out and asked him to send over my stuff. Back then he said he had no idea where that was, and I argued that it was still in gift wrapping and that it was a gift that I cherished and he had no right to confiscate it. He said he didn’t see it and that perhaps the cleaning lady took it or one of his aunts/cousins thought I didn’t deserve it as they were the ones to pack my things!

I remember I was furious at his reply, and I remember I had doubts of him giving it to his girlfriend. Everyone I know told me back then that it’s just another perfume bottle and that I can easily go buy me another one. I cried as I said that it was my perfume bottle, and it was a gift from a good friend and no one had the right to take it.

It all replayed in my head as he spoke, I found myself saying I still didn’t think he owed me a perfume bottle. I said that if anything, he owed me THAT perfume bottle, and anyway, I was over the whole thing.

He said so nervously that he just smelled that perfume and it reminded him of me, and he thought it should be ok to get me something and that I should stop that attitude and be as civil as I claim I can be.

I was baffled because as much as I am ready and willing to move beyond the negative feelings, I am still too proud to accept any gifts from him as my x.

That happened three days ago. It still makes me smile how he got me the wrong perfume, how the wrong perfume reminded him of me.

The perfume he lost was my favorite perfume; J’adore by Christian Dior; my friend got me that because it reminded her of me, and it happened to be my favorite. My friend is actually a daughter of one of my father’s best friends, we’ve become friends since I was a teenager and we barely see one another during short summer vacations when she visits from the States.

The perfume he got me is too strong, to the extent that I could get a headache wearing it. While my perfume has a light fragrance that stay with me without disturbing my sensitive nostrils!

My friend of every other summer knows me much better than the man I once loved and married for a number of years! If someone I barely see enough could know that much about my character more than the one I loved could see after living with me year after another, what does that say about the relationship we had!

I smile as I remember how he never got me the right gift unless he asked me what I liked before getting it. I smile because I was so very blinded by my emotions to notice that, when on the other hand, I always knew exactly what to get him!

Now, I still think it’s the right thing to return that gift, only I am left with a very tiny dilemma. If he’s sincere, I’d probably offend him, which is unnecessary in our fragile relationship. On the other hand, if I keep it and he’s given it to me as another desperate attempt to win me back, I’d be giving him the wrong sign. Like I said, that man never listens to anything I say, he’s driven by his own disturbed thoughts alone.


Shimaa Gamal said...

Well, I don't really know what should u do with this unwanted gift.
I think I wouldn't give it back. I will keep it even if it will give a wrong sign. I am not responsible for what he thinks, I am only responsible for what I clearly say.

Keep it, and then give it away :)
el masal bey2ool, sha3ra mn geld el khanzeer maksab
ma3 kamel el e3tezar lel khanazeer :))

Shimaa Gamal said...

Ah, I forgot. Your note about how he always got you the wrong gift rang too many bells in my head. Thanks for letting them ring ;)

Frustrated said...

Keep it with you wrapped as it is, act in the same way with him & stand against any further attempts from his side, pass it to him every now & then that you are sticking to your attitude as you are & nothing gonna make you change your mind about your getting back together issue!! my dear if he notices that you never uses the perfume he got you, wouldn't this mean any thing to him? even if we doubt his IQ, still he is a man & your being ok with a gift from him means at least you use it when he is around!! Drop the whole issue, he doesn't deserve you wasting your time thinking about his real intensions:)

Ice Queer said...

You cleared your point 2 him and he took ur point and defended himself somehow so it won't matter if u kept it, just don't wear it =)
the worst thing in the world when one party is holding on to hope that something will change, that sooner or later you'll get bk together...it's like going thru the break-up more than once, every time he realizes that actually, no, u r not getting bk together, so now u should enjoy that he will suffer endlessly =D

btw i love j'adore by C.D!

Anonymous said...

It's either you return it and be firm and let him know that it's over once and for all or Get back together.
obviously you can't get this guy out of your head, so stop the sharade and go back.

Rasha said...

First: I will not comment on his behaviour because I believe it's not the point and because I think I should be careful with my language talking about the father of your kids.

Second: I think you should give it back. reconciliation of the Perfume you lost with another NOW has no point especially that we usually accept gifts friends and family.

He could be one of those later on if he ended everything civil and maintained you as a friend who's the mother of his kids.

Frustrated said...

Please please, bera7a wenti betrodi 3ala el anonymous!!

The.I.inside said...

Everyone seems to think that you should keep it, I don't ^_^ I really think you should give it back to him, 1- so you don't give him the satisfaction, even if it's minor, of thinking that things are Kinda OK. 2- you are not divorced yet, so instead of giving you lame gifts he should give you the gift of getting raid of him. 3- don't worry about offending him, he seems very capable not getting offended when he should
I think my opinion comes from the fact that am not very forgiving and I like to hold my grudge near my heart. Do as you see fit.

insomniac said...

ok everybody!

to those who said i should keep it but not wear it.... thing is, what is the purpose of keeping something i will not use!

giving it to someone else is not something i would do (unless it was so casual, ALlah el perfume de 7elwa, mesh ba7ebaha etfadaleeha, ok merci!); when i get someone something, i carefully choose it, i don't pass gifts and i would hate it if someone did it to me....

so i guess i am more inclined to return it.... i will give it back to him next time i see him with the kids.

insomniac said...

other than my decision...


apparently, people who get the wrong gifts give us reasons to doubt them... because if you listen to someone, 9 out of 10 times, ur bound to think of something right to get!!


i over think because i like over thinking, not because he matters... u know how i like to keep doing those mental exercises ;))

and LOL at ur second comment... will try 3ashan khatrek la7san yetla3/tetla3 ma3refa!!!

ice queer,

hehe, there was a time i dreamed of seeing him suffering endlessly the way you described, strangely enough, i don't care, sometimes i even wish he moves on and lets me be!

and you got taste ;)


unlike you, i will not pass judgment since i don't know your age, sex, or background!

if you had taken the time to read enough of my posts, u would have figured out the reason i keep talking about him...

and i promised my cousin i'd take it easy on u, so i will just suggest that next time you leave me a comment like that, pick a nickname or an alias or sign in using an account that identifies you, unless you have a good reason to hide!! and word of advice, use spell-check before using big words like charade

rasha :)

well, between you and me, you can say whatever you want :))

i agree that he's not yet the kind of person from whom i can accept gifts... let's see how civil he becomes then... we ba3deen u know the return-the-gift obsession ;)


the satisfaction part is one of the reasons why i don't think i should keep it... i don't want him to think that he did me a favor or whatever...

u don't need to explain where your opinion comes from... i can relate

Anonymous said...

i didn't mean any ill by my comment i just thought you are very highly intelligent woman and you deserve the best, thanks to your cousin, you see you come from a very kind dna.
as for my spell check, i know i can count on you, your english is really good, beter than some natives i live with. and i wouldn't mind being corrected.
be safe and believe me i meant well.

insomniac said...


first of all, thanks for speaking to my ego! truth be told, kasafteny/kasafteeny!

this way i think i owe you an explanation (not owe you owe you... more like i love hearing myself talk, in that case, reading my own words i guess!)

i am rather sensitive to feedback that suggests that i am an annoying whiner... not that i am not, i am... only i don't do it in real life because i don't like to feel like a burden to people who know me... so i do it here assuming that people have a choice to browse away when they get sick of my drama without hurting my feelings!

so i didn't mean to be a b*tc#... i just got defensive!

Ahlame Samaraa said...

I have a better idea. Have your son present it to his mother the next time he will go visit her.:)


insomniac said...

hi Ahlame,

I am my son's mother... his father got me that perfume and put it along with his gifts to my boys...

and i wouldn't involve my son in any "grown-up" interaction between my x and i; because this way, his dad may think it's ok and use the kids to channel whatever he wants to get through to me...

gift exchanges are too early, especially when they are for no good occasion and when the divorce is still pending!!

thanks for your advice nonetheless :))

Ahlame Samaraa said...


This is wise. I wish I can give you a simple advise. Don't see him anymore, but again you can't you have kids.You need time to heal away from him, just get ready this type of tactics will increase