January 8, 2009
Sick and Tired
Despite all my recent attempts, I am still officially depressed! I am too depressed to even rant about it!
I keep wondering what the point of anything is! Nothing changes for the better; ok, sometimes it does, but it’s for a short while and then it falls apart again, everything!
I don’t even have the energy to feel angry or cry; I am accepting the way things are and I am tired of fighting back, que sera sera.
So for the time being, I am sulking in bed, defying my insomnia and clinging to every trace of sleep I can get even if I can hear my mom ranting or my kids calling for me.
There is simply no point of trying to be better or making things better; if things won’t be better either way, then I can’t keep on trying, it’s too draining and I am all out of energy.
I’m sorry, I don’t have in me to keep pushing myself any further; it’s futile, and in the end, something will always crash and burn, so I better not get my hopes up or work hard for whatever it is I most probably won’t get.
I am not letting myself drown, I am just floating away to wherever the tides take me and I don’t care where that would be.