September 11, 2008

To pervy perverson…


For some reason I played it all in my head yesterday as I was dosing off and had I not been too tired to react, I would have gotten completely angry, but I ended up sleeping on that thought and waking up with a headache and an urge to throw up.

Whenever I heard stories of sexual harassment, I always thought “had it been me, I would have given my harasser a piece of my mind.” Truth is I never did! It’s disappointing to find out that I am not everything I’d like to think I am, and it makes me somehow mad at myself for being too shocked at your behavior.

Damn, I was caught off guard; I trusted you, I liked visiting and I enjoyed our chats, even the rather unfavorable ones. I thought you were skilled, well educated, sophisticated, and most importantly good mannered and had ethics; apparently I was badly mistaken and I am mad at myself for that.

I am MUCH younger than your daughter you pervert, I even perceived you as the sweet grandpa I never had!! EWWWW.

How could you –or anyone else for that matter- know of the mess my life currently is and take such advantage of it? It’s low and I find it impossible to understand, let alone accept!

You were told half of the story and you came to offer and adult’s opinion and I thought I made it clear that your advice was appreciated yet invalid. I was nice and sweet, and more importantly grateful for your kind words, little did I know!

Every time I remember our conversations and how all your remarks were dirty hints that I simply didn’t get because I am such a naïve person who still doesn’t get how people could be so twisted and sick. Arrgghhhh.

And it baffles me how you actually know my x and how it didn’t even disturb you that I might call him and that it might –just might- outrage him. Or was it him who made it sound like I was that cheap? I really don’t wanna know, I guess the fact that you know him well should have warned me, but the stupid utopian in me never assumes the worst of people.

I hate you. You disgust me, shame on you and your likes.

And I am angry at myself for not confronting you. For being too shocked to even look you in the eye and give you one of my glares. I keep remembering how I withdrew and how I tried so hard to pretend like I still didn’t catch on to your grossness and walked out promising myself I would never come back.

Now I need a new dentist because my temporary filling is decaying and I am starting to feel pain again, and the pain brings back those obnoxious memories. Uff.

11 comments:

Goodz said...

never saw that one coming!

ouch!

insomniac said...

neither have i!!

double ouch, my tooth kinda hurts...

gjoe said...

Ewwwww fe3lan.

bass you know what?

He will get his punishment.

haijekov said...

huh?! ouch indeed

God i always hated dentists ...

hurricane_x said...

Where did the good people go?!
it's like being a bastard is the default for people right now!
sorry for what happened!!

Joe said...

hmm with all due respect to you, but shouldn't you be reacting instead of blogging!! i mean this is not something to write about, you should take action!! kick him where it hurts, mess up his face!! :S anything!!
i'm sorry, but i hate pervs too! disgusting ones at least!!

Anonymous said...

OMG!!!!!!!!

oh dear inso...i'm so sorry about this...i don't know what to say really..

But this person apparently knew that you won't talk about it to your ex..that's why he was mean and did what he did...7abibity you should have company with you , a nurse a friend anyone when you go to a doctor or anything of the
sort..... :((((

I think you should tell your father , don't let him get away with it..at least you'll feel more relieved.

R

insomniac said...

oojie,

yeah what goes around comes around indeed bas el moshkela en for us humans, it could not be enough and we might never really witness it!

sorry, u didn't catch me on one of my cheerful days i suppose :)


kovs,

i actually did not hate that one!! i actually respected that one!! looks like i'm a great judge of character huh!


hurricane,

u said it, the default has so much deteriorated, people are no longer good!

thank you :))


joe,

i would have loved to "react", i would have loved to tell him "what the hell are you implying?" or "what the hell do you think you're doing?", but thing is, what he did could still be easily denied and referred to as "misunderstanding" and would be attributed to my insecurities or whatever it is he and my x would call it!! i would be giving him reason to go make up a story to my x just to cover up for him self and i can almost hear my x saying "mesh ba2ollak magnoona we beyethaya2laha".... it took me a day to actually make sense of it all and i had to consult two friends of mine to come up that i am not being paranoid!!!!

that does not mean that i wish i have reacted, i just know which fights i can win, or i would like to think so, i could be rationalizing my weakness!!

oh, i almost forgot, thanks for stopping by!


Dear R,

you're the third one to tell me that, my two friends whom i told also commented that he knew very well i wouldn't tell my x! i just still don't believe he was that creepy...

i thought he was professional, i decided against taking my best friend who is a non practicing dentist with me because i was concerned it would offend him...

the last one i'd tell is my dad ya R... the poor man is barely getting over my whole divorce thing for me to give him more things to worry and feel bitter about!! and as much as i hate being passive about it, i think it's best for me to let this one go and move on... i don't need any extra drama at the time being... and i guess that's what he picked on and made me such an "easy target", God i hate him, but for some reason, i hate my x more :-/

Jade said...

I am so sorry Darling that you had to go through this experience. Lord knows I know exactly how you feel... been there before & unfortunately, several times.

You mustn't be angry at yourself - that's the worst thing that can come out of it... You're wise & hopefully withdrew before anything terrible happened; but still - if you blame yourself or get angry & not do anything about it - it's like letting him & his kind win even more.

You must do something, it'll relieve you immensely - please do tell your father, tell your ex & let definitely ruin his reputation as a dentist. It sickens me to the core that surely he meets weaker souls, & women that are uneducated & unconcious of what's being said or done & taken advantage of - dont let him do this to anyone else - make him know that he won't get away with it... Please - for your own sake!

God bless you Darling, yes unfortunately the world is full of sick bastards - but honey dont forget - it's full of wonderful people too...

Be well sweetheart,
xxx
J

Ma 3lina said...

Can not find any words to say !!

Disgusting is the only word!!

I am sorry u gone through such experience

insomniac said...

jade,

as i said, telling my dad is not an option, i can't afford him getting even more worried about me than he really is, it gets to me!

telling the x is out of question; he's no longer my protector and whatever happens to me is no longer any of his business, and let's not forget, he's a big pervert himself...

sadly there isn't much i can do at this point, too much already to deal with and i can't afford one more thing... if anyone mentions his name i am definitely telling about him, but that's all i can do now!


dr. invisible,

it's ok, wade7 en masr malyana sexual offenders hiding behind the mo7taram look!