October 14, 2009
My sweet sweet uncle!!
Late at night after everyone went to bed…
Him: so how are you?
Me: *smiling* I am fine alhamdulilah
Him: and what are your plans?
Me: *babbled on an on about what I plan on doing with my “career” for about 10 whole minutes*
Him: *in a calm tone* I was not asking about your career, I was asking about your personal life
Me: *smiling confusingly*
Him: *almost laughing and using random arm gestures* no one asked me to talk to you about anything I promise…
Me: *interrupting* Khalo, I will get me some water because I’m thirsty and I’ll be back
Him: *laughing* 3ashan tebbala3y kalamy??
Me: Abadan wallahy, bas 3atshana we shaklak 3ayez tetkallem we tenashefly ree2y!
After I got my water…
Me: I have no plans for my personal life… I go to work, I go home spend time with my boys, go out with friends occasionally, the routine family activities and that’s it!
Him: you don’t have plans for what’s next, I mean you don’t want to get married again???
Me: *almost choking on my water* khalo, marriage is not something I’d look forward to
Him: leeh, you’re young, you have your life ahead of you, mat2oleeesh et3a2adti!
Me: *laughing* la2 mat3a2adtesh, bas at this point of my life, I have realized that I never lived for me, and I am also aware that I have two kids of whom I have take care, and between them and myself, I don’t have the time or the energy to work on a relationship, and marriage is just HARD!
Him: it is, but again, you should not be against the concept…
Me: I didn’t exactly say I was against it (I couldn’t tell him what I thought point blank, he would seizure if I do), but let’s look at it from a realistic perspective… marriage is not an easy thing, and we’re a generation of spoilt brats who barely get what marriage really is; I’ve been in an out and I still haven’t figured it out!! Aaand don’t forget, I already have two amazing boys, and I do not want to have any more kids… so marriage is not exactly something I would want!
Him: da sa7ee7, bas bardu you should not rule it out!
Me: *smiling bekhabasa* enta gayebly 3arees walla eh???
Him: *smiling in a way I couldn’t really tell* ya3ne, perhaps I might be of help in that department!
Me: ok, if you find someone whom you think is good enough for me, tell him you have a niece who’s already divorced with two boys, who does not want to have any more kids, who has quite the strong character and is extremely stubborn, she's also opinionated and takes pride to an unhealthy extreme, and finally, she is very particular and picky about everything… and to top it all, she has serious spending issues mostly because she does not realize how much she spends because she doesn’t know how to work numbers in her head… law fedel interested, I’d like to meet him; however, I’m sure that would pretty much scare him off
Him: *looking at me awy* what you said is not all bad, don’t say it like they’re bad things… ya3ne except for the crazy-buying syndrome, which I have too, and apparently it’s genetic!
Me: I never said they were bad things, but they’re who I am and I know it’s a hard thing for a man in our culture to accept... and I really don’t think there are enough men who are good enough for me, as in have it in them to make me happy… oh, tell him also that I have too much ego and think very highly of myself, obviously!!!
Him: ya insomniac, feh nas kowayesa… you can’t rule out the possibility 3ashan you had a bad experience!
Me: ya khalo I know… I just don’t believe en el nas el kowayesa dool keteer, and given how few they are, the possibility of finding among them someone who’d take me the way that I am and be compatible with me are pretty slim, so again, to want to get married again does not make sense if the chances of finding my definition of “good enough candidate” are that slim!
Him: *thinking and nodding*ana fahmek… ana bas 3ayez attamen en you’re moving on and that you have it in you to enjoy your life to the fullest and not let your previous experience ruin any potential chances in your future
Me: *smiling* don’t worry; I’ll try to keep an open mind! But let me tell you this, I don’t need a man or that kind of relationship to live my life to the fullest… I have two amazing boys who need a lot of work, and in sha2 Allah it will be rewarding… and I have good friends who provide me with the company and support I need to survive… and I have a kindhearted dysfunctional family whom I know would stand by my side when I really need it…
Him: *laughing*
Me: sorry about that last part, but you know how we all are!
Him: *nodding* el mohem eny mabsoot enny shayfek kowayessa we 3arfa en mesh de akher el denya!
Me: *smiling so hard and having strong urges to give him a gratitude hug, but surrendering to my inability to show this kind of affection* ana mabsoota enak mabsoot… mesh hatnam ba2a, enta hates7a badry el mafrood (that was my way of showing concern, ya 3eini ya khalo!)
Him: *standing up* ah, yalla tesba7y 3ala kheir…
Me: *standing up and walking behind him* wenta men ahloh
Like I said, my sweet sweet uncle!!!
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12 comments:
i think he like all eastern people , 3ayez yetmen 3aleky mesh aktaar, we hwa keda akeed etameen, go on with u r lovely kids, good luck
Nice chat with ur khalo inso..
But u can never know what is life saving for u..
After all the drama you lived..
You will eventually need someone in ur life other than your good friends..
I am sure you are a very good kind hearted person who deserves a way better life and I am sure you will be rewarded some day because life is a series of ups and downs, and you had a big share of the downs and I am sure the opposite is coming.So hang on my friend.
That's sweet :)
Karim,
thanks... and yes, he probably was checking on me in a way :)
Abdelsalam,
i'm hanging ahoh :)))
and like i said, my reward does not have to be the expected way... if i am to choose my reward, it would be that i do well by my kids, ya rab!
Eve :))))
mesh keda!!!
I agree with Karim. But it is good to have such communication with uncles afterall.
it was great actually!! especially that we are not exactly that close since he lives abroad since i was a child!!
I always find "niece and uncle" relationships very respectful and lovely =) I admire my sister's relationship with my uncle which is completely the opposite of mine with him lol
You are both lucky to have each others =))
thanks IQ...
no criticism this time!!! i'm disappointed :P
;))
Hehe maybe it's "love"? =P
hey there.. i've been reading and returning to this post every now and then ever since you wrote it.. he "is" such a sweet uncle, i agree, and he totally wants what is best for you, i don't deny it at all. but i can't help but feel that i've heard all this before. there is this constant belief in our society that a woman has to be with a man. as soon as you divorce, people tell you to get over it and start looking for someone else and they warn you against being met3a'ada. like you said ya inso, you have yourself and your boys to live for. you won't die if you don't have someone right now. you have priorities. and inshaAllah when and if someone comes along that respects and accepts you and your children, then go for it, but don't just go looking for someone because you (or your family) feel you need some kind of support or because you're afraid that in the future you or your kids will need support. I don't mean to be harsh, i just feel it's the same old scenario. divorced women are expected to remarry and remarry soon. as if they won't be able to live or make it on their own. forgive my bluntness.
Amira,
There is nothing to forgive; we definitely agree :))
this notion my uncle spoke was coming from the same man who remarried less than 6 months after a long miserable marriage and a somewhat bitter divorce! he's only reflecting his "experience".... but if i am to think of him as an example, it would only make me even more sure that i shouldn't rush into a relationship, let alone marriage :))
and ironically, he just talked to me 2 days after this conversation about a "good guy" who's also a divorcee and looking for someone "bent nas" and he thought i fit the profile!!! i sat there hearing him out and it felt like he was talking about someone else, not me!!!
like i said, kind hearted dysfunctional family that i can't help but love!!
as for the marriage... i am not in that place yet where i can think of it objectively; i still have a lot to figure out about myself and what i want of life before i throw myself in any kind of relationship!
7amdel 3ala el salama:)
Yaaaah, so strange to hear such a conversation between you & this particular uncle of yours!! Any way, it's healthy you know:)
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