October 4, 2008

esloobek howa el sabab


He called to complain that my dad told his aunt that my kids will not be seeing his grandma because she’s a liar. He used his fake polite tone and he actually called me “7adretek” as. He claimed that he’s always refrained from offending me or my family. “mashy, ok” I kept thinking to myself, “let him say all he has to say as long as he’s at least pretending to be polite”, I let him go on and on, then came the moment where I had to ask.

I am too proud to ask I have to admit. A lot of those who know me (and not even that well) might have noticed that I usually refrain from asking too many questions; it’s partially because I was taught that it’s rude to be nosey, but mostly because I am too proud to come off as nosey. I was too proud to ask him what went wrong because I did not want him to sense my insecurity, it was too much victory for me to give him. Alas, I came to swallow my pride as I went on…

Me: olt khalas kol elly 3andak?
Him: aiwa, shokran ennek radeety
Me: momken ba2a as2alak so2al?
Him: etfadaly ya (my name)
Me: *hesitating one last time* I know it’s weird to ask right now, but indulge me, what made you first drift away?
Him: *very cautiously trying to figure out where the catch is* what do u mean drift away, mesh fahem el so2al?
Me: ya3ne before I got preg with Beem, we seemed fine, then by the time I was halfway through my pregnancy, you decided to have a girlfriend, I believe that was our fall, you kept lying to hide it and I kept finding out more about your lies, until I lost my trust in you, then you were in an affair during my pregnancy with Mocha, and you know the rest, so what caused it from the very beginning, three years ago?
Him: enty sa2alteeny abl keda zaman…
Me: yes, I remember, and you said it was because I did not cook enough and that the house used to get too messy with me being pregnant and lazy... ana fakra!
Him: we sa3etha ettarya2ty 3alaya we 2olteeely we ya tara heya tabakhetlak wala wadabetlak el beet?
Me: If I asked because I wanted to be rude and sarcastic, I would have said a lot more than that right now, but it’s not why I’m asking, so bear with me, and make it specific, an incident, something in particular that I’ve said or done! And you can also be very brief, I’m driving!
Him: ya (my name) enty esloobek mostafez… mafeesh ay ragel yesta7mel enno ye7es en merato mesh tay2alo kelma…
Me: ana batkalem 3ala abl ma eslooby became an issue!
Him: enty tool 3omrek keda, esloobek dayman ye7ases el wa7ed eno la yo7tamal we enno mommel
Me: (don’t argue, don’t argue, don’t argue… he’s expecting you to argue, he’s even asking for it, DON’T ARGUE!) OK
Him: huh?
Me: ok, thanks for answering my question
Him: ya (my name) ahoh da elly beydaye2, lessa zay manty
Me: I asked you from the beginning to be specific and brief, so don’t expect a long conversation out of this question and answer!!
Him: fe 7ad yetkalem keda?!!
Me: ma3lesh ya (his name), ana eslooby keda, always been apparently!! And since I have not changed all that time, I don’t think I should bother changing now, at least not for you, so thank you very much for answering my question, 3ayez 7aga tanya?
Him: law sama7ty, madam bakalemek, kalemeeny zay ma bakallemek…
Me: here is the thing ya (his name), ana mesh 3ayza akallemak! Momken law sama7t ne2fel!
Him: ok ya (my name) rabena yehdeeky
Me: ameen ya rab
Him: kol sana wenty wel 3eyal be kheir
Me: shokran
Him: esmaha wenta tayeb
Me: whatever!

Just thought I’d write it down for the sake of reference. Let it be known, I am a person with attitude, surprise!!

This is what it came down to, eslooby zeft! I won’t even dignify any of it by explaining or justifying where it came from, I’ll just leave it at that. So this is where it ends, it’s not worth dwelling in it any further.

I’ll go now and sink my bitterness over my wasted years in songs that go with the mood.

10 comments:

Sherif said...

Dear inso

Obviously, attitudes change with whoever we talk to ..

Hence, it's unfair to generalize .. cause you're so decent and wise with anybody else ..

The point is "you don't to talk" so .. what do you expect?

I wish you all happiness .. I'm not sure with who .. sometimes kids eventually win .. sometimes they are enough reasons for change .. you .. and him too.

hurricane_x said...

I'm gonna comment here since this post completes the previous ones.

Well, I guess it was a good idea to ask that question, as ur friend advised, just to stop the haunting thought of u being the cause.
....

I hope he's honest concerning that civil divorce, and to hell the apartment in order to get a closure!

rabena yefarag 3anek.

insomniac said...

Sherif,

i've always claimed that my attitude usually mirrors that of whoever i am dealing with...

the one attitude i could never mirror is pretence... once i started seeing through his lies, i could never pretend to believe the lies he pretended were truths! and i think at some point it made him feel less respected...

i really wouldn't like to dwell and explain, but the fact that he felt that inferior says more about him than me, and i can live with that, i just hope he can never do the same if he was ever brave enough to admit it to himself....

i find happiness with my kids and my friends, i find it when i get to know new decent people and make friends out of them and there is no way that can be bad, so i am grateful that way, alhamdulilah :)


hurricane :)

it was a good idea in theory... in practice however, it was more like what loulou said (refer to comments on previous entry); it did not really provide that much comfort, bas harga3 wa2ool this is where all my nagging thoughts end... please remind me if i ever start wondering again :)

as for his civil divorce, shaklaha keda ba3ta, he kinda withdrew it! 3ady... if i were shocked, it would be my fault for believing there's an ounce of decency in him!!

Frustrated said...

Bosi, ana 7akalemek b sara7a shwaia...zaman awi abl matetgawezi el a7' el mo7taram da, to some extent you used to be a spoiled child!! infact you were young!!! bas ba3d keda 3e2elti awi w ba2aiti rakza w kkeda. Accordingly, I think eno bei2ool ai kalam, yemken eslobek ma3ah ba2a mostfez ba3d eli 3amalo, but i think you were a good wife, bas meen ye2adar ya benti:)
Hang on

Deeeeeee said...

Hollanda betsallek 3aleiki w bet2ollik elshama3aat eshtaket!

insomniac said...

frustrated,

i was a spoilt brat i know :) i still am in some ways i guess, only it's not for him to judge and it should have never been, khaleeny sakta a7san :)))

(toshkar ya zoo2 3ala el "good wife" remark de)


deeeeeeeeeeeeeeees

LOL

Shimaa Gamal said...

"I’ll go now and sink my bitterness over my wasted years in songs that go with the mood."

No you won't, howa ana a3'eeb yomien agy ala2y shewayet kalam bayekh hayk2booky?!!!
el mohem estara7ty ya fawzeya :)
3erfty el 2ena wel kana?! aho tele3t egaba maftoo7a and he is the person we were sure he is

ehabaty ba2a we bataly telomy nafsek 3ala 7agat enty 3arfa kowayes awy en malhash da3wa beeky

kol sana wenty tayeba ya gameela, i miss you so much *kisses*

insomniac said...

i did ya shmiz, fat el ma3ad is a perfect matching song :)

i am done blaming myself, bala kheiba!

wenty tayeba ya gameel :)

The.I.inside said...

it's my first time here, but I couldn't help but comment, without even knowing more, you can remove his entire answer and put, for no reason what so ever, i usually tend to think it takes 2 to ruin any relationship, but cheating is a different matter

insomniac said...

the i inside,

you're most welcomed to visit :)

as for him, i will never beat myself up again for whatever went wrong in this marriage, i realize now it's of no use!

thanks for your comment dear :)