October 22, 2008

The jigsaw puzzle inside my head…

I’m confused; nothing is making sense, nothing! It’s driving me crazy because I always try to make sense out of everything, to a rather unhealthy extent I suppose.

Every time I sit and try to organize my thoughts or make sense out of the mess in my head is like I had opened a box of an old jigsaw puzzle, the ones with 500 pieces plus. A box I open from time to time, but before I start working on putting each piece into its place, I got overwhelmed with the number of the pieces and their small size.

I know each piece has its own unique place, I am certain; but I am not sure if I have all the pieces. It’s like with every time I had opened that box, I seem to have lost a piece, which means that the big picture, if ever completed, will be missing pieces.

The possibility of finishing that puzzle to find pieces missing scares me; because at this point, I have no idea if those missing pieces are forever lost, or just misplaced in my clutter of a life. Are they important pieces that cannot be replaced and must be found? Or could they be of average or even no importance and could be replaced with vague pieces that only seem to fit in the same void? Or must they remain un-replaced; be it as a reminder of things we lose, a lesson that I should be more careful, or that some things are meant to be lost?

Will I ever sit and finish that puzzle? Will the big picture, if ever completed, look anything like the one I have in the back of my mind? Or has my mind messed with those pieces and altered them in ways that would critically change that big picture? Do I even still have that big picture in the back of my mind like I think, or have I lost it and I am still unaware?

Like I said, I’m confused.


Sue said...

insomniac, I really loved the metaphor. I guess having some missing pieces is only a big deal only if you can't tell what the picture is without those missing pieces.

The.I.inside said...

You will find the missing pieces only when you stop looking for them, and start enjoying your life, who knows maybe you'll end up with a much prettier picture

insomniac said...


thanks :) well, it's too early to know where the missing pieces belong and whether they represent critical space from the big picture, who knows!

I :)

good point, but by enjoying life, do u mean i should let that puzzle be and stop working on it?

hurricane_x said...

What if u don't have a big picture!
And how far would u go to complete it or find it?
May be it'll be too late when u find it,..dunno!!
ta2reeban ana dalemtaha!
ok, ok,..
May be u'll find it colourful and cheerful , and...what happy things look like!! :)

insomniac said...

i know what you mean, i had it in my mind as i wrote the post... so no madelemtahash, heya mesh noor awy aslan :)

and don't try to be all cheerful, you seem out of your place when u do that ;)))

The.I.inside said...

that is a decision only you can take because only you can know what would make you happier

insomniac said...

do i?!

generally, do we always know what would make us happier??? sometimes we think we do only to end up finding out otherwise, and some other times -mostly when we're humbled by experiences- we admit not being sure where our happiness lies!

it's not always that easy, is it?

The.I.inside said...

You are right in that, Life is never that easy and we never know for sure which route would bring us happiness. but sometimes it's simpler to take a conscious decision to enjoy whatever life through in your face, believing (even if it's not true) that it would turn out for the best.