August 31, 2007

Some bla bla bla before I sleep (hopefully)

Disclaimer: this post is written by someone who suffers from insomnia and sleep deprivation, let alone mood swings; hence, won’t make much sense, if any. Read it at your own risk….


This is how I would have started the post:

I hate having to wake in early in the morning to run errands, just hate it!! Somehow, I think it takes the balance off my already disturbed life. That’s why I expected today to suck big time… I woke up early, had to meet with a person I am no longer comfortable around and then had to deal with my mom’s temper!!

I also hate how I have to bear up with people’s shit. Growing up, my dad was so strict about respecting your elders and such, I think it actually stuck… now I hate how people just abuse that… my mom says, I only have guts to talk back at her and it’s somewhat true I hate to admit… but in my defense, she should not put up with anyone calling her to accuse me of things and having my words twisted… if she could take that, than she might as well take what I have to say about it!! (I’m sorry mom, but it gets to me every time).

What I hate the most is when people think they know what’s best for me more than I do. I’ve had to sit and listen to whatever useless advice my dear uncle G had for me about my “situation” and how I can’t have an objective opinion about any of it since it’s happening to me. Seriously!! So it happens to me, I suffer from the consequences, yet I don’t get a say in any of it since it’s happening to me!!! And I thought I could have him talk some sense into my dad… well, good job G, all my dad needed was someone to tell him he’s right… I swear if I didn’t love the two of you, I would have… who am I kidding… I wouldn’t do a thing.


Anyways, in a desperate attempt to get back in touch with my long lost optimism, and follow that new there's-a-silver-lining approach, here are some good things that helped make that day bearable…

Having a free line to call my best friend whenever I feel like I need a boost…

Sharing a few occasional jokes with my dad away from all the drama that’s going around and his opinionated point of view…

Having a friendly conversation that would make me laugh and smile at the simplest of things…

Being able to talk myself out of my own prejudices and rise above them, with grace…

Seeing my almost four-month son smile with joy just because I looked at him and said “hey”…

Having my older son waking for a couple of moments to check if I am sitting next to him, throwing me a kiss and then going back to sleep as peacefully as he was…


I think that’s a good reason for me to go to bed with a smile on my face, even if I don’t end up sleeping as fast as I would hope…



9 comments:

Jade said...

Hey Insomniac,

I like your style of writing & I admire that you managed to find a way to smile even after all the drama you listed in the beginning of the post.

I know exactly how you feel with regards to people thinking they know what is right for you - of course, sometimes this is true - because when somone looks at the picture from outside they get a clearer view than you being in it. But what I hate is people forcing their openions on you... take the advice, listen to it carefully, do not make any decisions while you are mad, way your options, & act.

Your mom & dad are a huge factor in your life & you can of course loose their support... Uncle G though is a classic example of when you involve a close relative then you realize that he is standig against & not with you...

My thoughts for you dear (If you allow me that is) try not to involve too many people in your life... no matter how close they are. Think of your mom & dad, close intimate best friends... other members of the extended family - may just add to your complicaitons... since they only show up to hear the story at one shot - & they must give their openion - of course they will only say what is the right thing to do - disregarding what your feelings are & what you have lived & experienced in this situation...

Of course then again... I wouldnt know since I dont even know what we are talking about here...

Good luck,
J

Will E. said...

Yes, your ability to smile is amazing.. which is what's great.. the post is layered.. bad things at the top .. good things at the bottom. It's always great when you can see both.

Maat said...

so it that what happened???? you took away all my optimism and amazing ability to find things to smile about when i'm upset... you took all of it to yourself??? no wonder i was out of balance lately! Stop stealing things from meeeeeee... i'm the "peacemaker" remember!!

anywhoooo... yeah so that's exactly what i meant.. i hate how they think they know what's for my best interest and force things on me! umm... and yeah... waking up to do errands disturbs the balance...

there's no point in all what i said... i just felt like rambling on your blog... this time it's intentional.

insomniac said...

jade :), i am fine with advice really (even when i don't plan on taking it) and i can understand that being in the situation doesn't give me a bird view, but i know how i feel about certain things...

things is, G and my dad don't look at things from that view either... they actually see things the same way i do, only they expect me to rise above it and endure it for the higher purpose or whatever... they mean well, but i know my capabilities better than they do...

and yeah, i get why i shouldn't involve too many ppl in my life... u see, i needed my parents' support on that one, my best friend knows things before they actually happen :) and G is not an uncle figure at all, he is more of an older friend whom i can channel the things i wouldn't tell my dad to his face :)

i like the one shot opinion, sometimes all one needs is a slap of reality :) as for not knowing what it's about, i'll probably spill it, i don't think i'd keep my mouth shut for long...


will, seeing the good and the bad helps deal with the bad.. it's like when someone makes u laugh in the same moment ur crying, has its magic or something!! anyways, sometimes i'm not even sure why the hell i smile, but i do... i guess i hang with my little sister a lot :))


which brings me to maat, steal things from u, right!! u've been having quite a temper lately, stop borrowing my stuff, bad temper is my thing!!

and honey, no one can force things on me anymore, they just mess with my head for a while and make me mad, but i will do what i want eventually, otherwise i'd be you :p (i don't know why i am being mean to u, i love you :D)

and hang out on my blog anytime u want, this means u'll have to deal with my sarcasm :)

hurricane_x said...

That's very irritating (People thinking what's best for u) though they don't do it for themselves"!!

insomniac said...

i hear ya hurricane, if they knew what's best for themselves they wouldn't tell me they knew what's best for me (i'm too disturbed to make sense right now i guess)

Fadfadation said...

Let me tell you a joke:

wa7ed se3edy raa7 masr 2awel mara fy 7ayato.
Lama nezel min ma7atet masr shaaf kobri Ocotber, ra7 2awyel: "Ya booooi, kol dy balakona?!"

:)

bay7'a wee 2adema, i know...but i had to true and make you smile :)

insomniac said...

haha, it's not adeema, first time to hear it!!

ppl stopped telling me jokes because according to an old friend of mine (betekbeseeny we beyeb2a manzary we7esh)...

i won't do that to u because u had good intent to make me smile.. so there:
:)

Thanks man..

Fadfadation said...

:)