August 24, 2007

A Utopian still!!!

I thought I hit rock bottom… I really really thought I did… then it got so much worse…

I thought I lost faith, almost did anyways….but thankfully, the more shit I got into the easier I could find my way back…

Even then, I though I lost faith in the basic goodness of people… that I was certain of… I was starting to adopt the all-people-are-bastards-until-proven-otherwise approach in life…

Until… I was talking with someone who was saying how love is overrated and the best is to like, not love….

I don’t know where it all came from, but I found myself saying the exact lines:

Love is not just something you feel for your partner in life… love has different forms, forms that could feel a lot stronger than that… I love my mom though I always always fight with her… I adore my dad though I resented him through my teenage years… I love my best friend and could rely on her any time… I am crazy about my sisters… my love for my kids runs in my veins… I love so many people who are good to me and I am hundred percent sure they love me back… the mere feeling of loving and being loved is very fulfilling, it makes you feel safe and protected….

Needless to say that the person I was talking to had very strong urges to throw up and said I was too cheesy to believe I had any shit going on with my life to start with… she kept saying that I am naive to actually think life is a beautiful place…

Truth is, I think life is shit… it is!!! Lucky for me, I have just come to remember how many people I have whom I can call and tell them all about my problems knowing that by the end of the phone call I will not be thinking about those problems… the only reason I wouldn’t call is because I wouldn’t like to expose myself, I mean if I could I could have just blogged about it day and night…

Just when I thought I couldn’t be anymore cynical, I find out that I still belong to that Utopia I thought I no longer believed in… yesss, I have friends as solid, strong and fancy as a marble staircase out of a fairytale and that makes my life worth its while…

I am so grateful… and I have made a resolution; I will let all those I love know that I love them… as shocked and sarcastic as they will be (they will practically make fun of me till I cry), I think they deserve to have that very same feeling I have as I am writing those lines… fulfilled, safe and protected.


p.s. I will quote kareemfromegypt and say “For anyone who feels like vomiting after reading this post, I left several buckets alongside the tissues by the exit :)


9 comments:

ZeRoCoOl said...

Very brave of you to utter a four letter word that haunts and scares many people including myself...........

hurricane_x said...

yeah, they deserve that word,..
though it needs some effort to say it!!

insomniac said...

zerocool, it haunts and scares the crap out of me... i haven't told any of those i mentioned how much i loved them yet, so go figure... interesting blog btw :)(urs i meant)

hurricane, they deserve it, if i say it, they will know for sure something is wrong with me :)) i slap my sisters on the head to tell them i love them!!

ZeRoCoOl said...

tx insomniac :D ....I've had my own battles with that word on my blog...I'm glad u like it

Maat said...

"i slap my sisters on the head to tell them i love them!!" ----> thank you!!

i keep my distance and sleep my time away at home to tell you that i love you :) :)
no seriously.... ummm... good approach and all.. good for you i mean, but i'm sure those you love know that you love them! so yaaaaay :)

insomniac said...

sis, etweksy---> "i love u too much"
couldn't help myself!

Ma-3lina said...

Glad that you pointed those happy moments of your life with those who u love.

Jade said...

Aw - Insomniac your post is really cute but it makes me realize that something must be utterly wrong with my family...

We literally speak the "Four Letter Word" to each other on every possible occasion, before the end of every phone call, & it doesnt really stop there, that happens with my close friends too... Why do you think it is cheesy?

It sounds to me that your friend that told you you were naive is a very bitter, sad & lonely person.

insomniac said...

ma-3alina, the more i read that post, the more i think i was high or something... well, i had a root canal that day, it could be the drugs i took for the pain :)

jade, thanks a lot for the cute part... believe me, my familt has a lot of issues, it took me forever to make peace with my parents, and it still get disturbed from time to time.

well, i don't use that word as much as the post made it sound... i may imply it... when i do say ot, i made it sound like it's something funny. pathetic!