August 9, 2009

A Quote that got me where I started!!


"لو أن كل انسان عرف متى يمتنع عن اتخاذ الخطوة الأولى، لتغيرت أشياء كثيرة"
(موسم الهجرة إلى الشمال لـ الطيب صالح، على لسان (مصطفى سعيد -

I had a task to finish that book today. I actually locked myself in my room and began to read so determined not to lose focus in my surroundings or drift to something else while reading, like I usually do.

Until I came to that phrase…

I stopped to read it again, and when I was done, I read it again. it was captivating how that phrase echoed in my mind, how I could relate to it. I am sure everyone does, but it was one of the millions of thoughts that were haunting me lately and the words describing it were right there mocking me in a book where I didn’t expect to find it.

For a while there, I sat and tried to trace all my first steps that led me to unfavorable places. But then, I shook my head and decided that I would think about it some more when I’m done reading the book.

I went half way through the book until I felt rather tired and sleepy, so I decided to take a break and nap.

I woke up an hour later, having almost forgotten about that phrase. A while later I decided to resume my reading and as I read some more, I noticed how baby sis marked her favorite quotes, ones I liked, but they got me back to that one immediately because it was the quote that touched me the most in the book.

The book did not exactly fascinate me, not half as much as the quote anyway!

I can’t seem to get my mind off my first steps, at least those I remember…

Is there a way we can identify those first steps before taking them? Apparently, you can’t really take them back, it takes a lot of effort to fix the consequences, and it’s just draining! Why is it so hard? Why can we only see them in retrospect instead of in advance? Silly naïve me!

I finished the book in an attempt to focus on one thing and stop thinking about the millions of things that don’t do me good, but somehow it got me where I started… I am still mad at myself and completely unsettled.

Okay, I’ll try another book, but not today, I think it’s time to go to bed and struggle with my insomnia.

8 comments:

Abdelsalam Rashad said...

We can never change our fates inso. How would we know which first steps not to take that will lead us to present or future we dont want to live.

El Jebi said...

Ok... NOW you have me thinking... why did i took those first steps, and also...

Why am i taking this first step? I have been following your blog for a long time, i think it all started when it was recommended or featured in some page or something. Anyway it's been more than a year. I was going through my own divorce, and it is still not over yet. Damn. Difference is we didnt have kids. Shame. If life was fair and just, your ex- should have to live with my ex- so he know punishment! hehe, that would be poetic justice.

You always made me think and reflect about all: life, love, un-love, work, all. Sometimes I have to translate some arabic text and i like that. I have felt the need to post a comment once or twice but never did it.

But today you got me thinking about those first steps. And this was a special hard week.

Anyway.. writing to you tonight was a first step, and probably will be the last. I only wanted to thank you for writing and to send you a 'hello' from Mexico.

Hello from Mexico. Thank you.
- Juan E.

insomniac said...

Abdelsalam,

you know, the whole fate discussion is a post that's cooking in my head :)

but i was not talking about changing our fates, i meant to say that perhaps if we know what each "first step" leads to, we would either choose a different fate or accept the one to come... problem with the first step is that it's only identified once taken!

i wish i could see the consequences of my choices ahead of time, but it seems to be one of those super powers... that and reading minds, can you imagine how much easier it would be if you can look into people and hear the truths their minds speak rather than the lies they utter so carelessly!!!

insomniac said...

Dear Juan,

first, about our ex's... may be they will end up with people like them at some point in their lives... one can only hope :))

i'm really flattered my posts made you reflect and i can only tell you that you're most welcomed to comment and argue whenever you feel like it... this is one first step that can't possibly have any bad consequences from where i see it, no need to make it a last :)

thank you and hello back from cairo :)

anawafkary said...

The quote didn't leave my mind for days.

I think the problem is when do we consider what happen before taking the decision as a sign of not taking tha action, or it is just some anxiety.

Yesterday I had a meeting and I got lost a lot before reaching there, is it a sign not to go there, or it is simply getting lost in a street.

It is a riddle actually.

Leaflet said...

just this quote :p !

insomniac said...

anawafkary,

actually the more mysterious first steps are the ones that we take so smoothly without hesitation, or at least obstacles... the ones to where we find ourselves led... those were the ones i had in mind at least!!

insomniac said...

leaf,

there were a few more, but that was THE winner!