A Quote that got me where I started!!

"لو أن كل انسان عرف متى يمتنع عن اتخاذ الخطوة الأولى، لتغيرت أشياء كثيرة"
(موسم الهجرة إلى الشمال لـ الطيب صالح، على لسان (مصطفى سعيد -

I had a task to finish that book today. I actually locked myself in my room and began to read so determined not to lose focus in my surroundings or drift to something else while reading, like I usually do.

Until I came to that phrase…

I stopped to read it again, and when I was done, I read it again. it was captivating how that phrase echoed in my mind, how I could relate to it. I am sure everyone does, but it was one of the millions of thoughts that were haunting me lately and the words describing it were right there mocking me in a book where I didn’t expect to find it.

For a while there, I sat and tried to trace all my first steps that led me to unfavorable places. But then, I shook my head and decided that I would think about it some more when I’m done reading the book.

I went half way through the book until I felt rather tired and sleepy, so I decided to take a break and nap.

I woke up an hour later, having almost forgotten about that phrase. A while later I decided to resume my reading and as I read some more, I noticed how baby sis marked her favorite quotes, ones I liked, but they got me back to that one immediately because it was the quote that touched me the most in the book.

The book did not exactly fascinate me, not half as much as the quote anyway!

I can’t seem to get my mind off my first steps, at least those I remember…

Is there a way we can identify those first steps before taking them? Apparently, you can’t really take them back, it takes a lot of effort to fix the consequences, and it’s just draining! Why is it so hard? Why can we only see them in retrospect instead of in advance? Silly naïve me!

I finished the book in an attempt to focus on one thing and stop thinking about the millions of things that don’t do me good, but somehow it got me where I started… I am still mad at myself and completely unsettled.

Okay, I’ll try another book, but not today, I think it’s time to go to bed and struggle with my insomnia.

Is it weird that I found this funny??!!

I was online with a friend as I discovered I made a not so great decision, so…

Me: ghellet ghaltet 3omry (having the work-related issue in mind)
My Friend: eh etgawezty X (the husband’s name) tany?

So X gets to be the ultimate mistake of my life!!

Anyway, I smiled every time I remembered the comment!!! Thanks man :)

a haircut, a mocha frappe, and random stationary item!

My day did not start off well... and even right now, it’s not going that well, which makes me think it won’t end well either.

However, I did manage to steel a couple of hours out of home, and got myself, a haircut, a mocha frappe with extra chocolate syrup and a new daily agenda that I sooo love; it has those verses written on it:

"يا قلبي إوعى تعــاشر الدون
و لا تكلمة بالاشتــراحة
تكلمــه الكـــلام مــوزون
تلقـاه يرد بقبــاحة"

ابن عروس

Luckily, I am easy to please although extremely hard to impress!

Nostalgic quotes… The things people told me… part two

Through college years…

“you do everything way to much; you think too much and you care too much, you have to take it easy a bit before it does some serious damage to your brain”
M… I was barely 17, but I think you figured me out before long before I did, which is strange cause all you ever saw about me was bright sunshine!

“stop thinking; life is more fun when you stop analyzing the things that bother you”
S… I tried! I actually did for a while and it was fun like you said, but you know better… if not analyzing bad things stops them from happening, bad things would have never happened to u… I wish your problems end.

“did you hear what the doctor said I had?? Will you tell me the truth… by the way, I never meant to be mean to you, I really really love you, I just don’t know how to be good to those I love”
O… I specifically didn’t want to know what the doctor said because I would have never been able to lie to you, yet I couldn’t bear to tell you the truth… FYI, I forgave you for making my childhood hell long before that day… now when I think of you, I smile and wish you the best :)

“matso2eesh zay el banat, soo2y 3edel”
K… etnayel, ana basoo2 a7san mennak… ok, you’re a good driver, and you taught me how to stir the wheel like a guy, thanks :D

“you’ll grow up one day to know how much your dad loves and appreciates you; this is his own way of hiding his mushiness, being too strict and tough!”
Uncle O, thank you for telling me that… I didn’t believe it much then, but it made sense later… I wish you were still there, could have used your support… God bless you.

“ed7aky ba2a, mesh kol ma2ool nokta tekbeseeny… ed7aky ladrabek”
F… you did hit me, or at least you almost strangled me with the seatbelt while you tried to tickle me, and you wouldn’t stop until I almost poked your eye… I miss you, you did make me laugh despite the idiotic jokes, and now every time I am told a joke, I think of you and smile :)

“you’re a good friend, you really are”
F… now you know that I wasn’t that much of a good friend to you… I am sorry I let you down, but it was either you or M, and she needed me more!

“one day, when you’re in love, you’ll know why lovers make one another miserable… and you’ll know why it’s hard to just let him go and move on”
M… I always understood why it was hard to let him go, what I never got was why you let yourself fall for him in the first place… but who am I to judge you!

“ok, this one likes you… but I don’t like him much”
N… I married him!! You were right!! But then again, he was right about you!! and by the way, I did live up to my ethics and left him when turned into an obnoxious jerk.

“watch out, he’s the type who would say whatever lies to keep you” followed by “you’re so lucky someone loves you that much that he’d do anything to make you stay”
N… no wonder you had a complicated love life… and seriously, etfadaleeh, you two think a lot like each other!! He’s single now!

“N is right about him you know, despite how crazy and twisted she is… we talked about you and him, and we both came up with the conclusion that you’re too good for him and you can do much better! We Kaman ana mesh 3agebny the way you do everything he says, it’s like it’s a different you… you were never obedient or submissive, but you never argue with him… this is not good, I don’t think he deserves that effort you do to please him… loves you or not, I don’t like him…ok, I’ll shut up now before you stop listening”
D… why on earth did I not listen to you; I think it had to do with you agreeing with N!!! Idiot, idiot, idiot... that’s who I was around him; a complete idiot.

“when I last saw you, I thought you were on the right track, all ready to be a fine young woman… it never occurred to me that you would lose your way!! You deserve better than someone whom his family does not accept you. do you know who your father is? Do you have a clue the respect people have for you just because you’re his daughter, how can you throw that away? Don’t tell me you love him, you will love someone else and then you will change your mind about it, you’re almost 20. Leave him now before it gets more complicated”
M… you have no idea how much I cried that day because of what you said. You almost got through to me! I wish you did, now, I wish I never ever see you or run into you.

Nostalgic quotes… The things people told me… part one

Through childhood and school!

“inty el asl… el ba2y kolohom maygoosh feeky 7aga”
nana, I LOVE YOU and I MISS YOU…

“mat3ayateesh, ana harga3 tany and we hanel3ab zay zaman”
K… you did come back, and we always had fun like the old days… but you never grew up… I might have been 19 years younger, but I outgrew you enough to stop thinking you were fun! Nonetheless, God bless you and your family.

“leh ten2asy kol el nemar de, zeyada 3annek eh elly beygeebo fullmarks?”
Dad… they have one thing I always lacked; wanting to get high scores!! I never cared for grades and I never will!! I used to get pissed when you said those words, especially when followed by "you must be stupid", now I know it was your way to motivate me… FYI, wasn’t motivating at all!!!

“she’s smart, she’s just too quiet to show it”
Math teacher… I was never quiet, I just didn’t like you much to bother impressing you!

“you’re probably the most stubborn person I have ever known!”
D… liar! You’re way more stubborn than I am; you’re only sweeter, so people don’t notice it :)

“yeeey, you finally have a crush, I finally have something to tease you with!”
D… I know you were bummed I never called you after midnight to tell you about my fantasies, but a crush only meant “I think he’s cute, but I’ll never really know”…

“don’t say you won’t fall in love, you’re still 16, you’re too young… when you’re in love you will know what I mean”
S… I HATE you, I hate how right you were.



(To be followed by more parts.)

Another quote…

“some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall”

William Shakespeare, Measure for measure, Act 2, Scene 1

October 16, 2007