El magnoona aheh, aheh!!

Today I had another court interview, which I only knew of yesterday around 8-is! So my dad tells me his driver will drive me from work to the court in downtown and wait for me to drive me back to work so that I wouldn’t waste much time in finding a parking space. My interview was at 10-10:30, my mom called me 9:50 to tell me that the driver is no where to be found and that I should start moving!!!

Ok, cool, I’m a fast driver, and it was still early in the day and traffic was not expected to be a nightmare just yet. I drove all the way to downtown, Abdeen Square, drove into the street where the court is, and headed for that parking space where I usually leave the car (I find it sad that the dude in the parking recognizes me now). The parking was closed.

Almost 20 minutes and three rounds around the court house I started losing patience. I did not want to be late and have to apologize for it. Luckily a police officer noticed that I have been going all around so he pointed out a place a block behind, which was blocked by another car. He said that he will send someone to move it for me. On my way to the same place he pointed, just a block away, I found some man getting into his car, so I asked him if he was getting out, he nodded, so I told him that I will park in his place.

Like any civil person, I double-flashed, waited patiently until the guy started his car, and I could notice that every other person around was yelling “estana, hagy makanak”, but nooooo, this is my spot. As he left (FINALLY), I drove a tad forward to get into the parking space and baaaam, that idiot got into MY SPACE!!! And that was when I just “LA BA2A MAYENFAAAAAA3SH” in my loudest tone of voice, which basically came out sounding like a roaring wild animal right before it died (I have a bad cold that makes it sound a frog had died in my throat, that's what my dad said anyway)!!

YES, the guy backed out of the parking!!! Everyone in the street was practically telling him “etla3 etla3, seblaha el rakna”!! I heard random phrases questioning my sanity. I didn’t care, I got my space and I freaked a jerk who has no manners out of my space, yaaaay me. Apparently the phrase “hasawat we alem 3aleek el share3” has an effect, I think the jerk really feared I would do something of the sort!! I was happy it worked because my yelling was nothing but an expression of utter frustration, only my car window was opened and I was a bit loud!

As I got out of the car and slammed the door (sorry car), the guy started saying annoying crap, I took off my shades and gave him on long dirty stare and made it seem like I was about to walk in his direction, and just walked the other way into the court. I am almost sure he thought I was crazy.

Of course, I can barely say anything in an audible tone, sooty raaaa7. But it was totally worth it :))

So girls everywhere, want a parking space in Cairo, especially downtown, act crazy and start screaming like a mad woman, a guy or two are bound to freak out and give you their own parking space!! This is definitely a day where I liked being a woman :)

14 calling attempts later…

it’s true, el zann 3al wedan ammarr men el se7r!!

Me: *be7edda* na3am! Fe eh? What’s going on?
Him: *in his most cheerful tone* Ana bas bassaba7
Me: *impatient tone* saba7 el kheir, saba7 el noor, khalas?
Him: *the tone gets more cheerful* We 3ayez 2a2ollek 7aga Kaman…
Me: *the tone gets more impatient* kheir???
Him: ana olt afganistan eh webta3 eh, adawar 3ala shoghl fe masr a7san
Me: *trying so hard to contain the laughter* (tab mana 3arfa ennaha tamseleyea ya…) bera7tak, it doesn’t concern me
Him: *more cheerfulness!!* Ezzay ba2a, dana ha3od 3ashan ne work things out
Me: *still trying to contain the laughter, yet the tone also started to show impatience again* te work eh out, enta bethazzar!! (howa ana mesh hakhlas ba2a)
Him: ya (my name) dana a3ed fe masr 3ashanek, mastahelsh te32aly keda we tefakarry, tab 3ashan weladna
Me: (ya nahar sewed, da messada2 eno a3ed fe masr 3ashany) ba2olak eh, 2e2fel el sekka, yalla yalla, abl mate2leb ghamm
Him: tab (the nickname I gave him) habeebek mayestahelsh another chance, mocha turns 1 in a week or two!
Me: *getting really loud* BYE

*I hung up*

I rejected three more calls, and I have one addiotnal missed call to the earlier mentioned 14… UFFFFFFFF

اللهم إني لا أسألك رد القضاء، و لكني أسألك اللطف فيه... إشفي يا رب... أو خده

Random, yet Funny Crap!

Disclaimer: Sorry if this sounds like my usual whining, but I assure you, it’s not! I actually find it funny!! Try to see the humor. If you can’t, please don’t tell me to cheer up; I am actually smiling :)


3 days ago, at my dentist’s (I had already gone 2 days before that and my baby sis and mocha were with me, long story)

Dr. M: *with a cute smile on his face* your son, looks exactly like your husband… carbon copy!! (Despite what that man says, I love the smile on his face as he says it; something about smiling old people captivates me)
Me: *with a bigger smile and a joking tone* Noooooo, he looks like me
Dr. M: ezzay ba2a, da kollo X
Me: no no, tab 2olly, shabahoh fe eh??
Dr. M: he has his eyes!!
Me: no way, these are my eyes… X’s eyes aren’t that pretty *both blushing and smiling* (yes, I say the weirdest things that can cause me to blush!!)
Dr. M: you might have pretty eyes, but I think you’re blind for not seeing how much he looks like his dad… and I think both of you are idiots for letting all this happen, but hey don’t mind me, I am an old fool who thinks the old way!
Me: you really are one of the few people I like whatever they say, despite how much I might disagree, so say whatever you want ya Dr. (I know I sound totally habla, but I did mention smiling old people just have that effect on me… I have grandfather issues; he was a grumpy old man incapable of showing love!!)
Dr. M: tab will you let X see them??
Me: if he wants to see them, el beet beeto, he’s most welcomed, they will always be his kids (I don’t even buy it when I say crap like that, but I would suck it up if he actually decides to come over)
Dr. M: he doesn’t want to confront your parents, they might say one thing or another… you know it gets awkward that way
Me: if he had told you that, you can tell him my parents wouldn’t want to meet him, they won’t!! Would you meet someone who repeatedly humiliated your daughter?? I think not!! But because you have ethics, you would allow him to see your grandkids because he happens to be their father… so there…
Dr. M: *pinching my nose, right before drilling into my poor tooth* you’re a stubborn stubborn girl; I can only imagine how hard it is being married to you


Yesterday, I’m home, online, chatting, he calls!! I answer because I know my dentists probably talked to him, and well, if he wants to see the kids, why not!! I really really try to be the bigger person when it comes to the kids, although I have to say, I think he should have nothing to do with them! This is why it takes me 3 attempts from him until I end up answering!

Him: alo
Me: mmm?? (This is how I show my discontentment with him calling)
Him: *his annoying sarcastic tone* walahy kowayes ennek betrody!
Me: hat2ool 3ayez eh wala ne2fel a7san?
Him: ana bakalemek 3ashan 2a2olek eny mesafer in two days
Me: ok
Him: mesh 3ayza te2oleely 7aga??
Me: if you’re expecting me to wish you the best, I think you’re really pushing it, the best you should hope for is eny mad3eesh 3aleik… don’t worry, ana khalas saybak le rabena
Him: *his hurt voice* shukran
Me: *my bored tone* el 3afw
Him: by the way, I won’t be going to Iraq like I told you before
Me: whatever! It doesn’t matter
Him: I’m going to Afganistan
Me: *sarcastic laugh* hehe2, (I really tried not to laugh so hard, but man I kept laughing after I hung up!!)
Him: law garaly 7aga, eb2y khally balek men el 3eyal (ya bat3a, hehe… baba tells me it’s a quote from Madraset el Moshaghbeen, I didn’t even know that and I felt like saying bat3a when he finished his sentence)
Me: tab eh el gedeed, 7assalak 7aga, ma7asalaksh 7aga, ana bakhaly baly menhom!!
Him: mesh hatsebeeny ashofhom abl ma safer?
Me: hattala2ny abl matsafer?
Him: la2
Me: teb2a matestahelsh aghayar ra2y we anazelhom yeshofook, 3ayez teshofhom ta3ala!
Him: ma2darsh atala2ek
Me: leh in sha2 Allah?
Him: I just can’t let go that way, we Kaman mesh yemken te32aly
Me: and now you’re suggesting that I’m crazy!
Him: ya3ne enty shayfa en elly bete3meleeh da 3a2l!
Me: ok, bye now, I can’t deal with you that way
Him: gara eh ya weleya?
Me: meen weleya de, matetkalem 3edel
Him: bahazzar ma3aki
Me: you don’t get to tehazar ma3aya
Him: you’re still my wife, I get to do what I want
Me: (we ba3deen ba2aaa) no, I am not your wife, if people apply religion right, including you or anyone concerned, I would have been divorced for almost a year now!! And I already filed a divorce case, so as far as I am concerned I am almost divorced; all I need is a piece of paper! So no, I am not your wife, you have no rights, if we didn’t share kids, there would have been no reason for me to take your call!!
Him: khalas khalas, hakalemek ba3deen
Me: mafeesh ba3deen, I am switching off my cell


Today at work, 10 missed calls so far, and counting… I’m taking bets people, how many missed calls will I have by the end of the working day?